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Microsoft Wants To Read Your Brain
Simon Night writes "Microsoft has entered the realm of brain machine interfaces, attempting to patent a method of classifying brain states from EEG input. 'Human beings are often poor reporters of their own actions,' the patent application notes, so reading directly from your brain is a preferred option."
I mean, no ones gonna read your eyes!
...where the Bill-Gates-as-Borg icon truly applies.
"'Human beings are often poor reporters of their own actions,' the patent application notes, so reading directly from your brain is a preferred option." Translated: Humans are often trying to keep personal secrets from us, so stealing it all directly from your brain is a preferred option.
"It looks like you're writing a letter. Would you like help?"
Can you read my mind now, Bill? BECAUSE I'M THINKING IT AS HARD AS I CAN!
No no no, that was a sense of joy and happiness
Yours truly, Microsoft.
'Human beings are often poor reporters of their own actions,'
as the fundamental technology, you have nothing to fear.
Engineering is the art of compromise.
*Tink tink tink!*
GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU ROTTEN PAPER CLIP!
*Tink tink tink!*
ARGHH!!! It's in my head! Aarrggghhh!
*Tink tink tink!*
~~ Behold the flying cow with a rail gun! ~~
Just imagine what happens if Clippy tries to cut and paste your thoughts into the letter.
Before:
"Dear Cindy: I'm afraid this won't work, our differences are too much"
After:
"Dear B**ch: Don't even dream about it, I found a girl who really knows how to- F***! How the heck do I turn this off! Don't"
e-mail sent.
That's just the power cord. You'll get used to it.
Star Pirates
Holy cow, I was just joking around, honest! Now I'm gonna have IP lawyers knocking down my door. And's it's not like I'm going to be able to lie to get myself out of this one 'cus, like, they'd know.
We told you, but you just called us paranoiacs and laughed at our tinfoil hats! This fall, the fashion accessory is foil!
--
Given enough personal experience, all stereotypes are shallow.
So what happens, you think of Linux, piracy, or boobies and you get a shock through the Windows Genuine Advantage Testicle Electrodes, aka MS Testitrodes(tm)?
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
"This copy of Windows will expire in 10 days unless you register your brain with Microsoft"
Table-ized A.I.
People who have brains don't use Microsoft software.
Well, one positive outcome would be if they use it in testing of new products.
Allow this action? Yes
Allow this action? Yes
Allow this action? Yes
Technician: Sir, the test-subject's EEG is spiking Allow this action? Grrr, yes
Allow this action? Yes, damnit!
Technician: He's red-lining sir! Cerebral reading critical
Manager: Wow, so customer's really aren't happy with that feature. OK, scrap it and throw in some more eye-candy and perhaps a fluffy kitten or two
Technician: Yes, sir!