EFF Busts Bogus Online Testing Patent

Panaqqa writes "It's taken some time, but the EFF's Patent Busting Project is making progress. In the latest news, the USPTO has now officially rejected one of the 10 awful patents targeted, making the world safe again for administering tests over the Internet. This joins the reexamination of a patent on automated remote access of a computer over a network and the revocation of a patent on recording live performances to CD as notable successes for the EFF."

Comments

I have a great idea

[jrothwell97]

To: Officer, US Patent Office

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to express my interest in patenting a system by which inventions can be protected from copies by other individuals or companies. This is a system I have trademarked as Patents(tm) and I intend to take them on to the market as soon as the patent is issued. I enclose a cheque for $16500 and a coupon for a meal at the Ritz in London; please reply with my patent certificate as soon as is possible.

Yours faithfully,

E.E. Cretin

Re:Success?

[techpawn]

I'll file a patent on "method of filing a patent".

Put in "A means to over the Internet" and you might actually get it...

You can have voice activated phone trees

[blhack]

9. Firepond's patent covering automatic message-interpretation and routing systems. This patent, said Schultz, would effectively control the technology that allows consumers to call companies and have their calls routed based on a spoken command. Would anybody here be terribly unhappy if every company that used voice recognition technology in their phone tree was sued into oblivion?

"THANK YOU for Calling Verizon Business! now together with MCI!! Did you know that you can check the status of your order, open trouble tickets, and order an ice pick to stab yourself in the eyes after listening to this blatant advertisement online at www.verizon.com?... ....

Please say the nature of your call:"
me: "Somebody was out digging in front of our office and cut through the line that feeds us our T1s" .......

"I'm sorry, i Didn't understand that"
me: "I need you to send somebody out here to fix our T1s" .....

"Did you say that you would like to hear about verizon's new firewall service? if so please say "Yes""
me: "I NEED YOU TO FUCKING SEND A GODDAMNED TECHNICIAN OUT TO FIX THE LINE!" .....

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, please state the nature of the call"
me: *0*
"I'm sorry, but that is not a recognized option....Main menu.....Did you know that you can open trouble tickets, check the status of your order, or order blah balh blah blah blah"

I'm not sure there is anything out there that irritates me more than voice activated phone trees....the only thing that comes close is customer service reps who keep repeating the phrase "okay, i can definitely help you with this" or end every conversation with "okay Mr. Johnson, is there anything else i can help you with? no? okay well you have a terrific day, thank you for calling sprint now together with nextel!!". These two things usually go hand in hand though, so.....take them both down! :)

Weirdness

[jefu]

For sheer weirdness, a patent in the field of new-age-therapy pretty much can't be beat.

Two whole claims :

1. A psychological development system comprising triangulation, categorization and interpretation.
2. A psychological development system comprising evaluating at least three things in at least three ways in at least three levels that is repeated at least three times.

And the rest of the patent is worth reading for amusement as well. There is even an "illustration of a Venn Diagram". And what on earth is meant by "Numbers have historically been seen as unreal templates of creation".

The odd part is that the patent holder (Mary Swenson) was (last summer at least) suing someone over this.