2007 Darwin Award Winners

Web Goddess writes "The 2007 Darwin Award Winners have been announced. Precarious sex, squashed thieves, animals eradicated with electricity, the obligatory macho competition involving a train, and one computer (which survived.) But think twice before you read them. Do you really want to know about The Enema Within?"

Comments

Enema Within

[jb1z]

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address! Takes "shitfaced" to a whole new level.

Re:Enema Within

[Anonymous Coward]

Have you ever been late to a party and found everyone in the heights of drunken revelry?

The whole point of drinking with others is the shared experience, so I usually end up pounding shots to catch up.

Then one night I pounded one shot. Up my ass. I was rapidly the drunkest drunk of all the drunks and therefore, in my alcohol-soaked mind, the Winner. And what did I win? Drunk! Yes, I won a grand amount of Drunk. From zero all the way to conspiring with a group of ladies to steal road signs like we were (drunken) high-schoolers in one shot. Sure I passed out a few minutes later... and woke up in the morning with a faceful of breasts. Apparently I'm a real charmer when my potential companion and I are both blackout drunk.

I am now recognized at parties as "that crazy motherfucker who did a shot in his ass. Hey girls, come meet this guy".

It's not something I bust out whenever I drink, but it's definitely a useful tool.

Re:Enema Within

[DarkOx]

I am now recognized at parties as "that crazy motherfucker who did a shot in his ass. Hey girls, come meet this guy". Yep that's exactly the reputation I want preceeding me when meeting girls.

hahaha! idiot!

[dpastern]

I bet the alcohol bottle took one look at him and said "what an asshole".

Dave

Eradicated with Electricity

[dunezone]

Did he at least get the mole?

Re:Eradicated with Electricity

[IgnoramusMaximus]

Nah, it was the mole who called the cops!

I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party...

[riseoftheindividual]

...and think "Damn, an assload of booze" again.

Re:I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party...

[Anonymous Coward]

When I interned at the geek compound back in the summer of 99, I experienced an alcohol enema firsthand. We used watered down vodka (less additives, etc). It was kind of like using a chilled chrome buttplug. Tip: do not try this after being fisted! Fuck that may have been the most painful night in my life!

--Curtis

Re:I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party...

[Anonymous Coward]

That story sure explains a lot about Fark. Thanks for sharing, Mr. Curtis!

Re:News for nerds

[rustalot42684]

Are you implying the Darwin Awards don't matter?

Amusing

[Maxite]

I find it amusing, that the story that probably best reflects /., is also the one most likely to be disqualified. The note at the bottom of the Laptop Still Works indicates the following:

Darwin says, "This nomination is not popular. It is against the rules to receive a Darwin Award if you injure innocent people. I thought this event might qualify anyway, because the driver was an idiot, and the occupants of the Hummer were not seriously injured. But it seems that I was wrong. This story will likely be removed from the archive soon."

I nominate darwinawards.com

[Purity Of Essence]

I nominate darwinawards.com for allowing itself to be linked on Slashdot. That server is toast.

Really want to know?

[fahrbot-bot]

Do you really want to know about "The Enema Within?"

Why yes, yes I do. I'm guessing that's a third-date sort of thing?

Re:Slashdotted

[FudRucker]

even DarwinAwards gets a Darwin Award for not surviving /.

Uh...

[riseoftheindividual]

"It was kind of like using a chilled chrome buttplug. Tip: do not try this after being fisted! Fuck that may have been the most painful night in my life!"

Thanks for the tip. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Re:Uh...

[Nocterro]

Really? I'm trying to keep it out of mine.

Re:Best of the Rest: Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish

[Anonymous Coward]

it's probably just too common to be deserving of an award.

What about all the noms from ....

[russ1337]

I really would have thought we'd have seen an entry from anyone of those thousands of people who Died in a Blogging Accident..

Re:Enema Within: How is it qualified for a "Darwin

[ahaile]

"I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it," Turner said.

Remind me not to party with any morticians.

Re:Slashdotted....

[kylben]

Jeez, you guys can slashdot a site even at a quarter to ten on a Saturday night? Don't you people have lives? Now go out to your bars, and your clubs, and your girlfriends, and get off the DA site so I can see it.

Re:News for nerds

[Anonymous Coward]

What kind of people are we to make fun and games about someone dying?

Even if it is a spectacular stupid way, it still is no reason to laugh at their corpse and go "Ha Ha!" nelson style. If I stuck a bottle rocket up my butt and ended up with 3rd degree burns, would you laugh? Post the YouTube video and we'll let you know.

Re:News for nerds

[JoeCommodore]

Actually this is pretty on-topic, it reminds all of us: in tech support, programming, design and administration what users can be truly capable of.

Re:Enema Within: How is it qualified for a "Darwin

[Anonymous Coward]

You've been dying to say that.

Re:Slashdotted....

[pipingguy]

You must be new here...

National Lampoon's TRUE FACTS

[camg188]

The TRUE FACTS section of National Lampoon has been doing stories like these for years, but they don't always focus on death. My favorite if from the 1986 special True Facts edition:

At an outdoor concert in Juazeiro do Norte, Brazil, singer Waldwick Soriano insulted the audience, causing a brawl from which he had to be rescued.
Soriano became incensed while singing a song called "I Am Not a Dog" when a dog walked across the stage wearing a sign that said: "I Am Not Waldwick Soriano."

and this one:

News writer Cynthia Jarokowsky, thirty-four, was killed in a freak accident on December 10 near Berne, Switzerland, where she was researching a story on Swiss art galleries. According to the driver of her car, Bernard Culdebois, Dr. Jarokowsky asked that the car be stopped on a particularly scenic, though dangerous, mountain curve, and that her electric wheelchair be placed on the road so that she could admire the landscape. As she moved closer to the mountain edge, her hand apparently slipped on the control, an her chair bolted forward through an open area in the guardrail, hurling her down a 15,000-foot precipice.
Culdebois, whose English is very poor, believes that as the journalist fell, she cried out either "Help me, you idiot!" or "God save Washington art!"

The first time I went skydiving, I screamed "God save Washington art!" as I let go.

Intelligent Design

[Roger W Moore]

Personally I think they should update the criteria too but I was thinking more along the lines of giving the award for "activities that show absolutely no evidence of intelligent design"!

Words to live by if ever there were.

[riseoftheindividual]

"it's better to make friends than enemas."