Slashdot Mirror
Gaffes That Keep IT Geeks From the Boardroom
buzzardsbay writes "Yes, it's all in good fun to point out the mismatched belt and shoes and the atrocious hairstyles, but honestly, I'm committing three of these errors right now! Is that why I can't get a key to the executive washroom? Or is it my rebellious attitude and pungent man-scent that's keeping me down? The shocker in here was pigtails on women... I love pigtails on women!"
Signs that you are letting StarTrek leak too far into your work habits:
* Replaced your Enter key with an Engage key.
* If you are in management and have to fire somebody, you say:
"Kaaaaahn! You are fired!"
* "Our company decided not to assimilate you after all."
* Accidently keep calling attractive female coworkers "7".
* One of them understands the reference and slaps you. (Literally, or with a harassment complaint).
* "Dammit Jim, I am a programmer, not a network administrator!"
* Keep referring to your boss as "Captain".
* If your boss asks you to hurry up to reach a deadline, you say with a Scottish accent: "I'm givin' her all I've got, Captain".
* Multiply estimates by a factor of four.
* An irate user calls and you head over to visit them mumbling to yourself, "Screw 'stun', phasers on 'kill' this time."
* Refer to job interview as "first contact".
* Refer to the fax machine as "the paper transporter".
Or the "flattened sheet of carbon fibers transporter".
* Look at your paycheck and say, "There is no way in hell I'll live long and prosper".
* Refer to a Cartesian-Join as "Infinite diversity in infinite combinations".
* Rig your desktop computer to throw sparks and smoke if a program crashes.
* Refer to the marketing department as "the Ferengi".
* Refer to your monitor as "the main viewer".
* Refer to files with "hidden" attribute as "cloaked".
* Refer to over-promised difficult projects as "boldly going where no man has gone before".
* Replace "Women" sign on restroom with "where no man has gone before".
* Keep saying to the coffee machine, "Tea, Earl Grey, Hot!"
* Think wearing red ties will get you canned.
* Refer to the server room as "the engine room".
* The cafeteria is "Ten-Forward"
* The main meeting room is "the bridge"
* Offsite client visit is an "Away mission".
* A vacation is a "Risa visit".
* Keep telling users that you are an explorer and not on a military mission.
* When you get stuck on a project, you immediately try to call Spock via the wall thermostat.
* Double points if he answers.
* Ask coworkers if they want to play Fizzbin after work.
* Keep running into doors because they don't automatically open.
* Try using the voice interface to your computer. Once it has been pointed out that * your Boss hasn't installed speech-recognition, and you should use the keyboard, exclaim, "The keyboard. How quaint!"
* "Sorry, boss, I can't come to your office because I am out of transporter range."
* Refer to the phone as a "communicator".
* "Sorry, I can't hear you clearly on this communicator. There must be trionomic radiation on this planet." (80% of the planets they visit seem to have some kind of radiation that blocks their communication or their transporters. It is powerful enough to knock out 24th-century technology but still not fry humans devoid of space suits.)
* You bet 100 Quatloos in the office baseball pool.
* You call a coworker's style Klingon Programming.
(Courtesy c2.com)
Table-ized A.I.