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Satellite Abandoned Due To Orbital Patent

Posted by Soulskill on from the patently-ridiculous dept.

EreIamJH brings news about a commercial geostationary satellite that was launched last month. Due to a launch failure, the satellite did not reach the orbit required to perform its function. The satellite's owner, SES Americom, looked for a way to salvage the satellite, but ran into an unexpected hurdle; a Boeing patent on the lunar flyby process that would be used to correct the satellite's orbit. If another company doesn't purchase the satellite, it is likely to become another piece of space junk. The European Space Agency has posted a gallery of the maps they have put together for man-made debris in orbit around the earth.

17 of 366 comments (clear)

  1. They can patent that? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Damn! I'm going to have to start patenting all those 'inventions' by Newton. The first one I'm going to call gravity (TM).

    1. Re:They can patent that? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      That's a bad name and will never be approved. A better one is "a procedure to transport a payload from one point to another by the use of an attractive force that is proportional to the mass of the payload and a reference object and is inversely proportional to the square of the distance of separation between the respective centers of mass". This one will be approved in a heartbeat and you can immediately use it to sue the airlines. See if you can get an injunction to prevent airplanes in flight from violating your patent. And if they crash you can sue the estates of the passengers!

    2. Re:They can patent that? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      "Perhaps he doesn't tell the recipe just to protect the source of raw material he uses from depletion?"

      Don't be silly. You can get human brains anywhere.

    3. Re:They can patent that? by iminplaya · · Score: 5, Funny

      If it crashes into a graveyard, my patented algorithm will determine where to bury the survivors.

      --
      What?
    4. Re:They can patent that? by mcmonkey · · Score: 2, Funny

      Don't be silly. You can get human brains anywhere.

      I was going to make a comment about human brains being scarce, but then I realized quite the opposite.

      Not only are human brains plentiful, but most will be in new, un-used condition.

  2. Satellite to Earth: by Ihlosi · · Score: 4, Funny

    Send more lawyers !

  3. Re:Please read whole story before writing summary by BadAnalogyGuy · · Score: 5, Funny

    splash the satellite

    That's a euphemism for having sex with a pregnant woman. Well, it is now.

  4. Re:Please read whole story before writing summary by Digestromath · · Score: 4, Funny
    You've got it all wrong!

    'Splashing the satellite' is having wild and poorly aimed sex with a woman, while her uglier and less popular sister is in an uncomfortably close orbit.

  5. Re:Jurisdiction? by rah1420 · · Score: 4, Funny

    In space, no one can hear lawyers scream.

    --
    Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens.
  6. You MORONS. by MikShapi · · Score: 4, Funny

    Were I thus inclined, I'd go for the biggest market out there - patent a "procedure to transfer one's hereditry information onto a partial duplicate of oneself or the recreational practice thereof, through the use of a pshysio-mechanical maneuver with an individual of the opposing sex..."

    --
    -
    1. Re:You MORONS. by h4rm0ny · · Score: 2, Funny

      with an individual of the opposing sex..."

      Limit your profits, why don't you?
      --

      Aide-toi, le Ciel t'aidera - Jeanne D'Arc.
    2. Re:You MORONS. by justthisdude · · Score: 5, Funny

      Were I thus inclined, I'd go for the biggest market out there - patent a "procedure to transfer one's hereditry information onto a partial duplicate of oneself or the recreational practice thereof, through the use of a pshysio-mechanical maneuver with an individual of the opposing sex..." After all the arguments over Homosexuality being inborn or a choice, it turns out it is just a work-around to avoid patent infringement!
      --
      "I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness" - Leela
  7. Re:Jurisdiction? by h4rm0ny · · Score: 2, Funny


    This requires more testing. Send lawyers and rockets, now.

    --

    Aide-toi, le Ciel t'aidera - Jeanne D'Arc.
  8. Re:method patent by SharpFang · · Score: 5, Funny

    Wouldn't Tarzan be a prior art?

    --
    45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
  9. Soylent Green is People... by NotQuiteReal · · Score: 1, Funny

    Perhaps the cure involves eating cow nuts or something and he'd rather not tell his clients...

    --
    This issue is a bit more complicated than you think.
  10. Re:Want to buy new tag... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    No. It's patented.

  11. Re:method patent by GaryPatterson · · Score: 2, Funny

    I recall a few years ago a patent lawyer here in Australia managed to patent a circular device for assisting motion.

    He then went public and said that the system was so broken he patented the wheel.

    Yay to the patent examiners.