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Early Review Calls New Indiana Jones Film Dreadful
bowman9991 writes "Hope this one isn't true! An early negative review calls the upcoming "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" movie predictable, lacking in tension, and a fan's worst nightmare. SFFMedia believes this new Indiana Jones movie could create a similar reaction a lot of people experienced after watching the first of the last three Star Wars movies, 'The Phantom Menace': you wait for years and years, the anticipation building, and then it's so awful it taints your view of the original movies. Of course George Lucas was involved with Star Wars too." The SFFMedia piece refers to this review on Ain't it Cool News. The trailer I saw (before Iron Man) actually looked great to me, so I'm taking this with a grain of salt.
Weren't they all? Well, at least I haven't been counting down the days to see the next IJ movie. they certainly weren't that good.
No comprende? Let me type that a little slower for you...
So, torrent plz so I can see for myself?
The opening scene is a total heart attack. Indy barely escapes a huge stone ball despite being slowed by his walker. He pulls his colostomy bag out of the way just in time. It was a real heart pounding experience. But that was easily fixed with an emergency room visit and some clot-busting drugs.
..the reviewer is the master of any Shoguns either. So I'm not too worried.
i remember seeing the episode 1 teaser preview for the first time and thought OMG yes! this is gonna be sweet. as we all know hindsight is 20/20.
do you like darth vader?
oh god yes! i love darth vader!
well in the first one you get to see him as a little kid.
is he evil like damien?
no he's just a little kid then he leaves his mom and gets sad.
do you like bobba fett?
hell yeah i like bobba fett.
well in the second movie you get to see him as a little kid.
is he like a badass bounty hunter in training?
no, his died dies and he gets sad.
As a man who finds himself occasionally yelling out "INDY!!" in imitation of John Rhys-Davies, all I have to say is...
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Well, Temple of Doom sucked hell-a bad. Frankly, I blame it on "short stuff" and trying to be campy.
Putting that Shai LaBuff (spelling) kid in this one is probably what did it in. The success formula for Indiana Jones movies is number of nazis > number of kids. Nazis are exciting and mysterious, kids are just obnoxious and don't belong in an adventure film anyway... except for Goonies.
Absolutely. I'm at work so I can't actually check the link, but this should be a link to a great clip job. They took scenes from The Shining trailer and recut it to look like a romantic comedy. Really excellent job.
So far this has been the pattern:
:P
1st film: Groundbreaking
2nd film: Great
3rd film: Ok
4th film: WTF was everyone thinking?
So help me if one character utters something like "Me-sa gonna get the skull, Indy?", I'm going to have kill myself right there in the theater. Maybe I'll humanley spare some fellow movie patrons by taking them out first.
Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Movies about aliens just ain't that popular anymore...
Agreed. I suggest the Wall Street Journal for movie reviews. Usually they hate everything, so if they actually like something, you should probably see it.
"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get." -- H. J. Simpson
Or you could be aiding in rick rolling us.
//crawls under his table and puts on his tin-foil hat
The plot thickens!
...then I'm sure we can look forward to a multitude of Special Editions with various tweaks. Guns will be digitally replaced with walkie talkies, walkie talkies will be replaced with guns, and eventually Shia LaBeouf will be digitally replaced with an character that's more universally loved and admired, such as Jar Jar Binks.
I would never rick-roll you. Also, I would never give you up, let you down, never ever run around, or turn around and hurt you.
Well no shit.
"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." --Paul Atreides, Dune
There was also an episode of The A-Team towards the end of its run about a crystal skull. It, too, was widely regarded as the worst episode ever, a fan's nightmare, and such.
The lesson: if it says "crystal skull" anywhere, avoid it like the plague.
The World Wide Web is dying. Soon, we shall have only the Internet.
There is no standard in the universe by which the Phantom Menace can be judged a 'great movie'.
ACK! I've been rick-rolled by text!
Yeah, I don't see why Indy found her attractive, but I guess when you're stuck out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by creepy bald guys painted in blood, you get desperate.
which is totally what she said
Collector's Edition
Indeed, I could almost guarantee that without the original Star Wars pedigree, Phantom Menace would never have been greenlit in the first place and would *certainly* not have been released in its existing form. It would have been reworked, re-shot and probably still eventually shelved, then dumped straight to DVD assuming it was greenlit in the first place.
Can you see the pitch now?
Lucas: "It's a film about trade disputes and tax reform... in space!"
Studio: "Next!"
I still haven't got over my disappointment at the utter pile of poo that was the second Highlander film</quote>
THERE (should have been) ONLY ONE!
I wish Michael Bay movies were only three minutes long!
how to invest, a novice's guide
Congratulations sir. This post was your 1337th.
Would you kindly mod me +1 insightful?
Oh, come on... I admit it should've been done sooner. But even Spielberg isn't good enough to be able to release the fourth installment before the third!
My Answer: you are too young. Too young to actually remember when Hollywood had the ability to crank out thoughtful, meaningful, entertaining, and relevant films. Now movies are just vehicles for selling tie-in merchandise, and count on the bar being set so low that even crap like JarJar and Mannequin Skywalker's bad acting are perfectly acceptable to the younger generations. Ewoks? If I wanted fucking Muppets in a movie, I would go see one of the Muppet Movies (which were great - at least the first 2)- but don't mess up my Star Wars movies with them.
Now you damn kids GET OFF MY LAWN!!
"But this one goes to 11!"
Excellent job, indeed. Here are some more great recuts:
THE ORIGINAL Scary 'Mary Poppins' Recut Trailer
Must Love Jaws
10 Things I Hate About Commandments
These would make pretty interesting movies! But seriously, though, pimpified trailers are one of the reasons I don't go to the theaters so often. It really infuriates me to be deceived that way. Nowadays, I either rent or ________...
"The Phantom Menace was pretty poor, but it's largely to do with the excessive expectations of people and their over-hyped ideals."
No, The Phantom Menace sucked on it's own merits (yes, that's a double, maybe triple, entendre).
Great, now I had to explain to my non-nerdy wife what the hell "rick rolling" is, so she could understand my loud outburst of laughter.
God invented whiskey so the Irish would not rule the world.