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Early Review Calls New Indiana Jones Film Dreadful

bowman9991 writes "Hope this one isn't true! An early negative review calls the upcoming "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" movie predictable, lacking in tension, and a fan's worst nightmare. SFFMedia believes this new Indiana Jones movie could create a similar reaction a lot of people experienced after watching the first of the last three Star Wars movies, 'The Phantom Menace': you wait for years and years, the anticipation building, and then it's so awful it taints your view of the original movies. Of course George Lucas was involved with Star Wars too." The SFFMedia piece refers to this review on Ain't it Cool News. The trailer I saw (before Iron Man) actually looked great to me, so I'm taking this with a grain of salt.

16 of 643 comments (clear)

  1. I'd like to make up my own mind by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    So, torrent plz so I can see for myself?

  2. No lack of tension at all! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    The opening scene is a total heart attack. Indy barely escapes a huge stone ball despite being slowed by his walker. He pulls his colostomy bag out of the way just in time. It was a real heart pounding experience. But that was easily fixed with an emergency room visit and some clot-busting drugs.

    1. Re:No lack of tension at all! by skuzzlebutt · · Score: 4, Funny

      I read that the giant stone was lodged in his kidney this time, and that the quest was for the Prune Drink of Asimoth, which would then lead him to the Throne of Eventual Relief.

      --
      My debut novel AMITY now available: http://jeremydbrooks.c
  3. Re:A good trailer by L+Boom · · Score: 5, Funny

    Absolutely. I'm at work so I can't actually check the link, but this should be a link to a great clip job. They took scenes from The Shining trailer and recut it to look like a romantic comedy. Really excellent job.

  4. The streak continues. by UnknowingFool · · Score: 5, Funny

    So far this has been the pattern:

    1st film: Groundbreaking
    2nd film: Great
    3rd film: Ok
    4th film: WTF was everyone thinking?

    So help me if one character utters something like "Me-sa gonna get the skull, Indy?", I'm going to have kill myself right there in the theater. Maybe I'll humanley spare some fellow movie patrons by taking them out first. :P

    --
    Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
  5. Re:complete BS by businessnerd · · Score: 4, Funny

    Agreed. I suggest the Wall Street Journal for movie reviews. Usually they hate everything, so if they actually like something, you should probably see it.

    --
    "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get." -- H. J. Simpson
  6. If it's not a success... by ShinySteelRobot · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...then I'm sure we can look forward to a multitude of Special Editions with various tweaks. Guns will be digitally replaced with walkie talkies, walkie talkies will be replaced with guns, and eventually Shia LaBeouf will be digitally replaced with an character that's more universally loved and admired, such as Jar Jar Binks.

  7. Re:A good trailer by L+Boom · · Score: 5, Funny

    I would never rick-roll you. Also, I would never give you up, let you down, never ever run around, or turn around and hurt you.

  8. Save us from crystal skulls!!! by FooAtWFU · · Score: 4, Funny

    There was also an episode of The A-Team towards the end of its run about a crystal skull. It, too, was widely regarded as the worst episode ever, a fan's nightmare, and such.

    The lesson: if it says "crystal skull" anywhere, avoid it like the plague.

    --
    The World Wide Web is dying. Soon, we shall have only the Internet.
  9. Re:That, my friends, is... by mark72005 · · Score: 5, Funny

    There is no standard in the universe by which the Phantom Menace can be judged a 'great movie'.

  10. Re:A good trailer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    ACK! I've been rick-rolled by text!

  11. Re:A good trailer by twistedsymphony · · Score: 4, Funny

    Great idea! Movies would be only 3 minutes long and completely filled with explosions. You would of course, charge full price.
    So... it's like a Michael Bay flick?
  12. Re:That, my friends, is... by badasscat · · Score: 5, Funny

    Indeed, I could almost guarantee that without the original Star Wars pedigree, Phantom Menace would never have been greenlit in the first place and would *certainly* not have been released in its existing form. It would have been reworked, re-shot and probably still eventually shelved, then dumped straight to DVD assuming it was greenlit in the first place.

    Can you see the pitch now?

    Lucas: "It's a film about trade disputes and tax reform... in space!"

    Studio: "Next!"

  13. Re:A good trailer by chromatic · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wish Michael Bay movies were only three minutes long!

  14. Re:My Answer: YOU'RE ALL TOO OLD!!!! by Mister+Whirly · · Score: 4, Funny

    My Answer: you are too young. Too young to actually remember when Hollywood had the ability to crank out thoughtful, meaningful, entertaining, and relevant films. Now movies are just vehicles for selling tie-in merchandise, and count on the bar being set so low that even crap like JarJar and Mannequin Skywalker's bad acting are perfectly acceptable to the younger generations. Ewoks? If I wanted fucking Muppets in a movie, I would go see one of the Muppet Movies (which were great - at least the first 2)- but don't mess up my Star Wars movies with them.

    Now you damn kids GET OFF MY LAWN!!

    --
    "But this one goes to 11!"
  15. Re:My Answer: YOU'RE ALL TOO OLD!!!! by sakonofie · · Score: 5, Funny

    If I wanted fucking Muppets in a movie, I would go see one of the Muppet Movies Offended Yoda is.