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Studies Confirm That Bad Boys Get More Girls
seattlle foodie sends along a New Scientist article outlining two recent studies that confirm what many have long suspected: bad boys get the most girls. "The finding may help explain why a nasty suite of antisocial personality traits known as the 'dark triad' persists in the human population, despite their potentially grave cultural costs. The traits are: the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking, and callous behavior of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism. At their extreme, these traits would be highly detrimental for life in traditional human societies. People with these personalities risk being shunned by others and shut out of relationships, leaving them without a mate, hungry and vulnerable to predators."
There are some how-to books for dating that advocate being a complete asshole. I download (pirate) books more than anything, and occasionally I'll see a dating guide that I'll skim over. Anyone with a social life has probably noted that there is a serious art in treating women like crap, and it will get you laid quickly.
To speculate why this trait would be advantageous from an evolutionary standpoint, many people who treat women like crap have a "me-first" attitude, and are skilled manipulators of their social surroundings. To use an anecdote, I have a friend who is very good at picking up smokin'-hot young women in college bars (hes in college too). Despite having a relatively-low GPA, being a serious pot-head, and alcoholic, he has managed to finagle scholarship after scholarship out of his department. People like him; but I have never met anyone that the adage "familiarity breeds contempt" applies to more. I unfortunately know him well enough to understand that he is a borderline psychopath in regards to his empathy for other human beings.
Back to why this is an evolutionary advantage, his "me-first" attitude will become an "us-first" attitude when he gets married, he will have no problem fucking-over his friends, co-workers, bosses, and neighbors for personal gain, because people will tolerate it to a certain extent. This is because he is largely like-able, although he avoids people enough so that they don't grow tired of his constantly selfish attitude.
To sum my point, so-called "bad boys" that women like are skilled social manipulators that pull no punches. They probably are impressed by that, although this person has few desirable traits, people seem to like him, and also he gets what he wants by asserting social dominance through being well-liked.
I suspect many of the guys here have heard that, and I am no exception. I used to joke that I was the most attractive guy in the world to women who weren't looking for a relationship because of how frequently married women had wonderful things to say about me. (the most painful was when they implied I must be fighting off the women because I was so wonderful; that certainly never matched my experience)
Since I have gotten married I these comments haven't stopped, though they are now made to my wife instead of me. My wife is constantly being bombarded with "You're so lucky!", "How on earth did you find him?", "Where was he hiding?" and the like. Like others here, not only was I not hiding, but couldn't get a date for the life of me (I can count the women I dated on my thumbs, and interestingly they both asked me out, meaning that exactly 0% of the women I ever asked out said yes).
I don't know why it should be so shocking that if the criteria you use to choose your dates doesn't have anything to do with what you are looking for that the chances of getting what you are looking for are slim. However, it seems that for most people (women and men) the idea of screening candidates by qualities that actually match the things you want is alien.
Or, in other words, you should be smart enough to figure it out.
Not exactly. "Aware" is a better word that "smart". You could have a PHD in financial forecasting or evolutionary biology and still fail to see a person is using you due to emotional feelings.
Simply being aware of your biological limitations doesn't solve the issue either but its a start. It doesn't require any intelligence other willingness to pay attention to yourself and to question your own actions which many in western society see as a character flaw.
But in truth, once you start asking "Why am I doing this?" you see how stupid you can be sometimes.
Of course telling people that love is a chemical that can be synthesized makes you unpopular with the ladies, but I've gotten out of unhealthy relationships with that mentality.
"I am the king of the Romans, and am superior to rules of grammar!"
-Sigismund, Holy Roman Emperor (1368-1437)
When this topic arises, I often, if not always, link to the article What Happened to All the Nice Guys? .
Every nice guy's recommended reading.
Ignore this signature. By order.
That's what happened to me in High School. I was the stereotypical 'nice guy' until I realized that I wasn't being nice as much as I was being horney and (unsuccessfully) using 'nice' as a way to fulfill that need. So, I based my social interactions on the truth, that I was in fact horney, and nice (but not nearly as nice as I had acted before). The nice learned it's limit fast, the horney made itself obvious, but not desperate (lude jokes, obvious sexual passes, but not lamenting about a lack of sex life) and I stopped caring so much. I ended up losing a couple female friends. I also ended up loosing a couple female friends. (my first joke based on a typo! yay!) Overall, just the refreshing honesty of being myself was a relief, the fact that it WORKED, CONSISTENTLY, was outstanding. In fact, by the time I settled down, I was picking and choosing between women.
I still wore glasses, I still was fat (250 or so on a 5'11" frame, I didn't lose any weight until I was nearly married), but I was witty (like most nerds can be when not overwhelmingly nervous) I was seemingly confident (it was actually apathy, at first) and I was laid on a regular basis.
There ya go, neomunk's nerd-dating testimonial. You can live your dreams, I'm living proof... Beefcake!
You said, "Women who are abused are not the ones to blame. They are the ones who have the power to stop it but they are not really to blame."
Yes, women are to blame for what they do. They have the same responsibility for their own actions as men.
This is just more of the same old Slashdot pseudo-science that is posted as a real story.
"Bad boys" communicate that women have no responsibility toward them. That's what women want when they just want to have sex. Only that. Try it yourself. If you communicate that women have no responsibility, they will want sex with you, too.
You might need considerable practice, because at present you may have no idea what you are actually communicating.
Yes, it is a compliment when a woman wants to be intimate with you. But, after a lot of that, it gets annoying. Only a real, responsible relationship with a woman who wants to be true partners will give you what you need as a human.
If you communicate that you want a real relationship, then it will be difficult to find a woman in the United States, because the culture in the United States is going through a period in which women are very negative toward men.
Try different countries. Things can be very, very different in a country other than your home country. Put on a backpack and hitchike through Europe during the summer. I recommend the Greek island of Ios in July. (But, I haven't been there in a long time.) The Greeks are nice but the real attraction is other travelers from all over Europe. Two-thousand-five-hundred women and an equal number of men, with nothing to do but socialize.
Take buses and trains in less-developed countries. Stay in cheap hostels for backpackers. Read Let's Go: Europe. Read the Lonely Planet guides. You will meet women travelers who are a bit different because they also have decided to do a little more with their lives than stay home.
If you want a wife, try looking in Brazil, where women are a little less religious about avoiding responsibility. If you look in Brazil, don't just marry the first Brazilian woman who seems wonderful. Talk to your woman about responsibility. If you don't get good answers, try other women. Learn the Brazilian culture. Learn the Brazilian social sophistication.
You might also try Thailand, but you would probably need to learn to speak and write Thai, and you would need to learn an Asian culture, and it would be more difficult to find a truly mature woman. Remember the lyrics of the song "One night in Bangkok". Don't just fall in love with the first Thai woman who is nice to you.
Quote from the song: "One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble. Can't be too careful with your company."
The song is about a real event. One year the world chess championship was held in Thailand. The men went out at night, and were not prepared for the experience of being treated with gentleness. The Dalai Lama says that Thai people are gentle, and he's right.
I've seen it myself. One night, a long time ago, standing on the corner of Patpong road, a western woman was trying to get control over her western man again after he had seen in a Thai bar that a woman could be truly gentle with a man. All the man had known in his entire life, apparently, was women being harsh with men.
Again, don't marry the first Thai woman who is nice to you. Learn the culture. Learn the special challenges of being multi-cultural yourself and having a multi-cultural relationship.
A good idea, if you are in a country in which the native language is not English, is to hang around a school that teaches English. When you see a woman who is interesting, offer to have a conversation in English with her, so that she can practice, if she will teach you the Thai culture. In Thailand, you might try visiting the
Not to be mean, but you wasted your best fuck years in your teens and twenties....
1) Virtually all studies agree conclude that the vast majority of heterosexual males go a lifetime with fewer than 15 partners. And many conclude numbers half that. Look it up. I'm -possibly- slightly below average in partner count, but I doubt it.
2) Its not like a low number of partners predicts a low frequency of sex. In fact, most studies conclude that sexually active couples in their teens and 20s generally have far more sex than 'sexually active singles'.
3) I think most people who've tried both agree that 'one night stand sex', especially while intoxicated, is actually generally pretty lousy.
Thanks for your concern, but I really didn't 'miss out' on all that much.
Therefore, this is being biologically ingrained in us by women. Which is not to say that it's not biologically ingrained in them, too.
The other thing I find offensive about calling sex with men violent is that presently 50% of the males born right now in this country get some of the most sensitive parts of their penis removed in a routine medical operation (furthermore, when the "sex with men is violence" meme arose, it was closer to 80% of male babies). This is mutilation, even when there are no complications, such as the skin ending up too tight, or the shaft getting damage, resulting in a dysfunctionally bent penis, or part of the glans being removed, or hemmorraging. Anyway, best-case scenario, you desensitize the penis, which makes guys like rougher sex with unnatural levels of friction.
It's hilarious when a feminist tells you that circumcision isn't genital mutilation. Maybe next time one does, you can slap her and get laid. :D
(disclaimer: don't slap the bitches)
Please stop stalking me, bro.
A geek who is married. I will agree with this. I got lucky, My wife was having a hard time in her life when I met her, she was out of place and in a foreign country. I stepped in as the "nice" guy I had always been told by women and books that I should be. Months went by, and suddenly one night I had this terrible day, I was stressed out, and ready to kill someone. She came by for help with an english paper.
I without thinking, already on edge, suddenly kissed her. Suddenly, I stopped being the nice guy, and turned into the guy who unexpectedly kissed her and grabbed her rear end.
Over time, I found out that polite, tame, and watered down was not what she wanted, and she claims no girl wants that. It makes them feel that they are with a weak man that will not protect or provide in rough times.
I learned that they want a manly man. I don't mean the jock. They want a man who cares, loves, and is kind to them. But is strong, powerful, and "manly".
The jocks give them the part that makes them get attracted. But they lack the decency of a good character and temperament that provides a life long mate. We can do the second part, but many of us do not have the instinctual understanding of how to act dominate. And that dominance shows a safe place to raise children, have a home that is protected. Or we have become afraid that we will be seen as a brute.
But being strong does not mean being brutish. This applies in many situations when interacting with women. Have a heart, but let it be strong and conquer. This applies to many situations, in conversation, relationship, and the bedroom.
They come to you to cry because you are a man, but a if you never act like it, the signal of sexual attraction will never come through the static.
You must combine that jock "take what I want" and "I don't need you" composure and actions, and then after you have them on the hook, let them see that you will be a caring, loving protector.