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NASA's Mars News Is Not Life, But Perchlorate
leighklotz writes "In an update to the little green men story of not-life-on-Mars, NASA has twittered: 'The buzz this weekend was due to an interesting soil chemistry finding, still preliminary, but now avail here:' where 'here' is NASA Spacecraft Analyzing Martian Soil Data. The exciting bit: 'Within the last month, two samples have been analyzed by the Wet Chemistry Lab of the spacecraft's Microscopy, Electrochemistry, and Conductivity Analyzer, or MECA, suggesting one of the soil constituents may be perchlorate, a highly oxidizing substance.' Also, 'NASA will hold a media teleconference on Tuesday, Aug. 5, at 2 p.m. EDT, to discuss these recent science activities.'"
Haha. I see what you did there! /Perc(hlor|ol)ate/
Dick: Mr. President, we've found perchlorates on Mars!
Prez: Pergo-weights, what are those?
Dick: Well Mr. President, perchlorates can be used in weapons of mass destruction.
Prez: WMD, sounds we should invade right away!
Dick: No problem, Mr. President, we've already got a plan in motion...
Some explosive chemicals hidden in the remote desert? That's got to be the easiest thing ever for Pres. Bush to understand.
Get your ass to Mars?
Oh right. "and is on the level of the sort of thing that the President might want to know about".
I can just see some NASA type holding up a 'Periodic Table' and trying to explain to "W" chemical interaction.
He (The President) couldn't even pronounce perchlorate, let along understand any explanation of what this means.
So, what was NASA doing, giving him a briefing?
* Carthago Delenda Est *
(Scientist holds up a diagram showing a molecule of it)
"Mr. President, this is perchlorate"
(GW does what he does best. Look dumb)
"O...kaaaaay..?"
"We can use it to make Oxygene on Mars."
"O...kaaaay..?"
"And it's also a powerful oxidizer."
"O...kaaaaay..?"
"That means it is an important component of rocket fuel, too!"
"The Mars has WMDs? I gotta hold a speech, we have to ralley our people to invade Mars and make sure they don't attack us! Our country is in peril from outer space! Like in the documentaries I saw yesterday on the SciFi channel!"
"Erh... Mr. President, I don't think..."
"We have to up your budget, at least double it. I won't rest until we can make sure Earth is safe from the Martian Threat. We have to declare a War on Mars!"
"Erh... Mr. Pres... double budget? Erh... Yes, Mr. President, I think you understood well what's at stake here."
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
I can see it now.
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FADE IN
INTERIOR: WHITE HOUSE PRESS BRIEFING ROOM
W: We must attack the terr'ists where they are most comfortable. We must invade Mars.
[Dick Cheney whispers something into his ear.]
W (quietly): Well.. what do you mean, they don't have oil?
[Dick Cheney whispers something else into his ear.]
W (quietly): Is that right? Dinosaurs? Well I'll be.
[Dick Cheney whispers something else into his ear. We distinctly can make out the word "moron". Bush rolls his eyes.]
W: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I have just been informed that our previous intelligence may have been slightly inaccurate. We have therefore decided to go the route of trade sanctions against Mars. Make no mistake, though, we will not tolerate this activity, and we reserve the right to go to war in the future if the Martians continue to harbor terr'ists....
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Make no mistake. If they find oil, we're going to invade before this President's term is up.... :-D
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