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Universal Surface Scanner Detected
mcgrew writes to tell us that scientists at the University of California, San Diego, have created a new system that can test any surface for just about anything. "Their idea uses a thin layer of metal drilled with nanoscale holes, laid onto the surface being tested. When the perforated plate is zapped with laser light, the surface plasmons that form emit light with a frequency related to the materials touching the plate. A sensitive light detector is needed to measure the frequency of light given off. The team says devices using this approach can be small and portable, will work on very low power, and could detect everything from explosives to bacteria. All that needs to be done now is build a system able to decode the light signatures."
R&D: We have this awesome device! And it can tell you everything about anything!
Boss: That sounds great, so what does it say about, say, this test material?
R&D: ....
R&D: We don't know yet. We don't know how to read it yet.
You never realize how much manually made unmanaged "linked" lists suck, till you have src.link.link.link.link...
Maybe now we will be able to determine what can be found McDonald's hamburger patty.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
I'll start.
It's called a transporter, it dematerializes and re-materializes anything placed on a raised platform. I have built the platform, all that needs to be done now is to figure out how to de/re-materialize objects.
I've also invented a portable fusion reactor. The concept is that I can fuse everyday objects - garbage - to make unlimited energy. I've got a bunch of garbage, all that needs to be done is figure out how to fuse at room temperatures.
Ok, now you guys come up with amazing inventions. You know, just like the guy in the article did.
A Universal Surface Scanner Detected? Did it show up on radar suddenly or something?
Radar Operator: Chief, we have detected something on radar!
Chief: What is it?
Radar Operator: It appears to be some sort of Universal Surface Scanner.....
Universal Surface Scanner Detected
I wasn't aware that a universal surface scanner existed, nor that there was a detector built to detect universal surface scanners. Now that I know that such a detector exists, and that it has detected a universal surface scanner, I am wondering: was there some sort of SETI-like project - a vast array of detectors just searching for signs of a universal surface scanner? I don't recall anything like this coming up on Slashdot before. How do we know that the detectors haven't registered a false positive. Maybe this isn't a universal surface scanner, but merely a universal surface sensor. Maybe it isn't a universal surface scanner, but one of those surface scanners that can scan the surface of most things, but has problems when it comes to surfaces that are shiney.
Where is this universal surface scanner? Is it something that we can duplicate, now that we know it exists? Is it something that we can retrieve from wherever it is and start scanning surfaces?
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
Right Next to the Hottest Furnace, and it's reserved for people who utter the phrase "All you gotta do now is write the software"
From the summary - "All that needs to be done now is build a system able to decode the light signatures.""
None of them can see the clouds; The polished wings don't care.
So, basically, we have tricorders that spit out pure gibberish that sounds important. Just like real Star Trek!
Carry around a mass spectrometer.