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Ultrasound Machine Ages Wine

Posted by samzenpus on from the I'll-take-the-cheap-stuff dept.

Inventor Casey Jones says his creation uses ultrasound technology to recreate the effects of decades of aging by colliding alcohol molecules inside the bottle. Mr. Jones said, "This machine can take your run-of-the-mill £3.99 bottle of plonk and turn it into a finest bottle of vintage tasting like it costs hundreds. It works on any alcohol that tastes better aged, even a bottle of paintstripper whisky can taste like an 8-year-aged single malt." The Ultrasonic Wine Ager, which looks like a Dr. Who ice bucket, takes 30 minutes to work and has already been given the thumbs up by an English winemaker. I know a certain special lady who is about to have the best bottle of Boone's Farm in the world.

12 of 448 comments (clear)

  1. Re:Oh Fun! by TinFoilMan · · Score: 3, Funny

    It'll be OLD mad dog and it won't be 20/20 anymore, more like 20/200

    --
    In my other life, I eat cats.
  2. Re:Whiskey? by pete-classic · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's an ultrasonic wallet-opener.

    -Peter

  3. Yeah but... by Entropy98 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Can it make regular snake oil taste like 30 year old snake oil?
    --
      Blackshot

    1. Re:Yeah but... by Fred_A · · Score: 4, Funny

      I call shenanigans, the machine isn't even pyramid shaped !

      --

      May contain traces of nut.
      Made from the freshest electrons.
  4. I know a certain special lady by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    I know a certain special lady who is about to have the best bottle of Boone's Farm in the world.

    Only after she finishes the debate tonight.

  5. As a bonus, it ages snake oil too... by nweaver · · Score: 5, Funny

    As an extra special bonus, it acts to rapidly age cheap snake-oil from the rancid dead rattler-junk it started out as to something equivelent to the finest age tawny boa extract.

    --
    Test your net with Netalyzr
  6. Re:Whiskey? by camperdave · · Score: 3, Funny

    Sure you can. Just ask Herb Tarlek. All you need is a funnel and an empty bottle of 40 year old scotch.

    --
    When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
  7. Re:English winemaker? by fiannaFailMan · · Score: 5, Funny

    When it gets the nod of a French winemaker or a vintner from California I'll be a little more intrigued.

    Global warming will probably give English winemakers some credibility in years to come. (No 'funny' mod points please, I'm being serious.)

    --
    Drill baby drill - on Mars
  8. Re:At least one physically impossible bogus claim by canajin56 · · Score: 4, Funny

    He may be full of shit, but 30 minutes in his miracle machine will make his cheap claim as persuasive as a well aged, high-end claim, by using ultrasonic waves to collide the bullshit nano-molecules.

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    ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
  9. Re:Whiskey? by doti · · Score: 3, Funny

    Like Earth is mostly harmless?

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    factor 966971: 966971
  10. Re:Whiskey? by retchdog · · Score: 5, Funny

    I didn't know they made urinals out of beechwood.

    --
    "They were pure niggers." – Noam Chomsky
  11. Re:Whiskey? by Markspark · · Score: 4, Funny

    why not? in china they put melamine in the milk.

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    i find your lack of faith in science disturbing!