Ultrasound Machine Ages Wine
Inventor Casey Jones says his creation uses ultrasound technology to recreate the effects of decades of aging by colliding alcohol molecules inside the bottle. Mr. Jones said, "This machine can take your run-of-the-mill £3.99 bottle of plonk and turn it into a finest bottle of vintage tasting like it costs hundreds. It works on any alcohol that tastes better aged, even a bottle of paintstripper whisky can taste like an 8-year-aged single malt." The Ultrasonic Wine Ager, which looks like a Dr. Who ice bucket, takes 30 minutes to work and has already been given the thumbs up by an English winemaker. I know a certain special lady who is about to have the best bottle of Boone's Farm in the world.
You can age Whiskey in a bottle? I thought it stopped aging as soon as it goes into a glass container. It's one of the differences between itself and wine.
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Were it true. But unfortunately you can't make bad wine into good wine just by aging it. It just becomes older bad wine.
Typically the 'age-worthy' wines are made with the choice fruit, and are designed to age by balancing the acid content with the fruit content. As the fruit mellows over time so do the acids (tannins). It is an art as much as as it is a science.
So call me a wine snob if you want, but I've tasted plenty of aged cheap wine and it's really not very good.
Can it make regular snake oil taste like 30 year old snake oil?
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Blackshot
As an extra special bonus, it acts to rapidly age cheap snake-oil from the rancid dead rattler-junk it started out as to something equivelent to the finest age tawny boa extract.
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When it gets the nod of a French winemaker or a vintner from California I'll be a little more intrigued.
Global warming will probably give English winemakers some credibility in years to come. (No 'funny' mod points please, I'm being serious.)
Drill baby drill - on Mars