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Depressed Astronauts Might Get Computerized Solace

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the just-email-them-porn dept.

alphadogg writes "Clinical tests on a four-year, $1.74 million project for NASA, called the Virtual Space Station, are expected to begin in the Boston area by next month. The effort is designed to address the onset of depression in astronauts while they are in outer space. In the project, sponsored by the National Space Biomedical Research Institute, a recorded video therapist guides astronauts through a widely used depression therapy called 'problem-solving treatment.'" Here's a related story from a few weeks ago. Those astronauts got it rough.

17 of 138 comments (clear)

  1. Depressed astronauts? by BadAnalogyGuy · · Score: 1, Funny

    This morning I read about a dog that was put on antidepressants. I thought to myself about how hard it must be to be a dog. Wake up whenever you want. Get fed at regular intervals. The only job requirement is that you show a modicum of glee when your owner is around. What does a dog get depressed about?

    People who have the best job in the world (and out of this world) really don't get much sympathy from me when they complain about the job.

    1. Re:Depressed astronauts? by dattaway · · Score: 4, Funny

      People who have the best job in the world (and out of this world) really don't get much sympathy from me when they complain about the job.

      Never underestimate several people in a small capsule farting over many days. Sometimes depression will make your eyes burn.

    2. Re:Depressed astronauts? by couchslug · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Hell, how are you supposed to do something as simple as crank out out when you have to worry about catching it all or it may jam an instrument panel?"

      Stealth fapping tech is inevitable. A cross between a Fleshlight and a milking machine should do the job.

      --
      "This post is an artistic work of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."
    3. Re:Depressed astronauts? by NotBornYesterday · · Score: 2, Funny

      Forget that. Fap out loud. None of the other astronauts will touch your stuff after that.

      --
      I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
    4. Re:Depressed astronauts? by Kratisto · · Score: 1, Funny

      I can say long-term college enrollment includes basically all the known triggers to depression - stress, isolation, sleep deprivation, lack of sunlight. And there's problem-solving steps you can do to mitigate each of these.

      Namely, switching out of an engineering major.

      --
      Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
  2. Joy Joy Feelings by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    The response will be: You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy joy feelings in all those around you.

  3. EMACS- what problem can't it solve? by tunabomber · · Score: 3, Funny

    M-x doctor always did it for me.

    --

    pi = 3.141592653589793helpimtrappedinauniversefactory71 ...
    1. Re:EMACS- what problem can't it solve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Why do you think that Eliza is a tease?

  4. Quick, cheap, and easy alternative by Rob+T+Firefly · · Score: 4, Funny

    Write the following on sticky notes and place them around the ship:

    CHEER UP, EMO ASTRONAUTS!
    You have the coolest freaking job in the whole damn stupid world.
    Untold thousands of nerds would do anything to get where you are, but the closest they'll ever get are sewing together their own Star Trek uniforms.
    Get over your damn selves, and get back to being awesome.

    --
    Slashdot Burying Stories About Slashdot Media Owned
    1. Re:Quick, cheap, and easy alternative by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      I don't think people shouting "buhbuhbuh SPACE!" realise the implications of spending years physically isloated from the rest of civilisation and trapped in the single most claustrophobic environment in the galaxy...

    2. Re:Quick, cheap, and easy alternative by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      I don't think people shouting "buhbuhbuh SPACE!" realise the implications of spending years physically isloated from the rest of civilisation and trapped in the single most claustrophobic environment in the galaxy...

      You must have missed the part where the poster mentioned they were Trekkies.

  5. I swear I read this as "Depressurized Astronauts" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    and I thought, "Geez, that's nice of em, but..."

  6. Re:Companionship by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Surely it would be cheaper to send up a few RealDoll's, lubricant & a silicone repair kit!

  7. Computerized Solace? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    This really just sounds like a fancy name for porn.

  8. One Word by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Teledildonics

  9. response by Verdatum · · Score: 2, Funny

    I see...And how does Depressed Astronauts Getting Computerized Solace make you feel?

  10. Re:Right.... by gstoddart · · Score: 2, Funny

    On Earth, we just call it porn.

    Yeah, but in space you'd have to design an entire device for collection so you don't have spooge floating around the space station. That'd likely foul up some equipment somewhere.

    I'm pretty sure the logistics of a micro-gravity wank in an enclosed space with sensitive equipment is far more challenging than simply giving the astronauts porn. :-P

    Cheers

    --
    Lost at C:>. Found at C.