Slashdot Mirror
Steve Jobs' Macworld Keynotes, 1998-2008
Ian Lamont writes "The Industry Standard has put together a collection of video highlights from Steve Jobs' Macworld keynotes since his return to Apple in the late 1990s. It's interesting to watch. Jobs was basically able to turn tech product demonstrations into convincing consumer spectacles that made even the simplest product feature — such as the handle on the clamshell iBook — seem innovative and utterly desirable. And while his appearance changed greatly over the years (compare his 1998 iMac demonstration with his "iPod Mini" keynote in 2004, when he was reportedly trying to treat cancer with a special diet), his enthusiasm never waned. Of course, he may make appearances at Apple's WWDC or other events, but a Macworld expo with Phil Schiller headlining just won't be the same."
Steve Jobs (born Steven Paul Jobs on February 24, 1955) is the CEO, chairman, and co-founder of Apple Inc., as well as the founder of cutting edge animation studio Pixar, thereby making him the dick to thank for a seemingly endless cavalcade of anthropomorphized machines, talking insects, and/or tow trucks voiced by Larry the Cable Guy.
Steve Jobs is a new school dick. In direct refutation of the traditional dick that still dominates both the business and academic worlds, Jobs masks his dickitude with a hip, user-friendly interface.
Along with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, Jobs helped popularize the personal computer in the late 1970s. He was also responsible for developing the mouse, an invention that not only revolutionized home computing, but also forced millions of men to switch over to left-handed masturbation.
Jobs is widely considered responsible for the Apple brandâ(TM)s sleek functionality. This has earned him a devoted, almost cult-like following, especially amongst two other new school dick populations: freelance graphic designers and adult-aged trust fund babies who have nothing better to do with their weekday afternoons than pack their iBooks into a messenger bag and head over to Ozzieâ(TM)s Coffee in Park Slope, Brooklyn, to continue working on the mission statement for yet another âoenon-profitâ theyâ(TM)re starting.
No matter how many PC users he manages to convert, Steve Jobs will always totally sweat Bill Gatesâ(TM) jock.
Early years
Steve Jobs began crafting stylishly elegant housing for his powerful egomania from the moment of his birth in San Francisco, the âoeGolden Dick City,â on February 24, 1955. He shares this birthday with fellow hipster hero Joe Lieberman, and Hollywood heartthrob Abe Vigoda.
Jobs grew up the son of a âoerepoâ man for a local âoefinanceâ company in Cupertino, California, a town whose other famous sons include one of the drummers for Primus and the guy who played head âoeterranautâ in that movie The Core, the 2003 sci-fi catastrophe that spelled the beginning of the end for Hilary Swank. Interestingly enough, Cupertino is not only home to the headquarters of Apple Inc., but also Symantec, Sun Microsystems, and other wannabe playas who wish they could techno-pimp half as big as Apple.
Unlike many Fortune 500 CEOs, Steve Jobs attended noted druggie school Reed College, where, sure enough, he became a druggie. Like many druggies, he got a job in video gaming. Then, he went on a pilgrimage to India, center of both mysticism and computer science. It was a spiritual journey that brought Jobs right back to Atari, where, possibly under the influence of LSD, he and Wozniak developed a souped-up version of Breakout, creatively called âoeSuper Breakout.â
Apple I
Jobs and Wozniak founded Apple Computer Co. in 1976 and introduced their first personal computer, the similarly creatively named Apple I, which they priced at $666.66, a number Wozniak is said to have arrived at because he liked repeating digits. Also, he is a Satanist. It was the computerâ(TM)s second iteration, Apple II: The Edge of Reason, that turned Apple into a publicly traded company, and Jobs into a multi-millionaire. However, it wasnâ(TM)t all IPOs and Orwellian TV commercials for Jobs, who was fired by the guy he had hired as Apple CEO just a year earlier. It takes a pretty big dick to get fired from your own company.
Intermission
Because John Ratzenberger wasnâ(TM)t getting enough voice work, Steve Jobs bought George Lucasâ(TM) computer graphics division, though unfortunately not before it could create Jar-Jar Binks. Renamed Pixar, the company produced several box office hits. Then Jobs sold it to The Walt Disney Company for $7.4 billion in stock, thus making him the single largest shareholder of the single largest dick corporation on earth.
Apple II
In
If we're going to judge Windows on a completely different operating system (Windows 98 - as noted here, "NT didn't crash, however, despite its much earlier beta state."; since you don't know, NT 5 became Windows 2000, from which Vista is descended from), then it's fair game to judge OS X by the shambles that was classic MacOS. So, wake me up when MacOS has finally managed simple features such as multitasking...