Slashdot Mirror
Keanu Reeves To Star In Cowboy Bebop
It excites me incredibly to know that a Cowboy Bebop movie is happening. But it makes me scared to think that Keanu is getting the lead in what might be my single favorite Anime series of all time. I'm very skeptical that he can pull off this role. For now we'll have to wait and speculate who the rest of the cast will be. I'm mostly curious who will get Faye Valentine. And we can only cross our fingers and hope that the soundtrack remains intact.
Unless this is one of those 3D movies in which case he will just suck.
Keanu Reeves knows Japanese?
If I have nothing to hide, don't search me
...he would have made a better Edward!
"[Regarding the 'cloud,'] ownership was what made America different than Russia." -- Woz
Poorly animated with stilted dialog is the way I'd also describe Keanu Reeves.
It's going to go to some hollywood bimbo with connections.
What I want to know...
Who's going to play Ein?
If we're going for bad casting, I vote for Cheech Marin as Jet, Queen Latifah as Faye, Rodney Dangerfield as Ein, and Summer Glau as Ed. The soundtrack should be composed by Phillip Glass.
Tonight's Special: Leg of Salmon
Oh, wait, Dangerfield is dead, isn't he?
Perfect; they can just splice him in from other movies he's done.
Tonight's Special: Leg of Salmon
Hm, I'm pretty sure in the original that Ein was alive. Maybe my memory's fuzzy though...
Comment of the year
If they have to redo the soundtrack, I hope they hire Bill Cosby.
hey, if Fred Astaire can sell me a vacuum from beyond the grave, then Dangerfield can be reanimated for great justice.
they say it is often more relevant then the comment above, all we know is its called the Sig!
Reeves is in no way suitable for this role.
The Keanu rule of suitability is thus: Is there something wrong with the brain of the character?
If so, then Keanu is perfectly suited to play the role.
For example: If the character has 80 gigs of memory hidden in his brain, or a giant gaping plug hole in the back of his skull, or he's a time traveling stoner, etc. Then Keanu plays that role to perfection.
IIRC, there was something wrong with Spikes' brain... post traumatic stress I think, so yeah, Keanu'll do fine.
You can't take the sky from me...
... I much rather would have liked to have a Cowboy Neil movie.
No, but you must be the only one that didn't just google it.
He is not entirely useless though. He could probably pull off the main role in Soylent Green. Starring as Soylent Green.
If they're going to yutz it up with Keanu, what else can they do wrong? Let's see:
Spike: Keanu Reeves
Jet: Samuel L. Jackson (not the cool one from pulp fiction but the lame one from Star Wars and b-movies)
Ein: Taco Bell dog
Ed: Rosie O'Donnell with CGI and optical effects like from Lord of the Rings to make her appear hobbit-sized
Vicious: the comedian Steven Wright with an albino wig, retains deadpan delivery.
Fae Valentine: the girl from Lazytown that all the pedos have the hots for
Coolie-yo: A brand new CGI character invented just for the movie who brings a fresh blast of hip-hop sass and in-your-face attitude, voiced by Chris Tucker
For every other character in the film, make it be Shia LaBeauf making like Eddie Murphy in the Professor movies, he plays every part. "Nononononononononononononononononononononononono!"
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
Cowboy Bebop is decent, but like most other anime is very derivative and features convoluted storylines.
What? Convoluted? That right there invalidates most of your post. Don't get me wrong, I love Cowboy Bebop, but it story is really pretty simple and straightforward. What is your idea of a storyline that's not convoluted? Doom?
I hope you never watch something like Evangelion or Ashes of Time. For that matter, stay away from reading, most adult sci-fi books will hurt you.
Maybe this will get Keira Knightly some more work as Ed, now that she refuses to let people digitally "enhance" her endowment.
"Oh no, Yoko Kanno!!! Now we'll have to use Danny Elfman!"
"Woah."
Did Joss Whedon really need another blowjob today?
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
A live action Edward.
I read Slashdot for the headlines, because the headlines, unlike the articles, are usually original and never duplicated
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Knock Knock!
...who's there?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Knock Knock!
*sigh* Who's there.
Knock Knock!
WHO'S THERE.
Knock Knock!
GODDAMMIT! WHO'S THERE?
Philip Glass.
Your brain is not a computer.