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Sniping Could Be the Next Killer iPod App
An anonymous Coward writes "Knights Armament Corp. who supply sniper rifles to the US military have developed a iPod Touch mounting system and software for the US Army M110 sniper rifle system. The use of off the shelf hardware no doubt cut costs and allowed rapid development of this system." If it automatically played a theme song after every head shot, this would be the coolest rifle accessory ever.
Scotty was a guy just out of his teens. He never really was sexually
satisfied. The reason for this was Scotty was a very picky young man. If he
didn't like the way a girl straddled than he just didn't want her. Scotty was
always looking for something new to tingle his dingle. He finally realized
that animal sex was the answer to his problems. So, Scotty frolicked about the
animal kingdom, in search of a species strong enough to appease his sexual
appetite. He injected many animals with his long, flaming rod (of course
excluding the insect world). He eventually became bored with the animals he
sexed; he wanted an animal with real horsepower - a jackass, a mule, a
donkey... whatever.
So, Scotty quested for his dream partner until finally, there it was,
standing tough and strong in a stable on someone's farm (whom he didn't know,
by the way). Scotty looked upon the jackass and thought to himself, "This is
gonna be good...I can feel it." The animal stood silently, not knowing of
Scotty's existence. Scotty said to the jackass, "Now you be good and you'll
get a nice lil' treat..." Little did Scotty know, he was in for a little treat
himself. So Scotty went on to his sexual calling.
Scotty stood behind the mule, inspecting the anus which would soon be
his. It looked tight enough to handle his masculinity. Scotty was indeed
horny over this particular animal. He depantsed himself quickly and with an
excruciating thrust, the jackass was his. Scotty pushed, thrusted, jammed, and
rammed his manhood into his zoological partner. Scotty groaned and howled...
he was enjoying it too much. But unfortunately, I can't say the same for the
jackass. He tried to pull away but just could not escape from the power of
Scotty's arms. So with a quick HEE-HAW, the donkey leaned a bit forward,
raised his feet and booted the living hell out of Scotty. The two hooves made
a permanent impression in poor Scotty's chest. Scotty lay on the ground,
bleeding and panting (short of breath, y'know? Wouldn't you be if a jackass
you were fucking kicked the shit outta your chest?). Sad enough for him, the
animal wasn't finished. Scotty, with an attempt to sit up, was immediately
thrashed once again by the jackass's hooves, this time across the face. Blood
and phlegm poured from Scotty's nose and throat (he was a bit congested that
day). A nail protruding from the jackass's shoes also caught hold of sad
Scotty's eye, ripping it clean out of his skull. Veins and arteries dangled
from Scotty's eye sockets while he lay placidly on the floor of the stable.
The jackass watched Scotty for any movement which could possibly hint at a sign
of life. After a time, Scotty turned his head with a groan (bad move on his
part, eh?). At that moment, the jackass charged in life-threatening fury. He
gave one last kick to Scotty's body... straight to the groin. The hoof pene-
trated Scotty's scrotum, crushing his testicles. Blood and urine gushed from
Scotty's bladder. His penis, now severed, rested peacefully in a soft bed of
hay, barely recognizable as a bloody limp stump. Scotty found his death bed,
although it wasn't what he was hoping for. The body sat motionless and quite
dead in a pool of blood, urine, phlegm, sperm, and hay. The jackass looked on
with amazement and immediately ran to the adjacent stable.
Yes, there is a moral to this story.... Whether you like it or not...
DON'T EVER SCREW WITH A JACKASS.