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How To Diagnose a Suddenly Slow Windows Computer?
Ensign Taco writes "I'm sure nearly every one of us has had it happen. All of a sudden your Windows PC slows to a crawl for no apparent reason. Yeah, we all like Linux because it doesn't do annoying things like this, but the Windows desktop still reigns supreme in most managed LAN work environments. I'm running XP with 4G of RAM and a decent CPU, and everything was fine, until one day — it wasn't. I've run spybot, antivirus, and looked at proc explorer — no luck. There is no one offending, obvious process. It seems every process decides to spike at once at random intervals. So I'm wondering if there's a few wizards out there that know what to look at. Could this be a very clever virus that doesn't run as a process? Or could this just be some random application error that's causing bad behavior? I've encountered this a few times with Windows PCs, but the solution has always been to just add more hardware. Has anyone ever successfully diagnosed this kind of issue?" And whether such a problem is related to malware or not, what steps would you take next?
The question I have for Obama is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single fat colored mammy sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? And as far as How To Diagnose a Suddenly Slow Windows Computer goes, I'm sure B. Hussein Obama doesn't give a rat's ass. For my part, I give How To Diagnose a Suddenly Slow Windows Computer two thumbs up.
I advocate SPITTING ON JEWS when anyone sees them on the street. Let's all start spitting on jews immediately.
Oh yes, that explains it, suddenly all the files on the hard disk scattered themselves around, after getting bored of being stored on the same disk blocks for all that time.
Defragging is a total waste of time, all it does is convince you things now go faster, after all, they must do, since you've waited for ages while it was being done.
Ha-ha, joke's on you faggot. Wait 'till the niggers and spics grab your little white ass and fuck you in the streets! When you get those back and brown dicks and their pearly white cum up your ass, then you'll realize that maybe the Obama Revolution isn't all it's cracked up to be. Enjoy your socialist inter-racial cesspool, because believe me, you've earned it.
I advocate SPITTING ON JEWS when anyone sees them on the street. Let's all start spitting on jews immediately.
fucking blow me, douchebag
Get the autoruns sysinternals utility, and just delete all the items you don't understand, or don't like the name of. One of them is bound to be the problem. Items from "Microsoft Corporation" are notoriously bad and should be deleted.
If that doesn't work, open up the registry editor, and delete stuff at random, until the problem goes away.
A couple weeks ago, while browsing around the library downtown, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john, Barack Obama -- the messiah himself -- came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was busy and in any case I was sure the secret service wouldn't even let me shake his hand.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured. The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as his cock -- or at least as I imagined it!
I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a liberal democrat and had been on the Obama train since last year. Of course I'd had fantasies of meeting him, sucking his cock and balls, not to mention sucking his asshole clean, but I never imagined I would have the chance. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of Barack Obama, the chosen one.
Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract?
I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big half nigger cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was that Barack Obama wasn't there to see my loyalty and wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit. It's even better than listening to an Obama speech!
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my handkerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom.
I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing,
No, because I've never had such a PC. But I know what's wrong with yours: it has Windows installed.
No joke, I did this last week, and started using Chrome. Strangely, it works ok.
Firefox - sucks. Their stupid sqllite way they keep bookmarks eats my disk, and their dns lookups keep reverting to ipv6 even though it is disabled.
IE - sucks. The flash plugin just eats memory until it crashes at about 600MB of usage.
It only took you two minutes to get that post in and mod it up. Bottnet indeed.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
Please kill yourself; you know it's the right thing to do.
Humbug!
[sarcasm]
Like one day all of a sudden mounting your root file system as read only simply because you commited the horrible sin of gracefully shutting down one night and powering up the next day?
Things like that?
Linux? Never!
[/sarcasm]
I am very small, utmostly microscopic.