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Toothy Racoon Bit Off Manhood

Posted by samzenpus on from the to-chew-off-the-penis-of-his-rival dept.

Ian-K writes "The Sun has a story about a man lost his 'tool' while trying to rape a raccoon. An observant reader over at ATS pointed out that luckily it wasn't a squirrel, or he may have also lost his nuts." I hope he can make something positive out of this experience, like talking at schools to warn kids about the dangers of oral sex with a raccoon.

13 comments

  1. (S)he was asking for it! by Vivika · · Score: 1

    Don't be so coy, you know you wanted it!

  2. Penis by trouser · · Score: 2, Funny

    Manhood: the state of being a man; manly qualities.

    Penis: the thing that was bitten off by a raccoon.

    --
    Now wash your hands.
    1. Re:Penis by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Trouser, it sounds like you may be missing your own trouser snake.

    2. Re:Penis by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      He doesn't miss it at all. He found a guy on the Internet who took care of it for him. Might have been cheaper to use a raccoon, albeit less sanitary.

  3. Darwin awards? by Charles+Dodgeson · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I know that the article offers a hint of a positive prognosis "getting things working again." But if that prognosis turns out to be false hope, then this guy should get nominated for the Darwin Awards.

    --
    Prime numbers are exactly what Alan Greenspan says they are -S. Minsky
    1. Re:Darwin awards? by redshirt · · Score: 1

      He qualifies for the Darwin Award regardless of the outcome.

    2. Re:Darwin awards? by Charles+Dodgeson · · Score: 1

      An act of extreme stupidity is only one criterion. He needs to effectively eliminate himself from the gene pool to qualify. That's why it matters whether the doctors can "get things working again."

      --
      Prime numbers are exactly what Alan Greenspan says they are -S. Minsky
    3. Re:Darwin awards? by redshirt · · Score: 1

      You are correct, of course; as long as he is capable of passing on his genes, he doesn't qualify. Though it will be quite a challenge to find a woman willing to mate with a man who has had part of his dick swallowed by a raccoon.

    4. Re:Darwin awards? by Charles+Dodgeson · · Score: 1

      This guy doesn't seem all that concerned about the willingness of his sexual partners, does he?

      --
      Prime numbers are exactly what Alan Greenspan says they are -S. Minsky
    5. Re:Darwin awards? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      invitro fertilization... doctors would be able to take sperms directly from his nuts. Sorry, he doesn't qualify (because of a technicality.)

  4. Another one for the Darwin Awards. by Neanderthal+Ninny · · Score: 2, Funny

    He may not have died but he, err... neuter noun, is missing some parts to make that neuter noun reproduce.
    Just thinking about it make me cringe and go into gonad protection mode.

  5. Russia? by MoellerPlesset2 · · Score: 1

    Supposedly this happened in Russia.

    Where did he find a raccoon in Russia? Raccoons are indigenous to North America?

    1. Re:Russia? by Narnie · · Score: 1

      So, does that mean he works at the local zoo? How many other creatures captive in this zoo also had inappropriate relations with this man?

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      greed@All_Evils:~#