Lawyer Sues To Get a Patent On Marketing

I Don't Believe in Imaginary Property writes "Lawyer Scott Harris, one of the inventors of the concept of a 'marketing company devoted to selling/marketing products produced by other companies in return for a share of their profits,' is appealing the USPTO's rejection of US Patent Application No. 09/387,823 which was intended to patent that 'invention.' This court action is important because it directly challenges the In Re Bilski ruling, which tightened the rules to get rid of most so-called 'business method' patents. One of Mr. Harris's legal theories is that a 'company is a physical thing, and as such analogous to a machine.' If the name seems familiar, it's because Mr. Harris has a long history of inventive legal maneuverings. I'm honestly surprised that SCO never tried to hire or sue him."

Comments

Re:The Future is Almost Here

[morgan_greywolf]

I'm a genius - off to the patent office to patent this idea! I can't wait for my first royalty check.

In related news, Boies, Schiller, LLP, have filed a lawsuit on behalf of The SCO Group against dsginter, who is the assignee listed on a recent patent application for a lawsuit-based business.

does that mean

[MrKaos]

advertisers can't lie without paying a royalty? Maybe I should patent lying.

Re:does that mean

[MrMr]

You need to get more into the spirit of things:
Just claim you patented lying and start extorting all the other liars.

Re:does that mean

[MrKaos]

Just claim you patented lying and start extorting all the other liars.

It's that kind of thinking that built this great land.

Re:The Future is Almost Here

[Tx]

I defend the right to bare arms and resolve conflicts like this in duels.

Easy there, I am also a fan of short sleeved shirts, but I'm not sure this is appropriate or traditional attire for a duel.

Re:Another one bites the dust!

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm sure we all wait with bated breath.

I'm waiting with baited breath; currently standing on the Redmond campus front lawn, wiggling a minnow between my teeth.

Wait...

[Tokerat]

Marketing company devoted to selling/marketing products produced by other companies in return for a share of their profits.

...Stores?!?

Re:Actually, lost on appeal and bilksi upheld

[Rogerborg]

Now, that Slashdot readers don't RTFA is usual, but submitters? Sheesh. :)

I'm telling you, the Take a Shot Every Time kdawson Posts Bullshit Drinking Game is the #1 contributor to cirrhosis of the liver.

Re:The Future is Almost Here

[Anonymous Coward]

doesn't grow because their dead.

they're

When will people get this right?

Re:companies are like snowflakes

[pmarini]

you mean that a company never makes the same mistake twice ? :-)

any reference to Microsoft in this post is purely coincidental...

Re:The Future is Almost Here

[Anonymous Coward]

Never. Their too busy trying to make there mark here and they're.

Sorry, just couldn't resist. Do you realise how difficult that was to type for someone with a traditional education (get it right or say hello to my friend Mr. Board Rubber)? I had to erect a fort first, just in case of flying educational supplies ;o)

Re:Actually, lost on appeal and bilksi upheld

[Fred_A]

This sucks. I was hoping we were finally going to get rid of marketing.

Patent Application

[rocketPack]

A Process for Obtaining Legal Ownership of Certain Intellectual Property

ABSTRACT
An application is submitted to a government run office which oversees the process of granting and protecting intellectual property rights. Applications contain explanations of methods, design, and applications for said creations, and are often accompanied by diagrams and figures representing the proposed creation for which the applicant ("the Owner") will seek to obtain exclusive rights to create or sell. Once such rights are granted, any facsimile or copy produced by anyone other than the Owner, without express permission of the Owner, will been deemed a forgery and they will be prosecuted pursuant to U.S. intellectual property laws. The following rules shall be applied to any application under consideration:

1. Prior Art will never be acknowledged. It is irrelevant to the money-making scheme.
2. The most obscure, ridiculous patents will be approved first.
3. The process shall never be permitted to be explained, documented, made public, or revised.
4. All complaints and obvious ill effects on society and technology shall be disregarded.
5. No actual usable device must ever be produced so that rights may be granted for things one could never actually reasonably expect to produce in any quantity.
6. Regardless of whether or not the Owner intends to use the granted rights for anything meaningful, or any purpose other than to hinder progress and make money off of the hard work of others, the application shall always be considered valid.

BACKGROUND OF THE INVENTION
None. I thought of it first and no one else had ever even conceived of such an invention. Take my word for it, no research necessary. Don't even bother Google'ing it.

DESCRIPTION OF PRIOR ART
Not that this is at all relevant, but see the previous section.

SUMMARY OF THE INVENTION
Uselessly over-abused process of rewarding those who deserve it the least and providing consistent unfair advantages to those who will hinder progress where progress is often needed the most.

FOR OFFICE USE ONLY-
Patent Application No. 7,512,440
GRANTED 3/10/2009

My patent

[MillionthMonkey]

I have been granted a patent on staying home from work and hitting the bong.

To the office with all of you!