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Time Warner To Spin Off AOL

Posted by samzenpus on from the goodbye dept.

Hugh Pickens writes "Time Warner is inching closer to untangling one of the worst mergers in American corporate history that began with the merger of Time Warner with America Online, a deal that has resulted in the evaporation of more than $100 billion of shareholder value. "Although the company's board of directors has not made any decision, the company currently anticipates that it would initiate a process to spin off one or more parts of the businesses of AOL to Time Warner's stockholders, in one or a series of transactions," Time Warner said in the filing. Tech industry analysts have speculated for years that Time Warner would spin off AOL; the two companies merged in 2001 with the idea that AOL's strengths as a new media company could benefit an old media company like Time Warner, and vice versa. But few synergies ever arose from the marriage and even AOL founder Steve Case, who is no longer with the company, has said that he believes the two companies should be separated."

18 of 141 comments (clear)

  1. So how much for AOL? by Device666 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Do I hear any bids?

    1. Re:So how much for AOL? by hal2814 · · Score: 1, Funny

      Ok, I'll start by giving you $100. You can trade that $100 for what's behind Door #1, Door #2, or Door #3. Door #3 it is. Behind Door #1 is a brand new Datsun 280Z. Would you like to switch doors? No? Behind Door #2 is a weeklong trip to West Germany. Your prize behind Door #3 is recently spun off AOL. [Zonk music plays now.] Oh, I'm so sorry. Have a good day. Now I'll offer someone in the audience $100 if they have a hardboiled egg...

  2. Synergies by MrEricSir · · Score: 5, Funny

    Please don't say "synergies." It makes me cry a little.

    --
    There's no -1 for "I don't get it."
    1. Re:Synergies by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Don't worry, we just need to synchronise your linguistic paradigms with the globalized world to leverage the cost-benefit ratio of using industry standard terminology.

    2. Re:Synergies by ActusReus · · Score: 2, Funny

      Great! Now you just have to "monetize" it...

    3. Re:Synergies by Mr.+Underbridge · · Score: 5, Funny

      Don't worry, we just need to synchronise your linguistic paradigms with the globalized world to leverage the cost-benefit ratio of using industry standard terminology.

      Fuck, I understood that! On the first read. Gaaaah, they've taken over my brain!

      First thing tomorrow at work, I'm gonna find one of the marketing weasels and punch him in the nuts for making me listen to crap like that.

    4. Re:Synergies by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Well... only if you can monetize our core competencies going forward.

  3. You've got Discs by wooferhound · · Score: 5, Funny

    Will I still get my AOL discs in the mail? I almost have enough to make a solar parabolic amplifier death ray.

    --
    We are Dead Stars looking back Up at the Sky
  4. alt.aol.sucks by oDDmON+oUT · · Score: 4, Funny

    'nuff said.

    --
    Some days it's just not worth
    chewing through my restraints.
  5. New Slashdot Unit by maxume · · Score: 5, Funny

    1 Time Warner AOL merger of negative shareholder value is worth 14.3 Carly Fiorinas.

    --
    Nerd rage is the funniest rage.
  6. Re:Spin off AOL? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    What a redundant and antiquated practice.

    -Anonymous Coward

  7. Obligatory Onion article by Peter+Trepan · · Score: 5, Funny

    AOL Acquires Time Warner in Largest Ever Expenditure of Pretend Internet Money

    --

    Step into a huge movement. Don't Tread In Me.

    1. Re:Obligatory Onion article by Skater · · Score: 5, Funny

      For completeness: Ted Turner Sends Self Back In Time To Prevent AOL Time Warner Merger

  8. Aol is sucks!!!!!what you can do with their cd rom by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    cost too mutch
    it suck
    no good
    send to many disk.
    Me and my friends took a bisk and lit it on fire and froze it slamed it angaisnt the boor.

    (Incidentally, why has this vanished from Google? It's not even in the groups/dejanews archive anymore).

  9. AOL was an attempt to avoid another dotcom bust by Chuck+Chunder · · Score: 4, Funny

    By concentrating as much sucktitude in one place as possible to stop it spreading throughout the rest of the sector. That's why when Mozilla started showing signs that it might actually deliver something worthwhile it was set free to avoid breaking from AOL's aim of "sucking big time".

    --
    Boffoonery - downloadable Comedy Benefit for Bletchley Park
  10. Ted Turner will fix it by LeedsSideStreets · · Score: 2, Funny

    Obligatory, classic Onion story.

  11. Sup dawg! by jonaskoelker · · Score: 2, Funny

    Sup, dawg! We heard you like buzzwords, so we put a framework in your immersion so you can leverage while you enterprise.

  12. Holy sentence structure, Batman! by Target+Practice · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Time Warner is inching closer to untangling one of the worst mergers in American corporate history that began with the merger of Time Warner with America Online, a deal that has resulted in the evaporation of more than $100 billion of shareholder value."

    This sentence deserves some untangling of its own...

    --
    There's a 68.71% chance you're right.