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Flu Models Predict Pandemic, But Flu Chips Ready

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the false-positives-incoming dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Supercomputer software models predict that swine flu will likely go pandemic sometime next week, but flu chips capable of detecting the virus within four hours are already rolling off the assembly line. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), which has designated swine flu as the '2009 H1N1 flu virus,' is modeling the spread of the virus using modeling software designed by the Department of Defense back when avian flu was a perceived threat. Now those programs are being run on cluster supercomputers and predict that officials are not implementing enough social distancing--such as closing all schools--to prevent a pandemic. Companies that designed flu-detecting chips for avian flu, are quickly retrofitting them to detect swine flu, with the first flu chips being delivered to labs today." Relatedly, at least one bio-surveillance firm is claiming they detected and warned the CDC and the WHO about the swine flu problem in Mexico over two weeks before the alert was issued.

8 of 216 comments (clear)

  1. Hungry for breakfast . . . by Hmmm2000 · · Score: 4, Funny

    All this talk of swines, avians, and now Pan(demic)s make me hungry for bacon & eggs.

    1. Re:Hungry for breakfast . . . by sexconker · · Score: 3, Funny

      Pans.
      You cook bacon and eggs in pans, dipshit.

  2. Re:why just schools? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Children are good carriers. Kill the children, it's the only way for humanity to survive.

  3. Three steps to profit by 140Mandak262Jamuna · · Score: 3, Funny
    1. Write a cron job to warn CDC of impending disaster periodically.

    2. Wait for a disaster

    3. Shout from the roof top, "I warned! I warned!!".

    4. ...

    5. Profit!

    --
    sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
  4. Re:why just schools? by Hadlock · · Score: 3, Funny

    I think what you're trying to say here is that unless they declare martial law, closing schools and putting pressure on sporting event center owners is about all they can do to stem this. Unless you're President Madagascar (someone link to the image, thanks in advance)

    --
    moox. for a new generation.
  5. soooo hot by MagicM · · Score: 3, Funny

    2009 H1N1 flu virus

    Colloquially known as the heinie virus of 2009.

  6. Headline... by daemonenwind · · Score: 5, Funny

    Cluster Computer Predicts Cluster Fuck For Clustered People.

    Film at 11.

  7. My Plan by BenSchuarmer · · Score: 5, Funny

    Try to stay at least seven people away from Kevin Bacon