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Texas Makes Zombie Fire Ants
eldavojohn writes "What do you do when a foreign species has been introduced to your land from another continent? Bring over the natural predator from the other continent. Scientists in Texas have introduced four kinds of phorid flies from South America to fight fire ants. These USDA approved flies dive bomb ants and lay an egg inside the ant. The maggot hatches and eats away juicy tender delicious ant brain until the ant is nothing more than a zombie that wanders around for two weeks before the head falls off and the ant dies. A couple of these flies will cause the ants to modify their behavior and this will be a very slow acting solution to curb the $1 billion in damage these ants do to Texas cattle ranches and — oddly enough — electrical equipment like circuit breakers. You may remember zombifying parasites hitting insects like cockroaches."
I for one welcome our new Zombie Fire Ant overlords.
You call this a zombie apocalypse? This ain't nothing compared to the zombie attack of 57.
My first thought was "Why does Texas need a zombie to terminate the employment of ants, and how did they get a job in the first place?"
Then I realized, this is Texas, afterall.
---
DRM is like antifreeze, to the MPAA/RIAA it's sweet, to the consumers it's poison.
This is what those environmentalists should be doing. Using nature against nature in ways that can help man.
---Hank Hill of Arlen, TX
Skinner: Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
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Zombies are never the answer. Oh wait. Zombie ant overlords? That's totally different.
Sorry, but gray text on gray background is making my eyes bleed.
Way to fuck over the native ants, Texas. Not to mention any other unpredictable side-effects, which, when talking about introduced species, are /ALWAYS BAD/.
Too true.
Exhibit A: American colonials
Yep, you may have heard of the cane toads we have here in Australia. They were introduced to kill off cane beetles - well, there's been more than a few side effects of that particular decision.
Of course, you've just introduced a bug that drills itself into animals' brains and eats them, without killing the animal itself till some time later. How could that possibly go wrong?
"These are very slow acting," Plowes said. "It's more like a cumulative impact measured across a time frame of years. It's not an immediate silver bullet impact."
Well of course there's no silver bullet impact for zombie fire ants, but if we need to get rid of some werewolf fire ants, the silver bullets might do the trick!
Coming this summer to a theatre near you:
Texas Zombie Ant Chainsaw Massacre!
How's that for a mashup?
I for one don't welcome your tired unfunny cliche use.
Not animals. Insects. The distinction does matter.
When are the Russians going to get around to linking all these zombies into a botnet? Or would that be a bugnet?
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
I'll go wild on your wife...
Porky Pig tried this once in an old Bug Bunny cartoon.
He had a mouse problem, so he bought a cat.
When Porky Pig went to bed, the cat invited all of his friends over and they got wasted played the piano loudly and sang drinking songs. One of the cats had a lampshade on his head and everything.
When Porky Pig got fed up with this, he bought a dog. How he found a place in the 50's or 60's that sold dogs in the middle of the night is anyone's guess. He let the dog loose in the house and waited.
The cats got the dog drunk and he was singing with them in about 30 seconds.
So obviously these flies are eventually going to get drunk and sing, which is pretty cool, making this plan sweet.
Yeah. Some of them are called Bob.
The good, the evil and the vacuum tubes.
I, for one, fear the eventual introduction of the Taiwanese semiconductor beetle. Not only do its feeding tunnels encourage premature ion migration, it carries the fungus that causes bit rot.
Can I get something like this for my ex-wife?
Apparently the ants are actively attracted to electrical equipment, people seem to think that they sense the magnetic fields(which is pretty cool; but not unheard of, there are a bunch of animals that are known to do so).
:(
Unfortunately, I learned this fascinating fact after my visit to Texas. I was particularly saddened to discover that my girlfriend had been previously aware of it; but had decided to head off my enthusiasm for dubiously sensible electricity experiments by not telling me at the time.
I'm not sure, there might be unforeseen consequences if such a mechanism were provided...
Just like our current human overlords, then.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law
No, it's cool. I saw this movie. We win in the end.
If you can read this, I forgot to post anonymously.
Speaking of congress, do these foreign fly workers have the appropriate visa? With such high unemployment I would hate to see more American ant-killing flies lose their jobs!
hmm, is this is fork of openldap that I don't know about?
Mod me down, my New Earth Global Warmingist friends!
Both of my older sons can recite the list of all the Pokemon... nothing could be more diverse than that.
Listen Jimmy, if a zombie fire ant ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! Zombie fire ants crawl in through your ear and feed on your brains while you're asleep, WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL THEM ZOMBIES?
- None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
You need to take off and nuke the site from orbit - it's the only way to be sure.
And do you know the worst part, Jimmy? They don't kill you right away. No, they paralyze you and then they feast, then they lay eggs inside your head and you're still alive as the little ones crawl out through your nose and mouth, and eventually, your eyes.
Now go to bed, grampa hears something in the walls he's got to deal with.
Hi, I'm a zombifying parasite. You may remember me from such insects as cockroaches and grasshoppers.
Yes, but the probability of her having a real vagina is 99,99%.
It's 6:23 in the AM, and this is what's sitting on my RSS reader:
Some days you just want to crawl back into bed.
You are welcome on my lawn.
Animal, vegetable, or mineral?
Screw taxonomy. If it moves, it's an animal, eat it. If it don't move, it might be vegetable, eat it. If it wasn't a vegetable, you needed your minerals anyway.
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
That's the beautiful part - come winter, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
(Fundamentally altering the environment and driving megafauna to extinction) worked for the aborigines.
Shame on you for not realizing that only White European Americans are allowed to be criticized. Brown People are allowed to do any fscking thing they want, because they are "closer to nature". And oppressed by the White Man, even 20,000 years ago.
"I don't know, therefore Aliens" Wafflebox1
That's not funny, you asshole. Relativists sort of killed my father, and kinda raped my mother. Well.... It's sort of a grey area, what they did...
It's been a long time.
Here's a solution.
I know an old Texan ... ...
who imported a fly
I don't know why
he imported a fly
Perhaps he'll die.