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Microsoft Patents the Crippling of Operating Systems

theodp writes "On Tuesday, Microsoft was granted US Patent No. 7,536,726 (it was filed in 2005) for intentionally crippling the functionality of an operating system by 'making selected portions and functionality of the operating system unavailable to the user or by limiting the user's ability to add software applications or device drivers to the computer' until an 'agreed upon sum of money' is paid to 'unlock or otherwise make available the restricted functionality.' According to Microsoft, this solves a 'problem inherent in open architecture systems,' i.e., 'they are generally licensed with complete use rights and/or functionality that may be beyond the need or desire of the system purchaser.' An additional problem with open architecture systems, Microsoft explains, is that 'virtually anyone can write an application that can be executed on the system.' Nice to see the USPTO rewarding Microsoft's eight problem-solving inventors, including Linux killer (and antelope killer) Joachim Kempin, who's been credited with getting Microsoft hauled into federal court on antitrust charges." Sounds like the mechanism by which Microsoft sells one version of Vista to all users, and lets users upgrade to higher-tier flavors of the OS after cash changes hands.

20 of 394 comments (clear)

  1. Huh? by ColdWetDog · · Score: 5, Funny

    How can they patent this? Microsoft has all sorts of prior art.

    Oh, wait.

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    1. Re:Huh? by al0ha · · Score: 3, Funny

      Cool - does this mean Microsoft will go after malware developers who create a nuclear option or develop trojans which encrypt data and hard drives as a method of extortion? These certainly break Microsoft's newly awarded patent.

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      Did you ever wake up in the morning, with a Zombie Woof behind your eyes? -- FZ
    2. Re:Huh? by Jeremy+Erwin · · Score: 4, Funny

      Phone calls can be traced. When I encrypt other peoples data, I prefer to be compensated with eGold.

    3. Re:Huh? by Jurily · · Score: 4, Funny

      I suppose they're doing us a service with this patent. Now no one else can deliberately cripple their operating system.

      Why bother? Any artificial crippling will be removed by those meddling pirates anyway, from any OS. Remember the WGA check in XP? I've never seen it.

    4. Re:Huh? by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

      but vista had been under development for 8.

      hehe, it's STILL under developed...

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    5. Re:Huh? by jamstar7 · · Score: 4, Funny

      must hurry to the patent office! I have devised a way to get my ass sparkling clean after taking a dump using only items commonly found in the home...without using toilet paper!

      Hampsters and wire brushes don't count.

      --
      Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
    6. Re:Huh? by mikael · · Score: 1, Funny

      And in France, the response would probably require Microsoft employees to randomize their routes to work, travel in unmarked cars and always have an escort.

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      Vintage computer adverts: http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/computers-and-software-ads
    7. Re:Huh? by icannotthinkofaname · · Score: 3, Funny

      But to be fair to MS

      What the- Get out of my Slashdot! ;P

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    8. Re:Huh? by okmijnuhb · · Score: 5, Funny

      Excellent, they finally patented the BSOD.

  2. Now it can claim by Shivinski · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Microsoft, Crippling Operating Systems Since 2005..."

    1. Re:Now it can claim by sgt+scrub · · Score: 2, Funny

      No. He meant crippling the software using the software not crippling the hardware by installing the software. Close though.

      --
      Having to work for a living is the root of all evil.
  3. Why not patenting bugs? by VincenzoRomano · · Score: 3, Funny

    They would rule the world with such a patent granted.

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    For sure they won't ever become so stupid. [VR-1988]
  4. Re:Who cares? by JCSoRocks · · Score: 4, Funny

    Good point. They might as well patent forcing the system to shut down every two hours... oh, wait...

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  5. Hah! Too funny. by Weaselmancer · · Score: 4, Funny

    An additional problem with open architecture systems, Microsoft explains, is that 'virtually anyone can write an application that can be executed on the system.'

    Well sure, let's fix that then. I have an experiment I'd like to try if this is the case.

    Let's order up some Windows 7 and not pay. MS will remove my ability to install new programs on it, right?

    ...by 'making selected portions and functionality of the operating system unavailable to the user or by limiting the user's ability to add software applications or device drivers to the computer' until an 'agreed upon sum of money' is paid to 'unlock or otherwise make available the restricted functionality.'

    Ta da! I'm now immune to viruses and worms. And all it took was not paying MS. So glad that one is finally solved completely. No new software can ever be run on my machine. I'm safe now.

    Thanks guys.

    --
    Weaselmancer
    rediculous.
  6. MS Crippled OS Patent by Ukab+the+Great · · Score: 3, Funny

    Don't they mean trademark? ;)

  7. Invalidated by definition by Shadow+Wrought · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wodner if this could be challenged since patents are used, by definition (emphasis added), "To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries." Essentially by making the OS crippled they are actually regressing the useful art of the OS. It'd by like trying to patent a fridge that made its contents warmer.

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    If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
  8. That's the ticket by sjames · · Score: 2, Funny

    intentionally crippling the functionality of an operating system

    We meant to do that! Yeah, that's it!

  9. Re:Apples and apples by Hatta · · Score: 2, Funny

    Shareware. Nagware.

    I read that as "Shagware."

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  10. Re:Who cares? by Tanktalus · · Score: 2, Funny

    How about a linux distro where you get vanilla distro for free, but the distributor charges extra to unlock chocolate sauce and cherries?

    That's why I run Gentoo. I simply enable the "chocolate" and "cherry" USE flags, disable the "neopolitan" USE flag, and recompile world, and then I have unlimited chocolate and cherry sauce, until I find out that gnome doesn't work so well with "chocolate" enabled, and kde's "cherry" functionality conflicts with the "cherry" functionality in cups. Then I have to tweak the USE flags on a case-by-case basis, recompiling until I get everything with sufficient sauce while still working.

    Of course, being Linux, you need to enable CONFIG_SAUCE in the kernel.

  11. AIDS Information-virus from 1989 is REAL prior art by barwasp · · Score: 3, Funny
    As invented and distributed by Dr Popp. Here is the story AND it crippled the operating system until money was paid!!!

    According to accounts in the British press, in December 1989, Popp sent out his diskettes to attendees of the World Health Organization's international AIDS meeting. Labeled "AIDS Information -- Introductory Diskettes," the disks contained a Trojan devised by Popp.

    After a certain number of reboots, a bug encrypted the hard disk's directory, hiding all files and flashing a message instructing users to send a couple hundred bucks to a postal box in Panama. (The Guardian reports that Popp had suffered a mental collapse after being turned down for a WHO job.)

    There's some question as to whether this constituted blackmail. Soon after his arrest and extradition to England, where one medical organization reported having lost a decade's worth of research, Popp took to wearing a cardboard box on his head. Soon, he was pronounced unfit to stand trial.

    Stranger still, Popp had packed a leaflet with the diskettes the offered the bluntest terms-of-use statement in computer history:

    "These program mechanisms will adversely affect other program applications on microcomputers. You are hereby advised of the most serious consequences of your failure to abide by the terms of this license agreement: your conscience may haunt you for the rest of your life; you will owe compensation and possible damages to PC Cyborg Corporation; and your microcomputer will stop functioning normally.''

    Forget all that evolution business! Popp should have been working for Microsoft!

    ref