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IBM Wants Patent For Regex SSN Validation
theodp writes "What do you get when you combine IBM contributors with the Dojo Foundation? A patent for Real-Time Validation of Text Input Fields Using Regular Expression Evaluation During Text Entry, assuming the newly-disclosed Big Blue patent application passes muster with the USPTO. IBM explains that the invention of four IBMers addresses a 'persistent problem that plagues Web form fields' — e.g., 'a social security number can be entered with or without dashes.' A non-legalese description of IBM's patent-pending invention can be found in The Official Dojo Documentation. While IBM has formed a Strategic Partnership With the Dojo Foundation which may protect one from a patent infringement lawsuit over validating phone numbers, concerns have been voiced over an exception clause in IBM's open source pledge."
Program Manager: What the hell is happening?! Why is the website down?! ... what are you trying to tell me? This is an emergency, accounting said our money is leaving! ... we could remove it and then it could read back the file after waiting for a few seconds. We would have to hope that more users don't come while we are performing emergency dash extraction.
Web Programmer: It's the users, sir, one of them put dashes in their SSN on the form!
Program Manager: I don't have time for this mumbo jumbo geek jargon
Web Programmer: Well, you see the dashes are inside the string.
Program Manager: Inside? How is this possible?
Web Programmer: Well, the user must have paused to push the dash key, sir.
Program Manager: So if the dashes are inside the string, we have to get them out. Is there someone we can pay for this service?
Web Programmer: I'm afraid it's too complicated for that. But maybe if we had it write to a file and one of us kept refreshing a text editor on that file
Program Manager: Goddamnit! Why didn't testing find this?!
Web Programmer: Well, they did but to fix this bug we just removed the dash keys on their keyboards.
Program Manager: Can we do that to each of the users?
*IBM employee enters with massive box labeled "Enterprise SSN Dash Extractor"*
IBM Sales Rep: Gentlemen, let IBM solve all your SSN problems for a mere $2,000 per site license!
My work here is dung.
Patent Application 973255489
"Method of enhancing sarcasm through the intentional introduction of typographical errors within multiple exclamation marks."
Within a set of not fewer than four (4) and not more than eight (8) Exclamation Marks ("!"), an Erroneous Character from the set of characters [1, 2, @, #, ~, `] is inserted after the third or fourth Exclamation Mark. The Erroneous Character is perceived by the reader as a typographical error consistent with hurried, careless typing, reinforcing any sarcasm contained in the textual comment preceding the Exclamation Marks.
So if your VCs wanted you to torture puppies to death before they'd give you money, would the "chorus of boos" have any effect on your actions?
I assure you that my company, Puppy Waterboards, LLC, does care about your concerns about our patent, "Method and apparatus for puppy euthanasia utilizing superheated corkscrews", and will direct them to the appropriate staff.
There are many ways to get money. Some of them are right, and some of them are wrong. People with consciences know there's a difference.
On a more serious note, you don't even know what my patent is about, and yet you're positive it's "wrong". People with consciences try to find out the facts before they criticize.
Give a boy a gun and you arm him for a day. Teach him how to make a gun, and the whole metaphor breaks down.
Aaah. I see my error now. I was responding to your inane publicly-visible post instead of your secret invisible post where you said something insightful. The publicly-visible post just said, "Awww, do you want us to cry because you actually have to work hard to get a patent? Let me call the waaahmbulance for you." Next time, I'll be sure to remotely hack your computer and locate and decrypt "SuperSecretInsightfulPost.html" so I can be sure to respond to all of your brilliant points.
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