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Chinese Government To Mandate PC Censorware
An anonymous reader writes "The Chinese government has sponsored the development of a censorware package called 'Green Dam Youth Escort'; basically a PC-resident IP blocker that gets regular updates of banned sites from a central government site. There are now plans afoot to mandate that all new PCs sold in China be shipped with this software. The rationale behind this is to 'stop the poisoning of children's minds.'"
by Drunken Bastard i.e. Brian Shanor
Dr. Jurkov, the world renowned gynecologist sat in his office examining the patient file he agreed to examine because he owed a nonsexual favor (for once) to his brother. This case interested him as they sat discussing it one day, and he decided to take the case just because he thought his brother was full of shit and misinterpreted the results of the tests. That was 6 weeks ago. Today, he believed the outrageous test results which were in front of him as he waited for the patient to show up for her appointment.
A few moments later, he was interrupted from his daydreams of young boy scouts by a knock on the door. His receptionist poked her head in.
" Doctor, your next appointment is in the waiting room."
"Yeah, the nasty bitch with the constipation problem. She's here for her test results. Send her in." As the receptionist went to get the patient, he reached into his pants and pulled a worm out of a festering sore on his penis. "Here comes your mother, you little bastard," he said and ate it with a flourish. He turned around as the nasty woman was shown in. "Good afternoon," he said and held out his hand to shake hers, but thought better of it when he saw her slick pus coated fingers. "Have you been scratching your herpes sores again? I thought we discussed that earlier."
"I'm sorry, doctor, but it felt so good. Uh, do you have my test results?" she asked as she started to lick her fingers. The doctor fought back the urge to help lick her fingers and her crotch, remembering that he actually gave her the disease during a previous appointment.
"Yes... And they are very interesting. Tell me, do you engage in anal intercourse?"
"Yes, especially with this itch."
"Hmmm. I see. Are you, by any chance, bisexual?"
"Yes I like to carpet munch."
"Were you engaging in cunnilingus and ingested menses?"
"Cunni.....what?"
"Carpet munching."
"Yes, and I pulled out a couple of bloody tampons before I started, but I ended up getting a mouthful of tomato paste."
"And you swallowed it?"
"Yes."
"And you took it in the rear and ate bloody fish within 48 hours of each other?"
"Yes. Does this have anything to do with this killer constipation?"
"Oh I think it explains your condition quite nicely. You see, you are pregnant. More precisely, you have a rectal pregnancy. You were impregnated up the anus. I've seen this in porno movies and medical journals before. That is why I had to ask you those questions. This will be the first bowel movement birth I have ever seen. You are going to have a bunghole baby."
"When?"
"Well, you're about 2 months along now. At 8 months, we can give you a laxative to induce labor. The constipation will get worse, but it will feel good to take a birth shit."
"Alright, doctor, I guess I'll see you in 2 weeks."
Six months passed. During this time, the woman came in regularly for examinations. The doctor stopped using his penis and started fisting her on his desk. When he examined her anus, he would trim back her hemorrhoidal tissue and take it home to cook and serve as ravioli. Gradually, his penile worm problem cleared up, but the festering sore remained, so he found a woman who would give him head and suck out all the rancid pus.
When the time to give birth approached, he met the woman as she was wheeled into the hospital. "Ah. So good to see you. How are you feeling?" he asked as he looked over her shit-bloated body.
"It hurts!!! Oh God, IT HUUURRRRTTSSSS!!!!!"
"There. There....There. There.... Nurse! Wheel her into the delivery room."
She was taken to a room, stripped, and bent over a table and strapped into that position. A nurse came and began feeding her bars of Ex Lax and started a Milk of Magnesia I.V. A bit later, the doctor came in to examine her. "Well, let's have a look and see wha....." He was horrified by what he saw. In front of him were two of the foulest bodily openings he had ever seen. One had a crackled pus c
Later that day, a nurse brought the baby to its mother.
"Is this the bastard that nearly killed me?" the woman whispered.
"Do you have a name for him?" the nurse asked.
"Due to the torture he gave me already, I am calling him Anal Vapors."
Hearing a knock, they looked toward the door. "Hello," said the doctor, "how are mother and little shit doing?"
"She named him Anal Vapors."
"Whatever. Did you...." The doctor stopped and watched with amazement as the women was overcome with a puking fit. As she convulsed spasmodically, foamy blood and mucus poured from her mouth and nose. The doctor walked over to the bed. "Are you all right? Hey there!" he said as he slapped her hard a few times. "Nurse, get Anus Boy out of here and then start a Pepto Bismol enema." However, before anything could be done, the mother convulsed a few more times and with a final heave of stomach contents, died. "Oh well," said the doctor. "I'm not giving her mouth-to-mouth, that's for sure. Too much laxative. She lost 85 pounds giving birth."
An hour later, in the office, the doctor and his receptionist were discussing the boy's fate. "The boy doesn't have any other family, doctor. His father was a drag queen and prostitute who died 3 months ago in a fight over a customer."
"What was his father's name?" asked the doctor.
"Stan the Stud."
"I knew him! I mean, we were acquainted. Oh well. What do I care? Send the little shit to an orphanage. Also, have his mother's body autopsied. I want all of her rectal worms. They are very tasty... to the fish, I mean."
After a week in the hospital, young Anal Vapors was sent to a nearby orphanage. He stayed there for 18 months until he was adopted by a young couple. With them, the boy had a normal, happy childhood until the age of 13. That was when his grandmother died and his grandfather came to live with them. At first, everything was fine. He taught the boy how to hunt, fish, make fart noises, and many other useful boyhood practices. Anal Vapor's mom got a job and left him with his grandfather during the day. During one of these days alone with grandpa, Anal Vapors' life was changed forever.
Anal Vapors was happily playing in the living room with his G.I. Joe toys when he heard Grandpa calling from his upstairs bedroom. "Boy!!!...Boy!!!...Come up here."
Anal Vapors dropped his toys and ran up to the old man's room thinking he had dropped his dentures in the toilet while taking a shit again. "What is it, Grandpa?" he asked breathlessly.
"Come here, boy. I've got an itch for you to scratch." Anal Vapors had scratched the old man's back before, so this did not seem unusual. He started to go around behind the man's wheelchair. "No. Not there. Here." He moved his lap quilt aside and Anal Vapors saw his penis standing up and pointing at him. "Just start scratching around the sack there, boy." Afraid not to do as he was told, the boy obeyed, much to the old man's delight. He groaned with pleasure and started kicking his left leg like a dog. "Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Much better. Now, boy, take off them pants and get on my lap. I'm going to show you a new game. It's called Pack the Shithole."
"I don't want to," said a terrified Anal Vapors.
"Shut up and do it, you simpering little shit, and don't make me tell you again." Reluctantly, Anal Vapors climbed onto the old man's lap. Grandpa grabbed him by the shoulders and picked him up. "That's better. Now, to play, we just do this." He then positioned his dick against the boy's anus and set him down, sliding in."
"Ow!!! It hurts! Stop!!!"
"It will the first few times. Now we move you up and down like you're on a horsey."
"No!! Please!! Stop!!"
"Aren't we having fun?" the old man asked. He moved Anal Vapors up and down faster and faster until finally, he pulled out and fired his wad up Anal Vapors' spine. "Not bad, for a virgin." He threw Anal Vapors onto the floor. "Get out of here, you dirty little shit." Anal Vapors went into his room where only the cold walls cou
Nobody from home would recognize Anal Vapors as the young nerd who ran away a few years earlier. His greasy seldom washed hair hung halfway down his back. His entire body bore the scars from cigarette burns, whiplashes, knife cuts, and other acts of abuse and torture. He had long dirty fingernails with which he would fondle customers and pick bugs out of peoples' and animals' anuses for food.
Anal Vapors lived off the land as he traveled. His favorite snack was bloodfilled ticks he pulled off the anuses of cattle, horses, and dogs. His best meal came when he found a pregnant cow. He killed her, split her open, and ate the calf fetus and placenta. He topped it off with a deep drink of amniotic fluid.
It took Anal Vapors two months to get home. He arrived at the outskirts of town late in the evening, so he decided to wait until the next day when the old man would be alone. He found a cow barn where he could spend the night. When he went inside, to his delight, he found a large pile of maggot infested afterbirth. After eating his fill, he entered a cow's stall and proceeded to eat her out. While he was doing this, the cow's period exploded into his face in a massive vaginal bloodfart. He wiped the dripping cow menses from his face with his hand and ate it. He then thoroughly licked all the blood from the cow and the stall. Then, completely satisfied, he found an empty stall and slept.
Early the next morning, Anal Vapors watched his parents leave for work. He saw them walk by a yellow ribbon tied around a tree and a sign which read, "We love you, son."
"How sweet," he said to himself. He thought about pulling the sign down and shitting on it but figured to use his shit buildup for better things.
A few minutes later, Anal Vapors was at the front door. He found the house key under the door mat and was quickly inside. "Honey! I'm home," he yelled. No answer. "Hey, you old shitstain, where are you?"
"Who's there? ... Who's there?" came from upstairs.
"You wanna learn a new game?" Anal Vapors asked as he began to climb the stairs.
"Who's there?... I... I have a gun."
"Sure you do ... And I'm going to cut it off and feed it to you." Anal Vapors reached the bedroom doorway and entered. The old man had not changed much. He looked a bit older, of course, but he still sat in that wheelchair with the same lap quilt which had become so familiar to one young boy.
"Who are you? Why are you in my house?" pleaded the old man.
Anal Vapors started toward the old man. "Don't you know me? You made me and its not your house.... Now scream."
"What?" the old man looked confused.
"SCREAM YOU CHUNK OF HORSESHIT!!!" Anal Vapors yelled in the old man's face. He reached over and slapped the old man twice.
"Help!!!! Heeeellllp!!!!!" the old man wailed.
"That's better," said Anal Vapors with a grin. "Now, shut up." He slapped the old man a few more times until the old man was quietly whimpering. "Now, we're going to play a game. It's called Tie the Old Man Up and Kill Him. You like that game?"
"Please," the old man begged. "Don't..."
"I said SHUT YOUR ANUSMOUTH, DUMB ASS!" Anal Vapors slapped him around for a few minutes and then stopped. "I think we'll start with some Pack the Shithole. I'll even use your favorite toy." Anal Vapors left the room momentarily. When he returned, he had the broomstick which his anus had come to know so well. He was going to enjoy this. "Let's play!" he said as he kicked over the wheelchair and shoved the old man onto his stomach. The old man protested loudly, but Anal Vapors didn't mind. In fact, the wails encouraged him. He pulled the old man's pants off and shoved the broomstick deeply into his rectum. Blood began to flow immediately around the broomstick. "You're a little tight, old shit, but I think I'll fix that." He started a rhythmic plunging of the broomstick and moved it faster and faster. After a few minutes, the broomstick broke off with a wet snap in the old man's rectum. "
What!? I thought everything was black and white, we were good and they were evil, capitalism prevails and communism fails. Oh no wait I wasn't born in the states.