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Apple Working On Tech To Detect Purchasers' "Abuse"
Toe, The writes "Apple has submitted a patent application for technologies which would detect device-abuse by consumers. The intent presumably being to aid in determining the validity of warranty claims. 'Consumer abuse events' would be recorded by liquid and thermal sensors detecting extreme environmental exposures, a shock sensor detecting drops or other impacts, and a continuity sensor to detect jailbreaking or other tampering. The article also notes that liquid submersion detectors are already deployed in MacBook Pros, iPhones and iPods. It does seem reasonable that a corporation would wish to protect itself from fraudulent warranty claims; however the idea of sensors inside your portable devices detecting what you do with them might raise eyebrows even beyond the tinfoil-hat community."
TFA didn't mention the worst part. My friend is an Apple employee assigned to this technology and he told me that, among the sensors mentioned in TFA, there will be an additional "secret" sensor which will void the warranty and brick the device if it detects heterosexual sex.
The design of the secret sensor is widely viewed by insiders as a response to those who voted for prop 8.
Our sensor indicates you took your mac book to a mom and pop coffee shop instead of a Starbucks.
your warranty is voided.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
Customer> I'd like to return my powerbook. It keeps overheating, I think the fan stopped working and burned itself out
Apple> Let's take a look.... I'm sorry, your warranty has been voided
Customer> Why?
Apple> Our sensors show you've subjected your powerbook to extreme temperatures outside of those covered by our warranty.
I am the richest astronaut ever to win the superbowl.
I'm getting tired of this. As an aged millionaire I have few pleasures in life other than making toboggans out of top of the line macbook pros. I don't need apple telling me what I can and can't do with my property. I'd sue them, but I'm also eccentric and don't have a phone to call a lawyer.
Just stay out of my damn business Apple!
What's more, when people bitch on Slashdot about it, a bunch of pathetic Apple fanbois will come in droves to defend the whole scheme.
See, it's happening already!
Shut up and start Thinking Differently, asshole!
"Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?"
Don't worry, the terms of use will be altered by Apple's megalomaniacal support team
Pray we do not alter them further.
Well in Apple's defense, being in the vicinity of coffee flavored coffee shorts out the motherboard.
Your "noodle" shouldn't be this close to the computer anyway!
Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.
Shame that people are too PC and too Mac fanboyish to mod it the "+5, Funny" like it deserves
Make up your mind; are we too Mac or are we too PC??
That's one of those "What if's" I don't even think is theoretically possible, for Apple to be Apple, they have to be a niche product that appeals to elitists and runs on closed hardware. For Microsoft to be Microsoft, they have to run on every commodity machine that meets a minimum spec.
Ok, now, I'm going to be getting grief from the latte-sipping, black-turtleneck wearing denizens of the "Apple Won!" alternate universe...
"MIT betrayed all of its basic principles."