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The Press Releases of the Damned

Posted by timothy on from the synthesize-best-practices dept.

Harry writes "Once upon a time, Microsoft said that Windows Vista would transform life as we knew it. Palm said its Foleo was a breakthrough. Circuit City said firing its most experienced salespeople would save the company. And Apple said that Web apps were all that iPhone owners needed. I've collected the original press releases for these and other ill-fated tech announcements, and annotated them with the facts as they played out in the real world."

13 of 176 comments (clear)

  1. Obligitory by vil3nr0b · · Score: 2, Funny

    Duke Nukem Forever to be released Q4 2009.

  2. They were right.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Microsoft said that Windows Vista would transform life as we knew it.

    to a living hell!

    1. Re:They were right.... by tomhudson · · Score: 2, Funny

      That's because you don't have enough ram ... what Bill Gates REALLY said was "640 gigabytes should be enough for anyone!"

      Remember Weird Al's song about Windows 95 - "

      There's so much stuff to buy
      I need a new harddrive
      It's gonna suck me dry.
      My CPU says,
      'don't have the speed',
      it takes an hour just to bring up the screen

      Life imitates art. Microsoft is taking its' HID cues from Weird Al (which explains a lot :-)

  3. I wonder. by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 2, Funny

    Are the flacks who write these sorts of releases embittered mercenaries who know they are puking shit into the public consciousness but just don't give a fuck, or are they bright eyed eternal optimists who actually think in PR language and sincerely believe each release as they write it(before, of course, believing something entirely different to write the next one)?

  4. Generated with Print Screen for your pleasure! by jimicus · · Score: 5, Funny

    You'd think when people used screenshots of something they threw together in a word processor they'd at least turn off auto-spell check underlining so it doesn't stick out like a sore thumb.

  5. Damn!! by Big+Hairy+Ian · · Score: 2, Funny

    That's why I'm running low on coasters AOL stopped sending them out in 2006 :)

    --

    Build a Man a Fire, and He'll Be Warm for a Day. Set a Man on Fire, and He'll Be Warm for the Rest of His Life.

  6. Re:Where are the slashdot articles? by Farmer+Tim · · Score: 4, Funny

    Who could forget Cmdr Taco's little gem?

    --
    Blank until /. makes another boneheaded UI decision.
  7. Re:Not worth reading by Verdatum · · Score: 4, Funny

    What the heck is AOL?

  8. Re:Where are the slashdot articles? by Kozar_The_Malignant · · Score: 3, Funny

    ....or have slashdot never been wrong?

    We have never been wrong. It's just that some of our post refer to conditions in alternate universes. It's a geek thing.

    --
    Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
  9. Re:It goes without saying... by datapharmer · · Score: 5, Funny

    Cocaine is not a cleaning product...

    Sure it is... it works great at getting that pesky cartilage stuff out of your nose.

    --
    Get a web developer
  10. Re:Not worth reading by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    If I remember right, the AC has an (internal) UID of 666

    Don't you mean infernal?

  11. Re:Not worth reading by Stupendoussteve · · Score: 3, Funny

    That's AOL keyword: slashdot to you.

  12. Press Releases of The Damned by GrahamCox · · Score: 2, Funny

    Today The Damned announced that their forthcoming single "New Rose" will be available in the shops on Tuesday, to be followed by "Eloise" next month. Spokesman Captain Sensible, when asked to clarify, was quoted as saying "Wot?".