Poor Design Choices In the Star Wars Universe

Ant writes "John Scalzi's AMC blog shows a short guide to the most epic FAILs in Star Wars design — 'I'll come right out and say it: Star Wars has a badly-designed universe; so poorly-designed, in fact, that one can say that a significant goal of all those Star Wars novels is to rationalize and mitigate the bad design choices of the movies. Need examples? Here's ten ...'"

Comments

At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[eldavojohn]

R2-D2
Sure, he's cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion -- and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: "Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we'll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That's just madness."

I believe his primary function is a flight droid so they were built to interface with ships. Not a lot else. John Scalzi seems to suffer from the "must have everything" school of thought and doesn't think the future will focus on minimalism and getting one thing right. Thank god he's not writing software and just another hot air blogger. I reject Episodes I, II & III so I don't know what he's talking about with the oil slick and jets.

C-3PO
Can't fully extend his arms; has a bunch of exposed wiring in his abs; walks and runs as if he has the droid equivalent of arthritis. And you say, well, he was put together by an eight-year-old. Yes, but a trip to the nearest Radio Shack would fix that. Also, I'm still waiting to hear the rationale for making a protocol droid a shrieking coward, aside from George Lucas rummaging through a box of offensive stereotypes (which he'd later return to while building Jar-Jar Binks) and picking out the "mincing gay man" module.

Again, you're overlooking his primary function. C-3PO is a protocol droid designed to serve humans, and boasts that he is fluent "in over six million forms of communication." So he's got arthritis, well, you didn't build him to be flexible or fight. You built him to look pretty and translate. Everything else is bells and whistles. I think he was meant to stand in a corner for some rich merchant or politician and translate any language imaginable. Are you going to tell me that my car is flawed because I couldn't afford a $20 toaster to put in the dash?

Death Star
An unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor? Really? And when you rebuild it, your solution to this problem is four paths into the central core so large that you can literally fly a spaceship through them? Brilliant. Note to the Emperor: Someone on your Death Star design staff is in the pay of Rebel forces. Oh, right, you can't get the memo because someone threw you down a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room.

Uh, the second Death Star was never completed, you idiot. The rebels learned about it and attacked it before it had everything completed so anything like "four paths to the central core" or "exposed shafts" could well have been necessary during its construction. Haven't you seen Clerks or watched Robot Chicken's parody of Palpatine trying to talk to the foreman?

But Luke's X-34 speeder on Tatooine? The Yugo of speeders, man. One hard stop, and out you go.

He's a farmer. You should have seen the "vehicles" and ATVs I drove while working on farms. One was a modified bus with huge water tanks on the back and an upside down bucket for a seat. They make a Yugo look like a dream car. Are you going to complain about the blast marks and carbon scoring adorning the rag tag rebel ships next?

So easy to rip apart. And you know, he doesn't offer anything constructive. Like the asteroid worm. He would have enjoyed it more if space in the Star Wars galaxy was like our space? Dead, uninhabited and void? George Lucas isn't a god but he sure thought up some neat ideas for a universe that John Scalzi will never come close to.

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[vertinox]

I see you didn't defend the Storm Trooper armor...

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[Shakrai]

Dude, you've got too much time on your hands ;)

I rather liked the attitude that JMS had about this kind of stuff. One time a fan asked him "How fast do starfuries go?" and his response was "They move at the speed of plot"

If the plot makes sense and the universe remains consistent about it's own rules then who cares how functional RD2D would be in our universe or how badly designed the weapons of Star Trek are?

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[Shakrai]

I see you didn't defend the Storm Trooper armor...

The armor is easier to defend than their marksmanship ;)

Here we have the pride of the Empire. A professional solider who was cloned from stock hand selected to be the most effective killing machine possible. He spends every waking minute either training for battle or fighting in one. There's Han Solo, less than ten meters away. Avowed enemy of the empire. Working with the terrorist Luke Skywalker to try and overthrow the Emperor. He's ours now! The Stormtrooper raises his blaster to his shoulder, aims, fires....... and misses!

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[CannonballHead]

Are you bettering society? I think so. Kids learn a lot from TV. Why should they not be instructed that you don't need wings in space? You can't hear sound in space? Light goes much faster? Etc.

On slashdot, of all places, I would have thought debunking scientific fiction that is not at all "scientific" or even "logical"/"good thinking" would be encouraged :)

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[eln]

C-3PO is a protocol droid designed to serve humans, and boasts that he is fluent "in over six million forms of communication."

3PO is there for comic relief primarily, so his cowardice doesn't bother me. What really bothered me about him is the origin story in Episode 1. I mean seriously, are you trying to tell me that an 8 year old, bored out of his mind on a desert planet, with access to enough parts and knowledge to build a basically sentient robot is going to build a PROTOCOL DROID? I mean, he could have built a mindless killing machine, or a machine capable of fixing his speeder for him, or stealing shit from the marketplace, or raiding moisture farms for water, or SOMETHING. But no, he builds a droid designed to communicate politely in 6 million languages and that's about it. What the hell does a kid whose primary interest is podracing need with a protocol droid that can speak 6,000,000 languages, 5,999,999 of which he can't understand, and 5,999,983 of which he's unlikely to ever need to know? This kid had to be the biggest dork in 3 galaxies.

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[Jarjarthejedi]

That complaint always bugged me. I know of 4 occasions in Episode IV (I won't get into the other episodes) where the stormtroopers fire at the heroes.

1. 3P0/R2 wander across the field of fire - Troopers shoot past them to get the actual targets (exactly as you would expect from trained marksmen)
2. Falcon takes off - Troopers shoot at AND HIT a vehicle moving at high speed away from them
3. Trash Compactor - Troopers aren't able to hit a group of people taking cover a good distance off down a dark cooridor. Concealment and Camouflage but they're able to get pretty close in the few seconds they have before they escape.
4. Deathstar Escape Scene - Troopers miss every shot at the group of rebels who are going to lead them to the rebellion base...hmm, could it be they were ordered to miss?

Every other time we see the stormtroopers fire they hit their targets perfectly.

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[hey!]

Well, the storm troopers' battle ineffectiveness is actually one of the few things that ring true about the Star Wars universe.

Once you've got control of the galaxy, you don't want an effective fighting force. Who are you going to use them against? What you want is an effective *intimidation* force that is unable to fight effectively against your smaller but more capable praetorian guard. You keep your praetorian guard divided and intimidated by the higher ups too. Everybody in the galaxy is afraid of the guys just above him, except of course *you*.

Look at military dictatorships. Once they settle in, they're guaranteed to have a totally pathetic fighting capability, despite despoiling the land to support their military. Hitler inherited a capable military culture, so why did he build the smaller parallel Waffen-SS? Because if he had won WW2, he'd have let the regular military stagnate, keeping them under the thumb of a smaller force that he'd keep under his personal thumb. The result would look a lot like the Star Wars Imperial forces. At every level people would be intimidated by those just above them. At the bottom would be the people of course, but the "fighting" forces just above them wouldn't be much more capable than them.

The Death Star confirms this political strategy. Aside from its well known engineering fault, it would be extremely inefficient from a strategic standpoint when compared to a fleet of Star Destroyers of a equivalent displacement. It isn't a weapon designed to achieve strategic superiority, it's designed to keep a relatively small number of individuals in line. In fact, that's exactly how it was used in its one successful engagement. Won't tell us the location of the secret base, princess? Take THAT.

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[Beardo the Bearded]

R2-D2
  Sure, he's cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion -- and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: "Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we'll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That's just madness."

I believe his primary function is a flight droid so they were built to interface with ships. Not a lot else. John Scalzi seems to suffer from the "must have everything" school of thought and doesn't think the future will focus on minimalism and getting one thing right. Thank god he's not writing software and just another hot air blogger. I reject Episodes I, II & III so I don't know what he's talking about with the oil slick and jets.

R2 is a Sith Lord.

Think about it for a minute.
1. We know that damaged Sith get a mechanical exoskeleton.
2. People can understand R2. Canon states that requires The Force.
3. He's got lightning attacks.
4. He was present at the very beginning of the series. Used Force Persuade to prevent the shots from being fired. "Hold your fire; there are no life signs aboard."
5. His jets can't provide enough thrust to lift him. He can fly. We've seen him do it without using his thrusters.
6. Palpatine hid himself from the Jedi; it's a known trick.
7. In IV, he was able to stand outside the bar without getting picked up by the Stormtroopers who were looking for him. "I am not the droid you're looking for."

Watch the scene with the cave on Dagobah again when Yoda and R2 are judging Luke's performance.

Sith.

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[FiloEleven]

The problem lies not with the stories, but with the label. "Science Fiction" is little more than a new label on "fantasy" that is more acceptable to modern readers. As Gene Wolfe says, "All fiction is fantasy, some is just more honest about it." Most SF except for "hard SF" really does use the fantastic elements as a backdrop for character dilemmas and plot development, exploring the themes of humanity. They are often thought experiments that would be very dry if written in an academic manner but become engaging through the use of a story framework. Even "Hard SF," while generally more focused on the scientific aspects, often contains elements that are nowhere near practically possible in the present, and one could argue that many staple elements of fantasy are equally plausible in the future ("Any sufficient technology is indistinguishable from magic," says Arthur C. Clarke).

It is undeniable that SF and fantasy have different flavors, but the dividing line between them isn't so much a line as it is a shifting, subjective porous border. They both fit under the label "speculative fiction" which isn't catchy enough to gain traction, and "science fiction" is so entrenched that the genre will probably never get a better label. We just have to keep in mind that "science fiction" is a descriptive rather than a prescriptive term, and that it should be more accurately called "science-y fiction."

Re:At the Risk of Sounding Like an Apologist

[aywwts4]

Yes, but he forgot the Hyphen.

It is not Science & Fiction or Science/Fiction (take your pick)

It is Science-Fiction, The Science is Fictional!

You use the premise of fictional science (I can time travel to kill Hitler) and tell an interesting fiction story. The "Science" requirement needs to be something vaguely more sophisticated sounding than "Magic" (in the 50s-70s add an Atomic something, 70-80s add a bunch of wires and exposed grates, LEDs, and grey panels, 90s - present Genetic Engineering/Mutation or Wormholes. The "Science" is merely a conduit to a fictional story.

Re-cutting

[El_Muerte_TDS]

I think giving George Lucas access to the raw footage was a poor design choice.

Re:Re-cutting

[MrNemesis]

I happen think giving George Lucas access to the star wars prequels was a poor design choice :)

Death Star

[pwizard2]

Death Star
An unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor? Really? And when you rebuild it, your solution to this problem is four paths into the central core so large that you can literally fly a spaceship through them? Brilliant. Note to the Emperor: Someone on your Death Star design staff is in the pay of Rebel forces. Oh, right, you can't get the memo because someone threw you down a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room.

I agree with the critique on the Death Stars. Centralized power was the fatal flaw in both, so it would have made a lot more sense to use distributed power systems throughout the Death Star II. (lots of little reactors instead of one big one) That way, the rebels would have had to destroy the DSII apart piece by piece. Given how much time that would take, the Imperials probably would have won.

I won't even go into the Endor holocaust in detail. (guess what happens when you detonate a small artificial moon near a planetary atmosphere? You get lots of fallout, resulting in nuclear winter and lots of dead ewoks)

Re:Death Star

[gwern]

> Plus, how do you get around the fact that Luke killed way more people by destroying the Death Star I than Vader ever did?

Let's keep in mind that we see very little of Darth Vader; we don't hear about his genocide of the Falleen, for example (I'll assume that you will refuse to accept that Darth Vader is responsible for blowing up Alderaan, even though he was Supreme Military Executor, in charge of all military operations). The EU covers his exploits in much more detail, and gives him a more appropriate bodycount.

Also, the people on the Death Star were military. In war, military personnel are fair game. Luke didn't go after civilians; Darth Vader and the Empire did.

Too easy

[Minwee]

Inconsistencies and illogical details in the Star Wars Universe?

Fish. Barrel. Large bore shotgun.

Star Wars, like much of the Space Opera and Science Fantasy genre, follows only one well tested design strategy: The Rule of Cool. If something looks cool, and it doesn't get in the way of the story, it's in. Once you can accept that you're good.

Re:Too easy

[Speare]

A lot of people bitch and complain at the cheesy dialogue, the goofball proper nouns like the Mon Calimari, the broad-strokes caracatures like Jar Jar, and the massive holes in logic. They rally with things like "geez, just hire a dialogue writer and it'd be so much better." Even Carrie Fisher had a hard time coming to grips with how bad the dialogue was.

However, these things are bad by design. Lucas wants it that way. Just as today's kids were not in the theaters for 1977 Star Wars, Carrie Fisher and crew were not in the theaters for the real inspiration: saturday matinee serial adventure movies of the 50s. Indiana Jones is cut out of the same cloth. Pump flashy moves and totally cornball bad-writing into the minds of bored kids, and rake in the ticket sales. These are third-rate comic books in celluloid form, with little more than a title and a short beer conversation for pre-production.

To pay homage and recapture the "magic" of those 1950s serials, Lucas has completely chosen to include a patchwork of nonsensical and patronizing elements. Bad accents equals bad people? Check. Steel-hearted women melt when the hero-boy forces a kiss on them? Check. Layer on a milquetoast political plotline that some people will take to be allegory for current affairs? Check.

Either that, or Lucas is a dipshit. Rolling in money, but somehow a moron nonetheless.

Re:Let's not forget......

[91degrees]

There is no sound in space.

There's no incidental music in the real world. I like to consider space sound effects to be the same sort of thing.

Re:Seat belts

[sznupi]

Airplanes had seatbelts for a long, long time. Even common folks from back then would be used to the idea, implemented in passenger planes.