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Terrorists Ban Musical Ringtones

Posted by samzenpus on from the dunes-are-alive-with-the-sound-of-music dept.

If you're a al Shabaab insurgent in Somalia with a Mylie Cyrus ringtone you probably have a lot of problems. The newest one is that your organization has formally banned musical ringtones. The official ring is "...to be only a Muslim cleric reading the Hadith or Koranic verse." Terrorist and Bollywood movie song aficionado Sacdiyo Sheeq says. "I used to listen to my favorite Indian songs on my cell phone, but now I have just thrown that memory away."

18 of 24 comments (clear)

  1. Cool! by Locke2005 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    So, we've got a new way to identify terrorists... just dial their cell numbers, and listen to the ring tone!

    --
    I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
    1. Re:Cool! by eXlin · · Score: 1

      Yea i thought same thing :)

    2. Re:Cool! by jolyonr · · Score: 1

      No.

      Just dial their cell number and see if they explode.

      --


      Please read my Canon EOS tech blog at http://www.everyothershot.com
  2. Poor Chantal Kreviazuk. by BForrester · · Score: 1

    That's a lot less royalty for ringtone sales of the ever-popular-with terrorists "Leavin' on a Jet Plane."

    1. Re:Poor Chantal Kreviazuk. by fredrik70 · · Score: 1

      ...not to be forgotten is Roxette's "Crash, Boom, Bang" or Prodigy's "Firestarter"

      --
      if (!signature) { throw std::runtime_error("No sig!"); }
    2. Re:Poor Chantal Kreviazuk. by Tablizer · · Score: 1

      "Instant Karma" may be more appropriate. May all 72 virgins will look like their mother-in-law.

      --
      Table-ized A.I.
  3. Oh the irony ... by oldspewey · · Score: 1
    From TFA:

    The heavily armed group controls much of the south and parts of the capital Mogadishu, and courts run by its clerics have ordered executions, floggings and amputations in recent months.
    It has also banned movies, dancing at wedding ceremonies and playing or watching soccer in the areas under it control.
    "We do not tolerate anything that may corrupt the people,"

    So now there are thousands of Somali pirates, rolling in money from their ongoing exploits, who have now been told that it is illegal to have fun under threat of flogging, amputation, or death.

    It's karmic in its own way.

    --
    If libertarians are so opposed to effective government, why don't they all move to Somalia?
  4. Do we need to fight the "no fun" regime? by iamhassi · · Score: 1

    "It has also banned movies, dancing at wedding ceremonies and playing or watching soccer in the areas under it control."

    do we really need to fight them then? Sounds like the people will eventually rebel or leave.

    --
    my karma will be here long after I'm gone
    1. Re:Do we need to fight the "no fun" regime? by hatemonger · · Score: 1

      "It has also banned movies, dancing at wedding ceremonies and playing or watching soccer in the areas under it control."

      do we really need to fight them then? Sounds like the people will eventually rebel or leave.

      You forget the power of social pressue on humanity. Forgive the Goodwin, but you'd think that the conditions in WWII ghettos were bad enough where the Jews and undesirables would rebel of their own accord. Not so. It's difficult to build support for cultural change when most of your peers are happy under the current society. It's even more difficult when those peers will kill you for minor infractions.

    2. Re:Do we need to fight the "no fun" regime? by Runaway1956 · · Score: 1

      Inbred tribals like things just the way they are being described. Let's remember exactly what a tribe is: Small groups of people who have married within the group since time immemorial. For a youth to even DREAM of marrying a girl from an unknown, and unrelated family is a sin, as well as an offense against his sister, first cousin, or at best 4th cousin. The only way to get any crossbreeding is when they go out to raid, rape, pillage and plunder.

      --
      "Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
    3. Re:Do we need to fight the "no fun" regime? by QuasiEvil · · Score: 1

      There's at least one counterexample for your line of reasoning: there are still Mormons. Case closed.

      Hold on a sec: There's at least one counterexample for your line of reasoning: people other than Mormons still live in Utah. Case closed. There, FTFY.

  5. Re:Not just the terrorists by calmofthestorm · · Score: 1

    The "of any kind" part is clearly a troll, but I also don't get 20 lashes if I want to have a ringtone.

    America may be run by religious bigots, but it gets a LOT worse.

    --
    93rd rule of Slashdot: No matter how obvious my sarcasm is, my comment will be taken seriously by someone.
  6. Mylie Cyrus by clone53421 · · Score: 1

    Mylie Cyrus

    What. The. Fuck.

    We can't even get her name right?

    It's M-I-L-E-Y. Apparently I'm the only one who knows this.

    Oh, and Emily Osment (Lily) is hotter.

    --
    Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
    1. Re:Mylie Cyrus by Runaway1956 · · Score: 1

      You're probably the only geek on slashdot who watches or listens to the wench. Nobody here gives a damn how she spells her name. Yet another inane talentless little girl being mass marketed to make the bigwigs rich.

      --
      "Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
  7. Re:rebel of their own accord by MRe_nl · · Score: 1

    Rebellions happened, it's just "rather difficult" to beat a regular army with a citizens militia, some people's wet dreams notwithstanding.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warsaw_Ghetto_Uprising to name just one.

    --
    "Kill 'em all and let Root sort 'em out"
  8. FYI ... by da5idnetlimit.com · · Score: 1

    You may even have more time to hear them than you think...

    I'm not sure but I think it is In Saudi Arabia that there was a ruling by a coranic council AGAINST Koran verses used as ringtone.

    You, they are sacred... and picking up the phone would mean interrupting them...so if you use a coranic verse as your ringtone you have to wait until the call is picked up by voicemail...

    --
    It takes 40+ muscles to frown, but only four to extend your arm and bitchslap the motherfucker
  9. Re:Not just the terrorists by Nevynxxx · · Score: 1

    Whooosh!

  10. Edge case.... by Randym · · Score: 1

    What if someone sampled the 2-second bit "Bismallah!"* from Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? I suppose that *technically* it is musical -- Freddie Mercury sing-speaks it in a "G-C-G" progression -- but it is a perfectly good thing for a pious Muslim to say. It is also appropriate because it is often said before beginning a task.

    *usually interpreted as "In the name of God!"

    I suppose that requiring the ring-tone to be a Qu'ranic verse is probably a good idea -- you know that otherwise everyone would just use "Allahu Akbar"!

    --
    DNA is a Turing machine. You, however, being dynamic and emergent, are not.