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NASA Attempts To Assuage 2012 Fears
eldavojohn writes "The apocalyptic film 2012 has dominated the box office, taking in $65 million on opening weekend. But with all those uninformed eyeballs watching the film, NASA has found itself answering so many common questions that their Ask an Astrobiologist blog offers calming, professional reassurance that there is no planet Nibiru, nor will it collide with Earth (although I do recall a massive solar storm forecast). NASA's main site even offers a FAQ answering similar questions. NPR has more on NASA scientist David Morrison and his efforts to calm the ensuing public hysteria, but survivalists are already planning for the big one. Pretty funny, right? Not according to Morrison: 'I've had three from young people saying they were contemplating committing suicide. I've had two from women contemplating killing their children and themselves. I had one last week from a person who said, "I'm so scared, my only friend is my little dog. When should I put it to sleep so it won't suffer?" And I don't know how to answer those questions.'"
NASA reports that giant alien spaceships have not in fact destroyed the White House and Empire State Building.
Reports of time-traveling robots looking for John Connor are unsubstantiated at this time.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
Those poor people on Gilligan's Island...
Does the Cylon attack come before or after 2012?
Oh, the irony.
There's always an Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or a Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that is about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they Do... Not... Know about it!
WE WON'T MAKE IT TO 2012!
Ps; Since you won't need your money any more please send it to me. Hurry; there are only 6 weeks left!
Yeah, so if you run into one of these idiots, and she happens to be cute, just tell her that you are a Mao Shan master and you know the perfect ceremony to stop Nibiru from hitting the Earth, if you could just get a little help from her...
- None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
Perhaps they'll issue a mass Darwin Award.
Yes.
Just tell them there is no mention of Nibiru in the Bible
No ascii art.
The economy is in a shambles and you need a job. You respond with "The FSM will return on Dec 24, 2012 and your death will be more horrible than you can imagine. The only way to prevent this fate is to kill yourself, preferably by drowning in a bowl of spagettios."
Then you take his job after he kills himself.
If he doesn't kill himself, drown him in a bowl of spagetti.
Free Martian Whores!
I won't see the movie immediately, but I'll pre-emptively say that the beeps were entirely unnecessary, inappropriate, or plain impossible, and no programmer worth their salt would make an interface that noisy. But I'm sure you were just following orders. You know who else was just following orders?
Seriously, I'm going to see it just for the beeps now, cos I'm intrigued how an informed person would accomplish this task as opposed to the mindless goons who think they know how computers work.
Okay, let's round up all the people that believe 2012 is in any way related to actual scientific fact, and let them go see The Invention of Lying. If they don't get the coincidence, explain to them it already is 2012 according to the Gregorian calendar...
Sanity is like a condom: rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
"not to mention most American's understanding of how to use apostrophe's."
FTFY.
Yes it's only a movie, but judging by the reaction, it's more convincing than "An Inconvenient Truth".
You'll love it. Even the progress bars beep!
Don't blame me, I voted for Baltar.
Idiot, everybody knows it's impossible for a woman to be a raper or a man to be raped.
Well it wroked for Gordan Brown...
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
No NASA should respond with "Yes it's real and we need $1 trillion in funding to determine how to stop it" and then spend that on real research.
That's awesome. And then in 2013 when the public goes "Hey, you took that $1 trillion and built a space station and a moon base and a bunch of rockets and solar power stations and telescopes and rovers and stuff, when you were supposed to be preventing the end of the world!"
And NASA can say "What do you think all that stuff was for? It worked, didn't it?"
LOL. Make it so.
The enemies of Democracy are
With an answer like that, you'd think one works at Infinity Ward!
Will the secret city made in the shape of a 3.5" floppy disc?
> "Ignorant" is not the same as "stupid",
No, I'm pretty sure believing what you see in a movie is stupid.
Honestly, these people see 'Transformers', 'Superman', 'Batman', 'Star Trek', 'Dogma', 'Godzilla', and '2012'. Then they choose to believe the world is ending but they won't be saved by Superman or Batman. They won't be killed first by giant robots or a giant lizard. And angels and demons... well ok they probably do believe in Dogma.
Actually these people probably already have a mental problem and fear the world is ending BEFORE seeing 2012. Seeing the movie just gives them an excuse to bring it out.
Why else would they choose this one as the real one?
Personally, I choose to believe in 'The Last Starfighter'. I am practicing, Centauri, I'm practicing...
- For the complete works of Shakespeare: cat
Are you saying that if we fail to elect Robot-Nixon we'll face nuclear armageddon at the hands of the vengeful decendants of our robotic slaves?
Moderation : -1 Conservative Viewpoint
O RLY?
(not even a little bit work safe)
Touch everywhere, even when inappropriate.
Bubba from Folsom would like to lodge a disagreement with the second half of your statement...now try asking where he's going to lodge it.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.
Well, while everyone waits for the world to end on December 21, it will actually end on December 20, and no one will have expected that. :-)
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
But what about the other 0.009%? They're the ones I'm worried about.
don't feel good just because you're more sane than the bottom 0.001% who are off their meds.
Look, I gotta take it where I can get it, alright?
The enemies of Democracy are
Yeah, but Heaven help NASA if they fail to stop it and the angry public comes looking for their trillion dollars back.
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
Somewhere there is a grown man--a very pathetic man--who is attempting to lift things with the Force.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Blade Runner pretty much invented that cliche. I only wish an imitator would make the chucka-chucka-chucka sound when the character pans the image around.
Sound guy, you on that?
Actually I see it exactly like that. I just wanted to mention the global warming thing to see if anyone else sees the similarities.
Maybe they could combine the two lists, to make the NASA pop culture FAQ:
Will the world end in 2012?
No, the majority of scientists believe climate change will destroy the world. We are waiting for the sequel to "An Inconvenient Truth" to provide an exact date, and it is not scheduled to be released until 2013.
Panic-mongers do cause demonstrable harm and in the case of the LHC black-hole lies are known to have precipiated at least one death (a teenage girl who committed suicide.)
Oh, my god, there are panic-mongers among us? What are we to do? How will we handle them? We're doomed!
OK, if you really believe 2012 is the end, I have a wonderful deal for you:
I will give you 50% of the cash value for all your belongings AND you can keep them through 2012. IF the world doesn't end, I get to have your things in 2013.
Any takers?
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Yeah, that's just what the superstitious need: Zombie Carl to explain the not-coming apocalypse!
I feel fantastic, and I'm still alive.
Keep it - just in case. It could end up being a great meal when the apocalypse hits...
Or just show them this re-edit of the 2012 trailer: link. It's pretty much impossible to take the film seriously after seeing that. (Assuming you were inclined to take the film seriously in the first place).
Aide-toi, le Ciel t'aidera - Jeanne D'Arc.
All of a sudden a femdom site is going to start getting massive amounts of hits from Slashdot and think they have a new target audience.
Uhhh - wait. We are all aware that a canine critter is a carnivore, right? A predator. A killer. Well - actually, most of them are scavengers. But still.
Just to be clear, I like dogs too - but I have no delusions about their innocence. Cats too. The only reason we get along with cats so well, is because we are huge, and they are small. Reverse the size, and those foul beasts would enjoy playing cat and human with us.
Given a choice between a freaking huge cat, or a freaking huge dog, I'll take the dog. Dogs really are kinda innocent - they just snap your head off and swallow. Those cats are evil......
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br