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The Jet Fighter Laser Cannon
fahrbot-bot sends in a Register piece about DARPA issuing the penultimate contract for what is intended to be a jet-mounted laser cannon. The Reg outdoes itself in a BOTEC involving downsizing to shark scale. "The US military will shortly issue a brace of contracts for 'refrigerator sized' laser blaster cannons. One of the deals will see a full-power ground prototype built which will be the final stage prior to America's first raygun-equipped jet fighter. ... If it scales down far enough, this would seem to put handheld HELL-guns within an order of magnitude of the striking power offered by conventional small-arms. A 9mm pistol bullet has about 750 joules muzzle energy: a 5kg portable HELL-ray weapon would put out this much energy in a blast less than a second long. ... A dolphin can carry a human being weighing up to 100kg along for a ride. A thoroughbred shark in good training can surely match this. Thus, we seem to be looking at practicable head-[laser] output in the 20-kilowatt range."
Ok, I see the obligatory "sharks" tag, but what about the "pewpewpew" tag?
Why not compare it to a real handgun caliber? ;)
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
When I read the summary I wondered if they'd be putting one of those on flying robot drones and then I realized that yes, it's 2009 and we live in the fucking future.
In Capitalist America, bank robs you!
Time to get into the mirror business! It's a lot easier to deflect protons than bullets, I'll tell you that.
I take it you're volunteering.
Populus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur...
"Force shits upon Reason's back." - Poor Richard's Almanac
Presumably, the ultimate contract is the one that actually puts the lasers on the sharks. Most Slashdot readers would have understood that from the first sentence alone!
Val Kilmer seen running around MIT hollering with joy.
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Then I take it GNU renders you apoplectic.
Protoplasm. Quiet Protoplasm. I like quiet protoplasm.
All you'd need is a large spinning mirror and you could vaporize a human target from space. Better go make sure someone didn't steal Kents tracking system.
Plus sharks with FRICKIN LAZER BEAMS attached to their heads?
I like the first movie better.
It could be worse. It could stand for the HELL Energetic Liquid Laser.
Also, I'm wondering when the military brainchidren are going to develop the GREATSATAN weapon. Surely this too will help improve our image among people who already think we're controlled by the devil.
"Our two-party system is like a bowl of shit looking at itself in a mirror." - Lewis Black
It begs the question of why people use big sounding words and phrases they obviously don't understand. It literally makes my head explode.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
I would like an elegant weapon from an more civilized age.
sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
Irregardless, I could care less about your head explosions.
Michelangelo: I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it "The Last But One Supper"!
Pope: What?
Michelangelo: Well there must have been one, if there was a last supper there must have been a one before that, so this, is the "Penultimate Supper"! The Bible doesn't say how many people were there now, does it?
Pope: No, but...
Michelangelo: Well there you are, then!
Pope: Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band. Now, a last supper I commissioned from you, and a last supper I want! With twelve disciples and one Christ!
Michelangelo: One?!
The enemies of Democracy are
There has to be some way to put Frickin into an acronym for the shark laser. That way it truly would be sharks with F.R.I.C.K.I.N. lasers on their heads. I guess you could lose the C if needed.