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Spaceworms To Help Study Astronaut Muscle Loss
Hugh Pickens writes "The Telegraph reports that 4,000 microscopic worms were onboard Space Shuttle Atlantis when it launched today. Their mission: to help experts in human physiology understand more about what triggers the body to build and lose muscle. The worms are bound for the Japanese Experiment Module 'Kibo' on the International Space Station, where they will experience the same weightless conditions which can cause dramatic muscle loss, one of the major health concerns for astronauts. 'If we can identify what causes the body to react in certain ways in space we establish new pathways for research back on earth,' says Dr. Nathaniel Szewczyk."
Am I the only one who feels like this is a bad idea? We all remember what happened to the ants...
I for one welcome our new medium sized giant spaceworm overlords!
Rather than having proper Snakes On A Plane, NASA investigated the concept, did a risk assessment, ran some simulations, modeled it, tested it in a swimming pool, and then decided that it was better to have Microscopic Worms On A Space Station.
I was going to make more jokes about Worms Armageddon, but I think I'm done. Hope they left their banana bombs in Florida.
The astronauts should just lift weights.
Hyper-competitive former fighter jocks + confined space + roids. Whatcouldpossiblygowrong
The most possible option for that to go wrong is:
Hyper-competitive fighter jocks on roids whose minds are being controlled by intellectually superior microworms - confined space.
The astronaut goes to see the flight surgeon, who tells him he has worms, but not to worry. There is a 100% effective treatment.
Visit One: The surgeon shoves an apple, a pear, and a banana up the astronaut's ass.
Visit Two:The surgeon shoves an apple, a pear, and a banana up the astronaut's ass.
Visit Three: The surgeon shoves an apple and a pear up the astronaut's ass, then stands there holding the banana like a weapon. The worm sticks its head out of the astronaut's ass and says "Hey! Where's my banana?"
Whap! The surgeon knocks out the worm and pulls it out.
The Spacing Guild will be pleased.
Hyper-competitive former fighter jocks + confined space + roids. Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
Make sure there's only one female in the crew, and the problems will be clear enough.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. - Voltaire
Is everyone really going to let it slide that there's an ISS module called 'Kibo'?
She'll have them acting like ducks?
Like you don't have any unusual fetishes.
What a depressingly stupid machine.