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Russia Confirms Failed Missile Launch Caused Norway's Light Show

Ch_Omega writes "According to this article over at BarentsObserver, the giant spiral seen on the sky over Norway Wednesday morning local time has been confirmed to be the result of a failed Russian missile launch. Russia now confirms that '...the missile was launched from submerged position in the White Sea by the nuclear submarine Dmitri Donskoy. Studies of the telemetric data from the launch show that the two first stages of the missile functioned as they should, and that a technical malfunctioning occurred during the third stage.' There is also an article on this at The Daily Mail."

26 of 236 comments (clear)

  1. Well paint me surprised: by Fluffeh · · Score: 5, Funny

    And all this time I seriously thought that it was some unimaginably interesting plot all about a russian missile program, underwater subs and secrecy beyond everyone's wildest imagination. Wait... what?

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    1. Re:Well paint me surprised: by DJCacophony · · Score: 5, Funny

      Underwater subs?
      My god, it's worse than I thought.

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    2. Re:Well paint me surprised: by digitalunity · · Score: 4, Funny

      More interestingly, why were they shooting this off next to Norway? Maybe they were hoping it was so cold outside all the Norwegians would be inside and wouldn't notice...

      What exactly was Russia shooting at?

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    3. Re:Well paint me surprised: by plague911 · · Score: 1, Funny

      It may be a funny statement but as far as I know being able to launch a missile while the sub is submerged would be a huge leap forward in the nuclear arms race. Currently subs must surface in order to launch their missiles during this period they are highly exposed and subject to attack if they could do this while remaining submerged it would drastically reduce the amount of risk incurred.

    4. Re:Well paint me surprised: by martas · · Score: 4, Funny

      santa. they know if christmas dies, the american economy will succumb to the same fate very quickly.

    5. Re:Well paint me surprised: by zkp · · Score: 3, Funny

      They gave their software engineers vodka while they were working on the code for the missile. Apparently they significantly overshot the Ballmer peak.

    6. Re:Well paint me surprised: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

      No, he's just an American

    7. Re:Well paint me surprised: by Rogerborg · · Score: 4, Funny

      What exactly was Russia shooting at?

      Well, duh. UFOs, obviously. The significant question is: what sort of exotic defence did they use to cause that response? Warp shields? Singularity field?

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    8. Re:Well paint me surprised: by ZeroExistenZ · · Score: 2, Funny

      To show their power, just like they have started flying strategic bombers past the Norwegian coast line towards the UK.

      Exactly. In Belgian news it was described as a missile which could travel 8000km and drop 9 atomic bombs.

      It's "inducing fear", distracting the public from something else (why show off their new "worlddestroying" missiles? And if they've tested 8 times before, like I read somewhere, why was it only now as visible? My family has a strong military history and I've always been told "the [military] official story is always PR, not truth.")

      It's poking the USA with a wink to the cold war; the US is weakened after been cannonfood in the middle east, ginormic debts and an economy belly-up, Saudi arabia cannot loan futher "We has to sell dubay, and don't have monnies nemaor because of electric cars :'(".
      It's the perfect time to fire off awesome fireworks and telling people it might be able to destroy the world in a eyeblink.

      Up next: Asia demonstrates military superiority, the middle east continues to develop atom bombs, Europe develops a European united army, India knees USA in the balls, USA drafts robots for duty, whips AI-scientists to be more productive and drafts 12yo fat kids to operate drones while Japans mechs are revealed, taking over control of the teen demography through hentai.`^_^

      I better start programming at a post-apocalyptic world. 2012 isn't global warming. (had been debumked, needed new fear; kthx Russia, bring more brides.)

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  2. Re:Back in the day... by bertoelcon · · Score: 5, Funny

    Everyone without a tinfoil hat knew it was a failed rocket of some kind.

    Thats because the tinfoil hats block that kind of mind control.

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  3. Re:Back in the day... by PPH · · Score: 4, Funny

    In Soviet Russia, UFO reports you!

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  4. Re:Testing missiles? by hwyhobo · · Score: 5, Funny

    It was supposed to detonate over the polar cap and melt it to shut up the global warming deniers.

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  5. Re:Back in the day... by Opportunist · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hah! That's what THEY want you to think!

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  6. bloody nonsense. by Cr0vv · · Score: 5, Funny

    That was no danged failed launch of a missile. Has anyone seen the images? This reply by the Russians is a coverup. This event was far, far bigger in scope and influence. This event was viewed by people, there was no mention of a rocket or a missile, besides how could a device like a missile scribe a path in the sky like that, and then break off with a blue spiral? Ugh. These people must think we are so stupid. This is a spiritual event, not a rocket event. blackcrow.

  7. Bad fuel mix by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Given the out of control spiral pattern maybe Vodka wasn't the best choice for rocket fuel even if it was greener.

  8. Re:Forth Post! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    : X DUP 1+ . . ;

  9. Underwater aircraft launch of F-15 by viking80 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Thye can even launch aircrafts from underwater aircraft carriers. When youtube asks you to confirm that you have a TOP SECRET security rating, you must answer yes to see video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clIUY0U0xAU

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  10. A missile that hypnotizes you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Maybe they want to create a weapon that hypnotizes you. And once you are hypnotized they recruit you hahaha

  11. Aliens from outer space by mysidia · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Missile launch" is just a coverup.

    Norway's version of "It was just a weather balloon".

  12. ITS OKAY, FOLKS by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Russia's just launching missiles from nuclear subs, that's all.

  13. Re:What happened to Russia? by cpscotti · · Score: 2, Funny

    Anyway, we'll just drink vodka with friends and continue feeding our own conspiracy theories saying that in fact this is just a big decoy for something Yuri made to control everyone's mind into believing that, in fact, the "t.A.T.u." girls ARE lesbians!

  14. Obvious when you think about it. by KickInNutsAnalogyGuy · · Score: 4, Funny

    It's quite obvious when given some thought. Consider the following:

    You are at a party relaxing and enjoying yourself. At some point you lose track of your surroundings and time. When you come to, you remember being junk-kicked in your man business some 180 times. You're pretty sure in was someone you met at the party by the name of Ivan Jnkkckr. After a bit of investigative work you track down Ivan's number from another guest that attended the party. Ivan denies junk-kicking you in your man business.

    After further investigation and conversations with other party attendees, you come into possession of some cellphone video. The videos show quite Ivan's foot spinning in a spiral pattern while junk-kicking you in your man business some 180 times. You confront Ivan Jnkkckr with multiple videos showing from multiple angles the relentless assault on your now decimated nuts. Ivan then promply admits that he spiral junk-kicked your nuts.

    Obviously Ivan knew he had junk-kicked your man business; he just needed the video evidence to compel him to come clean.

  15. Tinfoil is a plot!!!11!eleventeen by Moraelin · · Score: 2, Funny

    Sure, that's what the Government and their Illuminati masters want you to believe. So you're wearing roughly a metallic hemisphere on your head, right? Sure, it reflects mind control rays coming from upwards and back, but what about rays coming from the front, hmm? Right, those get reflected and focused, like by a telescope mirror, inside your brain. And do you think that the proliferation of WiFi hotspots and police radars and whatnot at ground level is just a coincidence? Hmm? Wake up, people! ;)

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  16. Re:Testing missiles? by Muad'Dave · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Most likely into Okhotsk..."

    Isn't that where they make kid's bib overalls?

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  17. Coincidence? by DarthVain · · Score: 2, Funny

    Cold War ends, Global Warming Starts?

    Don't worry, its just the Russians in the fight to stop Global Warm...erm Climate Change.