Hot Grits Assault, Natalie Portman Remains Wary

44-year-old Carolyn Brown took some marriage advice from the trolls and poured hot grits on her boyfriend. The two had spent the day arguing about various things. Should they break up? Which was better, Emacs or Vi? Authorities arrested Mrs. Brown and have alerted a zombie-fighting Natalie Portman of a possible petrification attempt.