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TSA Wants You To Keep Your Seat, and Your Hands In Sight
An anonymous reader excerpts from an AP story as carried by Yahoo News about changes stemming from yesterday's foiled bombing attempt of a Northwest Airlines flight: "Some airlines were telling passengers on Saturday that new government security regulations prohibit them from leaving their seats beginning an hour before landing. The regulations are a response to a suspected terrorism incident on Christmas Day. Air Canada said in a statement that new rules imposed by the Transportation Security Administration limit on-board activities by passengers and crew in US airspace. ... Flight attendants on some domestic flights are informing passengers of similar rules. Passengers on a flight from New York to Tampa Saturday morning were also told they must remain in their seats and couldn't have items in their laps, including laptops and pillows." The TSA's list of prohibited items doesn't seem to have changed in the last day, though.
STOP GIVING THEM IDEAS!!!!!
If you mod me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine....
That simplifies matters. We can have an undercover Dutch person on each flight.
start with the plastic forks
As a member of a flight club, [ ... ]
But isn't the first rule of flight club that you don't...
Oh, wait, never mind.
May contain traces of nut.
Made from the freshest electrons.
Soooo he wanted to rant to a bunch of people that would be unable to carry on the message.
Be careful people, we are dealing with some smart terrorists.
DOCTOROW, Schneier, Sunday — After the Detroit Christmas firecracker incident, the Transport Security Administration now requires all US airline passengers to be strapped into their seats naked with catheters fitted, for their comfort and convenience.
"It's the most efficient way to keep the country moving and let the TERRORISTS know they haven't won," said TSA head Gale Rossides. "We're just trying to work out what to do when the TERRORISTS work out how to set off bombs by clenching their butt cheeks together."
Passengers are advised not to bother with laptops ("You could explode the batteries with your urine!"), iPods or the vile containers of sedition such as "books." "Carriage of any carryon item will result in lengthy security delays for the customer," said a TSA advisory, "but, in response to customer concerns, the TSA officer with the latex glove will give you a box of chocolates and promises to respect you in the morning, and will definitely call you later in the week. Honestly."
US tourism offices have finally given up and shut up shop. "I hear Afghanistan is pretty nice this time of year. Iran's pretty good too."
Officials at Amtrak did not give a comment on the phone, just the sound of dancing around their offices singing "We're In The Money."
The passenger who allegedly set off the firecracker has mounted a stern defense, showing his paycheck from the Department of Homeland Security's Subdepartment of Job Preservation.
http://rocknerd.co.uk
I wonder if more interaction between passengers would actually help matters.
I'm sure keeping people from the toilet won't help anybody though, as people simply cannot always be forced to hold their pee.
If an airline ever holds you in your seat when you need to pee, simply call an attendant to explain that you likely cannot hold it, and offer that they may either (a) bring you a bucket, or (b) frisk you and let you go. I bet the airline must ground the plane for longer if you pee in your seat or on the floor.
If you carry a pee bottle, then explain what your doing to nearby passengers first, as you don't want them attacking you for "mixing stuff".
The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world. -- Bertrand Russell
Ah bacon: the cornerstone of any Islamic fundamentalist terrorist breakfast!