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The Cell Phone Has Changed — New Etiquette Needed
CWmike writes to share a recent manners-rant that has some great gems about how not to be "that guy" on a cell phone. What rules of engagement are absolutely necessary and what social penalties should become standard practice for repeat offenders? "It's easy to be rude with a cell phone. A visitor from another planet might conclude that rudeness is a cell phone's main purpose. Random, annoying ring tones go off unexpectedly. People talk too loudly on cell phones in public because of the challenge of holding a conversation in a noisy environment with someone who's not present. Cell phones need their own rules of etiquette, or we'll descend into social barbarism."
"Do not use your cell phone while driving"
Cell phones cause car accidents all the time. Even if you think you're skillful enough to operate a cell phone and drive, doing so can be a role model for someone else who can't do the feat. My friend was even in a bad car accident last week where he says the other driver was on a cell phone. He had some broken ribs, a collar bone, and was pulled out by jaws of life.
If you get a ring, down answer it. Then find a pull off and call the person back.
God spoke to me.
Agreed. People seem to go far out of their way to become annoyed with people speaking on their cell phone. Sure, there's some rude people out there that are overly loud or obnoxious with their phones, but the majority of people speak normally into their phones and when people don't see the listener of the conversation, it bothers them. Boo hoo.
It's not just cellphones. All technology has an integral etiquette, from cars to scissors. If you think about it, you can find examples for pretty much anything on your desk, and can probably come up with good reasons for why we have the social mores that we do. Everything from not chewing on other people's pencils to not touching someone else's monitor screen.
Cellphones only draw our attention because they're fairly new technology (compared to, say, pencils) and the offenses commitable with a phone can be extremely annoying and in some cases deadly.
This is a much broader topic if you take the time to look into it.
Scientists point out problems, engineers fix them
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People who speak twice as loudly on the phone as they do in person bug the hell out of me. Also, people who pull their phones out during a movie to text, seemingly unaware that their phone is like a laser straight into our eyeballs.
I've noticed that people needlessly talk very loud on celphones. People underestimate how well modern cel phones will isolate your voice from medium-noisy background pratter. People automatically compensate for the person not being in the room without even thinking about it.
If I'm in a public place such as a casual restaurant and I need to take a brief call, I answer in very low tones and the person on the other end can understand me just as well. My tone of voice is indistinguishable from other conversations happening in the area, and in fact is usually quieter.
Try it sometime as an experiment if you are used to speaking up on the phone, you'll find you can be heard just as well. I have a friend who literally doubles her volume on the phone. It's quite amusing and I have to remind her that she's doing it.
Also, if you have any kind of music as your ringtone (except for the harp sound on the iPhone) you should be shot. A phone should sound like a phone, not a disco.
The reason people talk louder on cell phones is probably the same reason they used to talk louder on landlines: Sidetone, or the lack thereof. When you don't hear yourself over the phone, you speak louder to compensate. I've noticed cell phones, especially the really tiny ones, have almost no sidetone.
It's not that they're talking on their cellphones that makes us say it's rude IT'S HOW THEY ARE YELLING ON THEIR CELLPHONES SO LOUD THE REST OF US CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER that makes us say it's rude.
So you've had run-ins with people offended by how you use your cellphone?
The last thing we need is yet another stupid rule to obey that does little but reward over-sensitivity.
The rules are already there. They always have been. They're unspoken, like most rules of polite behavior. People who break them are really never punished, just labeled "rude" and properly ostracized. Perhaps confronted, but you never know where the line between "rude" and "sociopathic" lies in any given person, and it's not always worth risking unprovoked assault.
Nope, I am forced to conclude that inappropriate and rude use of a cellphone is far worse.
Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
"Don't be a loud, obnoxious asshole." Works for phones or any kind of conversation you're having in a public space.
"Don't drive like an asshole." Works for phones, texting, or just generally not paying attention to the multi-ton machine you're controlling while it hurtles down the road.
"Don't pull the asshole move of interrupting someone who is speaking to you by doing something else." Works for people who get a call in the middle of a conversation.
Really, "Don't be an asshole" is about all the etiquette we really need, and it's a lot simpler than trying to remember Emily Post.
Since I can't tell them apart, I treat all ACs as the same person.
My own theory on this particular rule is that it's made by people who are not annoyed by the half-conversation per se, but rather that they're the kind of person who likes to eavesdrop, and eavesdropping on half a conversation just isn't as entertaining.
"Good news, everyone!"
So you've had run-ins with people offended by how you use your cellphone?
No. I have one, but it's for emergency use only. I'm far more concerned with social crusaders who want to reward oversensitivity with new conventions, or worse, laws. If someone's too loud on their phone, I ask them to keep it down. For the most part, I get immediate compliance. No need for new 'social etiquettes' (draconian nanny law).
Nope, I am forced to conclude that inappropriate and rude use of a cellphone is far worse.
You might, until some groupthink decides something YOU do is a 'threat' because they're too scared to ask you to stop/change it. Honestly, I'm not a fan of cellphones. I think they're trojans that get people used to the idea of nickel-and-dimed network services and surveillance, but that doesn't make me want to support a social crusade that rewards the insecure.
It's not that they're talking on their cellphones that makes us say it's rude IT'S HOW THEY ARE YELLING ON THEIR CELLPHONES SO LOUD THE REST OF US CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER that makes us say it's rude.
Try riding in a bus with college students or younger. The ones on their cell phones often are the ones who are being -quieter- than their peers talking to other people right next to them. I can only assume this is because they've become more adapted to talking on a phone than talking face to face.
From my experience, it's often the older crowd that is actually doing much of the cell phone yelling. Judging from my mother, at least some of them are yelling because they don't know how to turn their volume up all the way and/or don't realize that just because they can't hear the other person doesn't mean they themselves can't be heard by the other person. Which is unpleasant for me and anyone who is actually near her.
I held off getting a cell phone until 2005, when I fired the telco, transferred my number to a cell phone, and didn't look back. I have the following personal etiquette rules:
- I never talk on the phone while driving. If my phone rings while I'm driving, I ignore it.
- First come, first served. If I'm in a conversation and my phone rings, I ignore it, end of story. This has gotten me lots of weird looks at work: "Your phone's ringing, aren't you going to answer it?" "No; I was talking with you first."
- If I feel it would not be appropriate to answer my phone, I ignore it.
- If I'm not at home, the phone is set to Vibrate--or if I'm somewhere Vibrate isn't even allowed--Silent. End of story.
- I own my phone; not the other way around.
- These rules even apply if my wife is calling me, and she does the same on her end with her phone.
- If you have a true emergency and Absolutely Must Get a Hold of Me, call me over and over, and it had better fucking be important.
So complain about the issue that actually bothers you. You're annoyed by LOUD PEOPLE, not by people on cell phones.
Hey loud-mouth, damn right.
Stop nattering at 7am on the train when I should be in bed. Put your cellphone on vibrate and don't take calls. No loud music either, closed cup headphones or earphones are fine - but so help you if I can hear that the slightest tinny drivel.
Once you've learnt the art of not yelling at me when I'm forced into proximity with you, keep your arms on your side of the arm rest. Don't lean your elbow out and jab me. Sure as hell don't lean over and actually touch my upper arm with yours. This goes double for your legs. If you must use a laptop, don't keep poking me every few seconds when you try to hit the keys. If your size makes it impossible to sit on one seat: write to the train company and complain, do not force your disgusting fat body on other people. Get your damn luggage off the seat next to you and put it on the floor. If you must eat while sitting next to me (you really don't by the way) make sure it doesn't stink. Fish? No. Eggs? No. Samosa? No. No. No. Food aside, make sure YOU don't stink: showering and deodorant are not optional if you use public transport. It is absolutely not OK force people to smell you. Keep yourself to yourself, do not acknowledge anyone and DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Unless you're a girl? Then you're all good.
1. It is NOT rude to talk on your cell phone in a public place eg on a train or bus or w/e. just like how it isnt rude to have a conversation with a real person there. It pisses me off that on some busses I take they say "please dont use cellphones, it may disturb others" when it doesnt say "people dont talk, it may disturb others". in fact, on a phone there's less talking to be disturbed bya s thre's only 1/2 the conversation.
You are completely, absolutely, positively 100% incorrect. Studies have been done to prove it. It is WAY more irritating when you can only hear one side of the conversation, irritation amplified by the need that people have to raise their voices on a cellphone since they don't have the feedback that old analog landlines had. If you're not irritated by Incosiderate Cell Phone Man, you, sir, are in a small minority.
Incidentally, from TFA:
* 1. Lower your voice when taking calls in public.
* 2. Avoid personal topics when others can hear you.
* 3. Avoid taking calls when you're already engaged in a face-to-face conversation.
* 4. If you do take a call, ask permission of the people with you.
* 5. Avoid texting during a face-to-face conversations.
* 6. Put your phone's ringer on "silent" in theaters and restaurants.
* 7. Don't light up your phone's screen in a dark theater.
* 8. Hang up and drive.
* 9. Acknowledge the delay
* 10. Don't use Google Voice call screening with family and close friends
* 11. Don't blame the other guy for a dropped call
* 12. Avoid looking things up during a conversation
* 13. Be mindful about Facebook tagging
* 14. Avoid inappropriate profile pictures
At first glance I thought this article would be stating the obvious, but it's got some good stuff when you get past 8. Acknowledging the delay and reassuring the other person that you're not talking over the top of him is a great start, although I must say I haven't had that problem so much since I switched from Verizon. The delay on that service was so bad I ended up dreading every call.
Drill baby drill - on Mars
You live in society, you follow society's stupid rules. Like, you know, wearing clothes, not stinking up the place, pooping only in designated areas, and so forth. We don't need any new rules to cover cell phones: we already have the rule to cover this: don't talk loudly in public places. You see, quiet is a shared resource. If you use up all the quiet, there is no quiet left for anyone else. That's stealing, and stealing is wrong.
Now, I will agree that taking a loud talker's cell phone and jamming it up their rectum is probably an over-reaction, but it really depends on the situation.
- None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
The problem is that people talking on a cell phone generally speak much louder than someone who is talking to a person next to them.
I still cannot find the droids I am looking for...
When checking out at any store, do NOT ignore the cashier while talking on the phone. The rest of us would like to check out as well.
When talking and pacing, try not to trample people around you.
If you're talking to someone in person and get a phone call, either politely end your face to face conversation or tell the caller you'll call back later. Do not put the actual person in front of you "on hold" and expect them to just stand there while you shoot the bull with your buds on the phone.
Do NOT expect to have privacy while yelling into your cellphone out in public. If your conversation is not for public consumption, go somewhere private. If your side of your "private" conversation suggests that you have the clap, I reserve the right to point, laugh, and make snide comments to my friends.
Speaking loudly to someone next to you is also rude. This doesn't mean that speaking loudly into a cell phone is not rude -- and despite what you think, you're *probably* talking loudly. More so than you would on a land line. I don't know whether or not it's necessary, but I think this a natural function of modern cell phones: your mouth is several inches in front of where you assume the mic to be - where it would be for a land line. Maybe kids growing up on cell phones now won't have this problem ...
That aside, let's say it's not so. Let's say you are the one in 100 exception. It's also rude in a completely different way. Instead of having a conversation with somebody next to you, you're talking on a device that everyone around you *knows* is sensitive to sound. By the simple act of speaking on a cell phone, you oblige them to become quiet if they don't want to be "rude" and interfere with your conversation. Placing that kind of social obligation on someone is rude, no matter whether you're talking loudly or not.
It gets even worse if you're engaged with someone. Your phone rings while you're int he middle of a conversation - and like a well-trained dog you salivate ... erm, answer at the sound of the bell. Now you're sending a clear message to the people you had previously been speaking with: "This conversation you are having with me is far less important to me than what this faceless stranger has to say. Now sod off and be quiet while I talk to said stranger."
You may also observe that most complaints against impoliteness can be answered childishly with "boo hoo." Whether you agree or not, etiquette is based on other people's feelings, so if your behavior is bothering other people, you are in fact being rude. We're not talking about a moral failing, but a social one, like slurping your soup or writing your email in caps.
If your instinct is to answer "boo hoo" to these complaints, then etiquette is simply not for you.
Does anyone know why mobile phones have so little feedback compared to most landline phones? Is it a technical obstacle, or do manufacturers just do it for the hell of it? If it's such an important issue, why do we still get it so wrong?
Voice calls are not immune either - I cant call someone out of the blue for a chat, before I could but now they assume there is something wrong with me if I do that. In the early 00's I could call people and talk about an hour and they'd think nothing of it. Now its common to text before call
Really? Where does this happen? Back in my neck of the woods they'd call me stupid for texting to ask permission to call (and I'd be glad they did, even).
Running a business? Operating a counter? The person you're talking to across the counter is 100x more important than anyone who calls you and they were there first. If the phone rings, either someone else should answer it (preferably elsewhere), or your answer is: Hi, this is Leroy. I have a customer at the counter. You'll be on hold for a while, or you can call back, or come on down. [click]
I've fallen off your lawn, and I can't get up.
It's not just that, but when you hear two random people in a conversation, it's pretty easy to filter out without thinking about it. For me it's hard to ignore 1/2 of a conversation because that filtering part of my brain keeps saying "hey, that person is saying things/asking questions and no one is responding, could they be talking to me and I wasn't paying attention?". Even though I concsiously know they aren't, as soon as my attention wanders I seem to have to go through the same thing again, forcing me to actively ignore a person rather than passively.
Now its common to text before call
Move. I've never heard this before, and it strikes me as the dumbest thing ever, unless it was created as an artificial meme by the phone companies (because the margin on text messages is almost 100%).
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org