The Cell Phone Has Changed — New Etiquette Needed

CWmike writes to share a recent manners-rant that has some great gems about how not to be "that guy" on a cell phone. What rules of engagement are absolutely necessary and what social penalties should become standard practice for repeat offenders? "It's easy to be rude with a cell phone. A visitor from another planet might conclude that rudeness is a cell phone's main purpose. Random, annoying ring tones go off unexpectedly. People talk too loudly on cell phones in public because of the challenge of holding a conversation in a noisy environment with someone who's not present. Cell phones need their own rules of etiquette, or we'll descend into social barbarism."

Comments

Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[CrazyJim1]

"Do not use your cell phone while driving"

Cell phones cause car accidents all the time. Even if you think you're skillful enough to operate a cell phone and drive, doing so can be a role model for someone else who can't do the feat. My friend was even in a bad car accident last week where he says the other driver was on a cell phone. He had some broken ribs, a collar bone, and was pulled out by jaws of life.

If you get a ring, down answer it. Then find a pull off and call the person back.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[Monkeedude1212]

Fully Agreed.

I saw this test (I don't know whether it was on Mythbusters or some other show or even on the internet) where they were seeing how well a driver can steer a vehicle while not looking out the front windshield. I believe it was mostly about people programming destinations into their GPS while driving instead of doing it before hand - so it could be a few more seconds and such.

Turns out, a LOT of people can't keep it within their lane after 2 seconds, and even the most skilled people (that they tested) couldn't finish programming the GPS to a destination without being 2 or 3 lanes over.

Part of it is that your natural motions with your other hand will subliminally affect the other. If you look right, your bound to slightly turn right, its habitual for just about anyone. So that split second you spent turning and grabbing your phone from the passenger seat could mean you just bumped into that guy beside you.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[antifoidulus]

The big difference between walking and talking to someone beside you is that:

They are in the same environment you are, and if need be, can stop you from doing something stupid.

Since they are in the same environment as you they tend to lull the conversation when you are at a physical location(eg an intersection) where you need to concentrate on not dying.

Your partner on the cell phone may very well be sitting in their house eating nachos and may start to engage you in a very involving conversation right as you pull up to the intersection, thus your concentration may not be where it needs to be.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[spun]

According to studies, talking on a cellphone is far more distracting than talking on a car. There are many theories as to why that is the case. The other person in the car is, well, in the car. They will notice the same dangers you will, and will start to fear for their own safety if you are too distracted. It takes more brainpower to decipher a phone conversation, with its dropouts, limited bandwidth, and lack of nonverbal cues. Those are the theories, but the facts remain: talking on a cell phone is far more distracting than talking with a passenger.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[spottedkangaroo]

This is fundamentally incorrect. Talking with another human takes your brain to a place that's outside the car. The radio can do this too, but not to the same extent. And the difference with talking to someone who's in the car is obvious: Their life is in jeopardy along with yours. They are more sensitive to pauses in your speech (which can indicate personal danger for them) and most importantly, they're helping you look at the fucking road.

If you think talking on a bluetooth headset is better in some way than holding it up to your year, you're dead wrong and studies indicate this (a simple google should do the trick). About the only real difference is that holding it to your head slightly limits your field of vision. It's the conversation that's distracting, not holding up the phone. Sorry.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[CannonballHead]

But most people will say "Most people overestimate their skills, sure, but not me."

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[rolfwind]

Solution: Ignore the phone while driving and call back when at your destination.

Quicker Solution: Answer, say "Hold on for a second", ignore phone until you are safely pulled over somewhere.

Really, answering the phone is always in your power - and missing a phone call is not the end of the world. Driving the car is the driver's responsibility as well. We can't have excuses on either one, the buck needs to stop at the person with the power to make those decisions.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[DigiShaman]

Spun is right.

Talking on a cell phone is a mental distraction. I don't care if you have cybernetic jack direct to the cellphone. It does not negate the fact that the cellphone user will be mentally distracted. People often think they can multi-task. This is false. It is of my understanding that we (as human beings) actually task-switch in a pipelined fashion. True parallel cognitive multi-tasking doesn't really happen. It might at the subconscious however. The problem is that often a cellphone user would get stuck and focus too much attention to the cellphone talking and comprehension and not enough time operating a vehicle. There's that saying that goes, "we look but don't see". DaVinci was right in that respect. Driving is dangerous while completely focused as it is.

Many of you will hate me for saying this, but I firmly believe it should be illegal for the driver to place and/or answer a cell phone while driving. Period!

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[gyrogeerloose]

Just because X% of people who don't pay attention are on cell phones does not mean that the problem is the phone. The problem is people who don't pay attention to the road and who think the phone is more important than driving.

Got to disagree with you here--the phone is the problem.

I'm a commercially-licensed professional driver, by definition more rigorously trained, more experienced and held to a higher standard than the average driver. None the less, I've found that I can get distracted by a cell phone call no matter how hard I try to pay attention to the road. In fact, I will no longer use my cell phone while I'm driving a commercial vehicle and even in my personal vehicle will only answer calls if I can pull over safely within a few seconds of taking the call.

You may think you can use your phone safely while driving but you are wrong and your argument sounds a lot like those I've heard from people who claim to be able to drive while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Don't kid yourself; pull over before you use your cell phone in the car.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[farble1670]

the goal here is to avoid being distracted when you are driving.

finding your phone, looking at it enough so you can find the "answer" button, maybe needing to unlock the phone first or flip it open, then holding the phone close enough where there person can hear you say "hold on" is not a solution.

and don't give me a bunch of hoopla about how advanced your phone is hands free and you can answer it simply by thinking about it. not everyone has that feature. the vast majority of phones requires you to press a button to answer.

the OP had it right. just don't answer it.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[spun]

The ratio is over 50% of people that really should not have a license.... but here in the USA it's a god given right!

Well, we don't have the mass transit that countries with stricter driving laws do. And we can't, economically, because we are so spread out. So what's the answer? Do we relocate everyone into cities where there's mass transit? Build mass transit to every tiny town in America, and damn the cost? Shoot people in the head when we take their license, because honestly it's better than letting them starve to death? You take away the license of fifty percent of Americans and what will you do? I mean, I kind of agree with you, many people shouldn't be driving and we pay a 55,000 person a year toll in deaths from accidents. But what's the alternative?

Phones.

[Reason58]

People who speak twice as loudly on the phone as they do in person bug the hell out of me. Also, people who pull their phones out during a movie to text, seemingly unaware that their phone is like a laser straight into our eyeballs.

Re:Phones.

[trentblase]

When the hell are phone manufacturers going to provide microphone feedback so you can hear your own voice in the earpiece? It's not like it's hard. (And I'm not talking about the half-second-delay echo of my own voice that I sometimes get on AT&T)

Re:Phones.

[lottameez]

I've stopped going to theater; I just get redbox instead...Why pay $10 so I can be distracted by self-absorbed morons who can't go 20 minutes without checking their messages? Yes, it's a pet peeve. One of many.

Re:Phones.

[Nimey]

Because of the bright moving light in my peripheral vision, you self-absorbed shitbag.

You don't need to yell into your phone.

[PhantomHarlock]

I've noticed that people needlessly talk very loud on celphones. People underestimate how well modern cel phones will isolate your voice from medium-noisy background pratter. People automatically compensate for the person not being in the room without even thinking about it.

If I'm in a public place such as a casual restaurant and I need to take a brief call, I answer in very low tones and the person on the other end can understand me just as well. My tone of voice is indistinguishable from other conversations happening in the area, and in fact is usually quieter.

Try it sometime as an experiment if you are used to speaking up on the phone, you'll find you can be heard just as well. I have a friend who literally doubles her volume on the phone. It's quite amusing and I have to remind her that she's doing it.

Also, if you have any kind of music as your ringtone (except for the harp sound on the iPhone) you should be shot. A phone should sound like a phone, not a disco.

Re:You don't need to yell into your phone.

[idontgno]

IMO, I think Ringtones are the least annoying part about a phone, its just their volume that gets annoying. Much like someone talking too loud I don't want their ringtone to disrupt me either. However, if someone has a rap/punk/rock/pop/techno/classical/retro song for their ringtone, I have no issue with it whatsoever.

So, if someone's cell starts beltin' out Achy Breaky Heart, you do have an issue? Then J. Random OldDude probably has an issue with rap/punk/rock/pop/techno/classical/retro. Or one of those.

Besides, even if the ringtone is based on something I like, why is it a favor to me to hear a truncated, low-fidelity, looping fragment of it?

Sorry, a ringtone is a signal to the user of the cellphone that they have a call or message. Anything else is an abuse of the concept.

It is not a personal statement to every unfortunate within earshot, because in truth they don't give a rat's metric ass about you as a person, or about any statement you wish to make about yourself. You're a part of the scenery, and if your ringtone is loud, you're an annoying part of the scenery.

I'm 6'7" (2m to the US Customary challenged) tall, but I don't run around yelling I'm really tall. I like Metallica and Alan Parsons Project, but I don't blast either out of my cellphone. I really enjoy the occasional dram, but I don't slosh Laphroaig at folks with me at the bar because I think it's vitally important for me to make a personal statement about my superior tastes in whisky.

Sometimes I think the entire "Buy this ringtone and customize your phone to represent YOU" scam is one of the telecom industry's biggest worthless marketing success.

Loudness

[russotto]

The reason people talk louder on cell phones is probably the same reason they used to talk louder on landlines: Sidetone, or the lack thereof. When you don't hear yourself over the phone, you speak louder to compensate. I've noticed cell phones, especially the really tiny ones, have almost no sidetone.

Re:first rule

[sjames]

It's not that they're talking on their cellphones that makes us say it's rude IT'S HOW THEY ARE YELLING ON THEIR CELLPHONES SO LOUD THE REST OF US CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER that makes us say it's rude.

Re:not sure which is worse

[idontgno]

So you've had run-ins with people offended by how you use your cellphone?

The last thing we need is yet another stupid rule to obey that does little but reward over-sensitivity.

The rules are already there. They always have been. They're unspoken, like most rules of polite behavior. People who break them are really never punished, just labeled "rude" and properly ostracized. Perhaps confronted, but you never know where the line between "rude" and "sociopathic" lies in any given person, and it's not always worth risking unprovoked assault.

Nope, I am forced to conclude that inappropriate and rude use of a cellphone is far worse.

How about we use existing rules of etiquitte?

[thesandtiger]

"Don't be a loud, obnoxious asshole." Works for phones or any kind of conversation you're having in a public space.

"Don't drive like an asshole." Works for phones, texting, or just generally not paying attention to the multi-ton machine you're controlling while it hurtles down the road.

"Don't pull the asshole move of interrupting someone who is speaking to you by doing something else." Works for people who get a call in the middle of a conversation.

Really, "Don't be an asshole" is about all the etiquette we really need, and it's a lot simpler than trying to remember Emily Post.

Ettiquette on public transport.

[RichardJenkins]

Hey loud-mouth, damn right.

Stop nattering at 7am on the train when I should be in bed. Put your cellphone on vibrate and don't take calls. No loud music either, closed cup headphones or earphones are fine - but so help you if I can hear that the slightest tinny drivel.

Once you've learnt the art of not yelling at me when I'm forced into proximity with you, keep your arms on your side of the arm rest. Don't lean your elbow out and jab me. Sure as hell don't lean over and actually touch my upper arm with yours. This goes double for your legs. If you must use a laptop, don't keep poking me every few seconds when you try to hit the keys. If your size makes it impossible to sit on one seat: write to the train company and complain, do not force your disgusting fat body on other people. Get your damn luggage off the seat next to you and put it on the floor. If you must eat while sitting next to me (you really don't by the way) make sure it doesn't stink. Fish? No. Eggs? No. Samosa? No. No. No. Food aside, make sure YOU don't stink: showering and deodorant are not optional if you use public transport. It is absolutely not OK force people to smell you. Keep yourself to yourself, do not acknowledge anyone and DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT.

Unless you're a girl? Then you're all good.

Re:first rule

[fiannaFailMan]

1. It is NOT rude to talk on your cell phone in a public place eg on a train or bus or w/e. just like how it isnt rude to have a conversation with a real person there. It pisses me off that on some busses I take they say "please dont use cellphones, it may disturb others" when it doesnt say "people dont talk, it may disturb others". in fact, on a phone there's less talking to be disturbed bya s thre's only 1/2 the conversation.

You are completely, absolutely, positively 100% incorrect. Studies have been done to prove it. It is WAY more irritating when you can only hear one side of the conversation, irritation amplified by the need that people have to raise their voices on a cellphone since they don't have the feedback that old analog landlines had. If you're not irritated by Incosiderate Cell Phone Man, you, sir, are in a small minority.

Incidentally, from TFA:

* 1. Lower your voice when taking calls in public.
* 2. Avoid personal topics when others can hear you.
* 3. Avoid taking calls when you're already engaged in a face-to-face conversation.
* 4. If you do take a call, ask permission of the people with you.
* 5. Avoid texting during a face-to-face conversations.
* 6. Put your phone's ringer on "silent" in theaters and restaurants.
* 7. Don't light up your phone's screen in a dark theater.
* 8. Hang up and drive.
* 9. Acknowledge the delay
* 10. Don't use Google Voice call screening with family and close friends
* 11. Don't blame the other guy for a dropped call
* 12. Avoid looking things up during a conversation
* 13. Be mindful about Facebook tagging
* 14. Avoid inappropriate profile pictures

At first glance I thought this article would be stating the obvious, but it's got some good stuff when you get past 8. Acknowledging the delay and reassuring the other person that you're not talking over the top of him is a great start, although I must say I haven't had that problem so much since I switched from Verizon. The delay on that service was so bad I ended up dreading every call.

One man's stupid rule is another's etiquette

[spun]

You live in society, you follow society's stupid rules. Like, you know, wearing clothes, not stinking up the place, pooping only in designated areas, and so forth. We don't need any new rules to cover cell phones: we already have the rule to cover this: don't talk loudly in public places. You see, quiet is a shared resource. If you use up all the quiet, there is no quiet left for anyone else. That's stealing, and stealing is wrong.

Now, I will agree that taking a loud talker's cell phone and jamming it up their rectum is probably an over-reaction, but it really depends on the situation.

Re:first rule

[Low Ranked Craig]

The problem is that people talking on a cell phone generally speak much louder than someone who is talking to a person next to them.

Re:Texting taken more seriously now

[Tom]

Now its common to text before call

Move. I've never heard this before, and it strikes me as the dumbest thing ever, unless it was created as an artificial meme by the phone companies (because the margin on text messages is almost 100%).