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Students Failing Because of Poor Grammar

Posted by timothy on from the end-thats-inn-kanada dept.

innocent_white_lamb writes "30% of freshman university students fail a 'simple English test' at Waterloo University (up from 25% a few years ago. Academic papers are riddled with 'cuz' (in place of 'because') and even include little emoticon faces. One professor says that students 'think commas are sort of like parmesan cheese that you sprinkle on your words.' At Simon Fraser University, 10% of students are not qualified to take the mandatory writing courses."

19 of 1,343 comments (clear)

  1. unpossible by MilkyTea · · Score: 5, Funny

    Me fail English? That's unpossible.

    1. Re:unpossible by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University.

    2. Re:unpossible by Corporate+Drone · · Score: 5, Funny

      Some say, that Idiocracy was a documentary sent back from the future

      Other than having electrolytes, you know what the scariest thing about Idiocracy is? Every year that passes since it's release, that future seems not only more possible, but more probable.

      My fiance thinks the future will be a combination of Wall-E and Idiocracy, but whatever...it's not looking good -_-;;

      What's really fun about these two comments is that each contain the sort of error that TFA references: "Some say, that Idiocracy" (parmesan comma) and "since it's release" ('its', the 3rd person singular possessive pronoun, does not require an apostrophe). (I'll overlook the emoticon, since this isn't a formal paper, so I would argue it's less inappropriate here.)

      --
      mmm... yeah... You see, we're putting the cover sheets on all TPS reports now before they go out...
    3. Re:unpossible by Pojut · · Score: 5, Funny

      AUGH! Man...normally I'm such a nazi about "its" and "it's"...I feel horribly stupid for screwing that one up :-(

      (oh noes! emoticon!)

      --
      Living With a Nerd
    4. Re:unpossible by Kugrian · · Score: 5, Funny

      Is this why the signs on my lawn don't work?

    5. Re:unpossible by Custard+Horse · · Score: 5, Funny

      Utter puppycock!

    6. Re:unpossible by Culture20 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Basically, grammar is less a formal series of rules for better writing, and is more a formal series of rules for petty "one-upmanship" among writers.

      No, grammar is, a formal means of, determining what a set of writing means when you cant ask the writer what it means cuz hes not standing their in front of u i wish people wood rite better use punctuation good. Grammer and spelling well.
      If u write a letter and only way reader has to find out weather you meant "Man eats dog" or "Dog eats man", it helps to half written in formal universally excepted whey.

      Syntax Error Line 1

  2. Oh, no... by demonlapin · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm usually a grammar and spelling Nazi, but this thread invites the Nerdpocalypse. May God have mercy on our souls.

    1. Re:Oh, no... by biryokumaru · · Score: 5, Funny

      No no no, you misread it. They're lowering the price of the students. Kids like this used to be a dime a dozen, now they're thirty per cent.

      --
      When you're afraid to download music illegally in your own home, then the terrorists have won!
  3. Relevant by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I once had a freshman student write in a paper, "The bathroom smelled in a way that is not relevant to life."

  4. Re:LOL by oodaloop · · Score: 5, Funny

    tl;dr

    --
    Tic-Tac-Toe, Global Thermonuclear War, and relationships all have the same winning move.
  5. term paper on Shakespeare by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    OMG Juliet was like, oh oh, OMG were is my bf Romeo and I was like, so GET OVER IT teh rediculus bitch.

  6. Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Strider- · · Score: 5, Funny

    To quote the book of the above title:

    A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

    'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

    'Well, I'm a panda', he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'

    The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'

    I've actually noticed myself becoming extremely careful about punctuation. If you get your punctuation wrong when programming, all sorts of bad things happen. English is just a natural extension of this.

    --
    ...si hoc legere nimium eruditionis habes...
    1. Re:Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by nigel999 · · Score: 5, Funny
      Another example of a grammarian joke:

      An office manager has had a bad financial year, and has to make a decision to let someone go. The newest workers are Sandra and Jack. Both have performed very well, and the manager likes them both equally. He decides, on a whim, to fire the first person that visits the water cooler on Monday morning.

      Monday comes around, and the boss watches from his office. Sandra is the first to go up to the cooler. The manager goes over to her.

      "Sandra", he says, "I have a tough decision to make. I have to either lay you or Jack off."

      Sandra sighs as she's pouring her water. "Could you jack off?" she replies. "I feel like shit this morning."

  7. hai by msclrhd · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hai, I can haz degree?

  8. Re:And this is how we die by russotto · · Score: 5, Funny

    There must be some place in the world that welcomes those Americans who manage to not be complete morons.

    Try Australia; they'll welcome anyone who passes their entrance exam, which simply consists of subduing a crocodile with your bare hands.

  9. Re:It's the parents by Junta · · Score: 5, Funny

    Parents claim they want schools with touch academics

    I thought teachers get in a lot of trouble over providing that sort of thing?

    --
    XML is like violence. If it doesn't solve the problem, use more.
  10. Rarely is the questioned asked by atomicxblue · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is our children learning?

  11. Re:Just out of curiousity... by xep · · Score: 5, Funny

    What part of speech is "eh?"

    Punctuation!