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Microsoft Says Windows 7 Not Killing Batteries

Posted by kdawson on from the epidemic-of-noticing dept.

VindictivePantz sends word that the Windows 7 team has posted a new blog entry discussing their conclusions about the reported Windows 7 battery failures. "To the very best of the collective ecosystem knowledge, Windows 7 is correctly warning batteries that are in fact failing and Windows 7 is neither incorrectly reporting on battery status nor in any way whatsoever causing batteries to reach this state. In every case we have been able to identify the battery being reported on was in fact in need of recommended replacement. ...every single indication we have regarding the reports we've seen are simply Windows 7 reporting the state of the battery using this new feature and we're simply seeing batteries that are not performing above the designated threshold. ... We are as certain as we can be that we have addressed the root cause and concerns of this report, but we will continue to monitor the situation."

18 of 272 comments (clear)

  1. Surprise by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Windows is not at fault. Hardware or 3rd party software always is

    1. Re:Surprise by socceroos · · Score: 3, Funny

      ...news at 11.

    2. Re:Surprise by Idbar · · Score: 4, Funny

      Microsoft Says Windows 7 Not Killing Batteries
      My guess is that batteries are killing themselves as soon as they know they are powering a Windows machine. They have become quite intelligent now.

      Kidding, kidding!

    3. Re:Surprise by Conchobair · · Score: 2, Funny

      I have to agree after 3 years working ISP tech support and hearing numerous customers blaming the ISP for giving them viruses.

  2. Windows 7 is correctly warning batteries? by maxwell+demon · · Score: 3, Funny

    So what does it tell them? "Hey, you seem to be failing. Do you need me to help you?"

    --
    The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
    1. Re:Windows 7 is correctly warning batteries? by noidentity · · Score: 3, Funny

      I think it's warning the batteries that they will be warned, kind of like recently with Windows 7 RC. Trust me, you don't want to startle a Li-ion battery.

  3. almost fooled me... by Cornwallis · · Score: 5, Funny

    I got excited for a minute because I thought the header read "Microsoft Says Windows 7 Not Killing Babies".

    That would have been interesting.

    1. Re:almost fooled me... by ajrs · · Score: 5, Funny

      I got excited for a minute because I thought the header read "Microsoft Says Windows 7 Not Killing Babies".

      That would have been interesting.

      So, Windows 7 is still killing babies?

    2. Re:almost fooled me... by Teese · · Score: 5, Funny

      I got excited for a minute because I thought the header read "Microsoft Says Windows 7 Not Killing Babies".

      That would have been interesting.

      So, Windows 7 is still killing babies?

      They haven't denied it yet.

      --
      "I'm a Genius!"*


      *Not an actual Genius
    3. Re:almost fooled me... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Thank you, Mr. Beck.

  4. In related news by SnarfQuest · · Score: 2, Funny

    Umbrella Corp says that its virus is not causing people to turn into zombies. However, we were unable to get more information from their spokesman, as he was killed by zombie dogs.

    --
    Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
  5. Wha?? by Itninja · · Score: 5, Funny

    "To the very best of the collective ecosystem knowledge, Windows 7 is correctly warning batteries that are in fact failing and Windows 7 is neither incorrectly reporting on battery status nor in any way whatsoever causing batteries to reach this state."

    Can a brother get some restrictive clauses and pronouns up in here?

    --
    I judt got a nre Kinesis keybiartf so please excusr ant egregiou typos.
  6. Re:Not news - just like last time by mcgrew · · Score: 4, Funny

    * waves hand *

    --
    Free Martian Whores!
  7. Not dead by Lost+Penguin · · Score: 4, Funny

    Microsoft: Oh yes, the, uh, the Battery...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
              Laptop owner: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
              Microsoft: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
              Laptop owner: Look, matey, I know a dead battery when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
              Microsoft: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkably charged, the Battery, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
              Laptop owner: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
              Microsoft: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

    --
    I am the unwilling control for my Origin.
    1. Re:Not dead by maxwell+demon · · Score: 2, Funny

      "tfosorciM" and "renwo potpal"? :-)

      --
      The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
    2. Re:Not dead by MBCook · · Score: 4, Funny

      Microsoft: Bring out your dead batteries.
      Microsoft: Here's one.
      Customer: It's not dead.
      Microsoft: Yes it is.
      Customer: But it still holds a little charge.
      Microsoft: Not really. It's as good as dead.
      Customer: Look! It plays YouTube for over 2 minutes.
      Microsoft: It's dead. Do we need to come back later?
      Customer: But it's still good. It's happy!
      Microsoft: *THWACK*
      Microsoft: There. Now it's dead.
      Customer: You killed my battery!
      Microsoft: No we didn't. It was already dead.

      --
      Comment forecast: Bits of genius surrounded by a sea of mediocrity.
  8. Remember Kids... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Windows 7 doesn't kill batteries, people kill batteries.

  9. Re:Sheesh. by Qzukk · · Score: 5, Funny

    Like a zombie battery?

    Yes. When it starts getting low, it moans MAAAAIIINNNNSSSS

    --
    If I have been able to see further than others, it is because I bought a pair of binoculars.