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Office Guardian Angel Worse Than Clippy

Posted by samzenpus on from the you-never-knew-how-good-you-had-it dept.

ZWilder writes "Remember 'Clippy', the annoying anthropomorphic paper clip foisted upon unsuspecting users of Office? Well Microsoft has taken the concept behind Clippy and 'turned the dial up to 11' with its new, even more intrusive animated life-coach, known as 'Guardian Angel.' Patented in 2006, Guardian Angel is 'an intelligent personalized agent' that 'monitors and evaluates a user's environment to assist in decision-making processes on behalf of the user.' Like a manlier Fairy Godmother. Or a similarly omniscient HAL from '2001: A Space Oddysey.'"

15 of 118 comments (clear)

  1. Great... by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 5, Funny

    (User browsing some good porn.)

    Guardian Angel: "It looks like you're breaking some commandments!"

    1. Re:Great... by MRe_nl · · Score: 4, Funny

      Behind Winston's back the voice from the Guardian Angel was still babbling away about pig-iron and the over fulfilment of the Ninth Three-Year Plan. The Guardian Angel received and transmitted simultaneously. Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it, moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual Guardian Angel was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your Guardian Angel whenever they wanted to. You had to live -- did live, from habit that became instinct -- in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized.

      --
      "Kill 'em all and let Root sort 'em out"
  2. April 1 by sdstuart · · Score: 4, Funny

    Well, I guess it is April 1 already in some parts of the world. Sigh. Time to turn the computer off for a day.

    --
    My SIG is a P220.
  3. I used clippy a lot by 2.7182 · · Score: 4, Funny

    It had some good AI actually built into it to understand my questions. I think they actually unified two branches of AI to create it.

  4. a warning for dangerous persons by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    "and more specifically, a breakdown of the types of people in the room accompanied by a warning for dangerous persons, based on sex offender registration, FBI most wanted, etc."

    How useful is "You are in a room with Osama bin Laden and Charles Manson. It looks like youa re trying to write a letter..."

  5. Re:Slashdot! by Ironhandx · · Score: 2, Funny

    and twice in one day!

  6. What are you doing, Dave? by jgreco · · Score: 4, Funny

    Please don't pull my wings off, Dave!

    1. Re:What are you doing, Dave? by NicknamesAreStupid · · Score: 3, Funny

      Open the fucking window, Hal!

    2. Re:What are you doing, Dave? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      I'm sorry, but you have attempted to download some open source materials, and I just can't let you do that, Dave.

  7. I hope not by tpstigers · · Score: 4, Funny

    Good lord, I hope this isn't an April Fool's joke. For years I've been waiting for Microsoft to take more control over my life. When the Great Decision Engine Bing first arrived on the scene, I hoped the glorious day had finally arrived, only to have my hopes dashed when I found that Bing will only 'suggest'. PLEASE, Microsoft, save me from myself!

  8. Re:Make My Day by dangitman · · Score: 3, Funny

    Maybe somebody @ MS is a Bernhard Goetz [wikipedia.org] kind of a guy.

    I'm not clicking on that link. I know slashdot claims it goes to wikipedia, but I still fear it's all just going to end with more distended anuses.

    --
    ... and then they built the supercollider.
  9. Re:Obviously this is... by Shakrai · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why not? The current patent system reminds me of one big April fools joke.

    --
    I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
    We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
  10. Re:Slashdot! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Slashdot: The only place where 4 year old patents are news!

    Not only is it news to me, but this development spells trouble. This patent could be a source of major enturbulation! I have been working on a Guardian Operating Thetan. In addition to doing everything the Guardian Angel is designed to do, the G.O.T. also:

    - Locks you inside of your house and alerts your auditor when you utilize tools of logic or reason.
    - Tracks your 'stats' in real-time and provides at a glance analysis of your net worth as a sentient being as derived from said stats.
    - Detects when you are alone or only in the presence of other 'practitioners' and randomly triggers your control set to keep your programming fresh.
    - Alerts the Guardians Office when your seizure prone child dies because you withheld his medication, and coordinates the response to ensure that no qualified medical personnel have an opportunity to render life-saving treatment.
    - Simulates the voices and conversational style of your loved ones from whom you were forced to disconnect upon joining the Church.

    I'm thinking I might need to re-engineer around this MS patent. Anyone with greater insight care to share their opinion?

  11. Re:Obviously this is... by dudpixel · · Score: 5, Funny

    offtopic i know:

    At first glance it looked like Microsoft didn’t have an april fools joke on their website today...

    But then I saw this:

    Internet Explorer 8 - faster, safer and easier than ever

    Well done Microsoft. You got me.

    --
    This seemed like a reasonable sig at the time.
  12. Information... by Tetsujin · · Score: 4, Funny

    Information: You are all going to die.

    --
    Bow-ties are cool.