Woman Tells State Judiciary Committee, "DoD Implanted A Microchip Inside Me"

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Woman Tells State Judiciary Committee, "DoD Implanted A Microchip Inside Me"

Posted by samzenpus on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @04:30AM from the out-of-the-woodwork dept.

The Georgia House Judiciary Committee took up a bill that would "prohibit requiring a person to be implanted with a microchip," and would make violating the ban a misdemeanor. Things started to get weird at the hearing when a woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County told the committee, "I'm also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip." Not sure of what she was trying to say, she was allowed to continue and added, "Microchips are like little beepers. Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission." Further prodding revealed that the woman's co-workers would torture her by activating the chips with their cell phones and that the chips were implanted by "researchers with the federal government." The committee thanked the woman for her input, and later approved the bill.

34 of 222 comments (clear)

Well doy by Pojut · 2010-04-21 04:34 · Score: 3, Funny

Of course they did...look at that little "microchip"! Can you say mini-dildo? Because I can.

--
Living With a Nerd
Imagine office parties by OdoylesRule · 2010-04-21 04:36 · Score: 2, Funny

where everyone had one of these to "torture" each other with. ;)
Vote for best sentence in summary by dbcad7 · 2010-04-21 04:36 · Score: 4, Funny

The committee thanked the woman for her input,

--
waiting for ad.doubleclick.net
1. Re:Vote for best sentence in summary by Anonymous Coward · 2010-04-21 07:36 · Score: 2, Insightful
  
  As a researcher for the Federal Government, I can assure you that we have no greater priority than to get microchips into the private parts of every crazy, nutjob, and tin-foil hat wearing psycho. Cell phone activated implanted beepers are invaluable in helping us sift through your garbage and public library records.
  (p.s. The tinfoil hats make it easier for us to know that you know who we are. Thanks for your cooperation, we'll be sure to pay you a vist.)
Hmmmm by Monkeedude1212 · 2010-04-21 04:37 · Score: 3, Insightful

A Misdemeanor is a pretty light punishment for something such as this.
er.. by mewt · 2010-04-21 04:37 · Score: 3, Insightful

Wait WHAT ?
The problem... by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · 2010-04-21 04:37 · Score: 4, Insightful

Is that while the woman in question is almost definitely out to lunch, and could probably use some psych help, the notion that somebody would implant a microchip in you has gone from "automatically crazy" to "must be dismissed as crazy based on the specific facts of the case".

Welcome to the future.
1. Re:The problem... by eggoeater · 2010-04-21 05:08 · Score: 2, Interesting
  
  She absolutely needs psych help; a LOT of paranoia here, not just re. the government planting the chip, but thinking her coworkers were torturing her.
  My wife use to work at a university insect ID lab and got a LOT of "samples" (ie. fuzz, lint, or just an empty bottle) from people with delusional parasitosis. This woman has the same thing, only a little more high-tech.
  
  --
  $7.95/mo, 200 GB disk, 2TBxfer, MySQL, PHP, RoR.
2. Re:The problem... by gtall · 2010-04-21 05:15 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Hell, my coworkers torture me even without an implant.
3. Re:The problem... by fearlezz · 2010-04-21 05:16 · Score: 3, Insightful
  
  Being paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.
  
  --
  .sig: No such file or directory
4. Re:The problem... by elrous0 · 2010-04-21 07:59 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Are you saying that my Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome aren't real?!?!? I'll have you know I got a qualified diagnosis from a nice doctor in Van Nuys who prescribed marijuana for the problem.
  
  --
  SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
As a resident of Dekalb county... by sacremon · 2010-04-21 04:38 · Score: 5, Funny

...it was probably CDC, not the DoD, that did it. CDC is based in a neighboring county (Fulton) and has offices in Dekalb. Definitely not county officials, though. The county police just shoot people.

--
If you can't beat them, embrace and extend them.
A Misdemeanor? Seriously? by Prien715 · 2010-04-21 04:38 · Score: 4, Insightful

Driving home after two beers or smoking the wrong plant is a more serious crime than planning on sticking a microchip under someone's skin for the explicit purpose of tracking them.
Weird priorities.

--
-- Political fascism requires a Fuhrer.
What did she do to get to that point, we can learn by plasmacutter · 2010-04-21 04:38 · Score: 2, Insightful

This proves that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
This woman must be doing something right for them to write up a bill specifically for HER to get her to "stfu and gtfo already" about the government planting chips in her body.
I can just see it now "thank you, ok aye votes? motion passed" *she leaves the floor* *some legislators laugh into their sleeves* "NOW, on to real issues".

--
VLC FOR MAC IS DYING! IF YOU DEVELOP, PLEASE SAVE IT!!
Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture by BadAnalogyGuy · 2010-04-21 04:39 · Score: 5, Interesting

Christian eschatology declares that the End Times will see a split of the human race into faithful and the non-believers. The faithful will not take the "Mark of the Beast" and will suffer economically because of it. By rejecting the MotB, they will be excluded from all transactions and be essentially outcasts from the new society.
However, because of their steadfastness, they will not be condemned to hell upon the second coming of Jesus. Those who take the Mark will be torn asunder and cast into the pits of hell.
Many believe that the MotB is or will be something similar to this type of microchip implant. By grafting the mark to a person, any transaction can be monitored and tracked. This is one of the methods of governmental control via the MotB.
This lady was clearly insane. But there are MANY people out there who believe in exactly what I wrote above. These are your neighbors, Americans.
1. Re:Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture by Bakkster · 2010-04-21 05:10 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  Just adapt the preterist interpretation of the Book of Revelation and you'll be fine.
  Shouldn't a religious interpretation be based on what you believe the applicable holy book actually says, not what you want it to mean? The 'just interpret it like this' method is what brings us Muslim terrorism and the Westboro Baptist Church's "God Hates Fags" go-out-and-protest-a-funeral tactics.
  Personally, I find the preterist view fails to explain many bits, not least of which was the mark of the beast. When were Jews forced to receive a phyiscal marking in order to perform commerce?
  
  --
  Write your representatives! Repeal the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics!
2. Re:Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture by DerekLyons · 2010-04-21 05:43 · Score: 2, Informative
  
  Many believe that the MotB is or will be something similar to this type of microchip implant.
  And before the invention of the microchip, it was barcodes. Before barcodes, it was tatoos...
3. Re:Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture by clone53421 · 2010-04-21 05:49 · Score: 2, Insightful
  
  You forgot barcode tattoos.
  
  --
  Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
4. Re:Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture by Khyber · 2010-04-21 06:37 · Score: 3, Informative
  
  "When were Jews forced to receive a phyiscal marking in order to perform commerce?"
  Around 1938. A big yellow star with 'Juden' on it, identifying you as a Jew. Suddenly with that star you couldn't do business in some places and were forced to go to Juden-catering places (which were often shut down as Germany went forward with the ethnic cleansing.)
  
  --
  Still waiting on Serviscope_minor to wake up to fucking reality and realize that Jessica Price isn't going to fuck him.
5. Re:Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture by Bakkster · 2010-04-21 06:46 · Score: 2, Informative
  
  While plausible, it fails to fit within the preterist viewpoint, which says that the events of Revelation took place before it was written, which was significantly prior to the 1930's.
  
  --
  Write your representatives! Repeal the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics!
RE: by D'Sphitz · 2010-04-21 04:39 · Score: 2, Insightful

Thank goodness our lawmakers are tackling these important non-existent problems, and exploiting mentally ill people to make their case. I feel safer.
It wasn't the DoD... It was Aliens! by gront · 2010-04-21 04:43 · Score: 5, Funny

Everyone knows vaginal-rectal tracking is Martian territory, not the Department of Defense. The taint is pure red planet; DoD has an oral fixation. Doesn't anyone research these things?
Just proves that they are educated evil and too stupid smart to understand implanted tracking devices and timecubes.
1. Re:It wasn't the DoD... It was Aliens! by Mindcontrolled · 2010-04-21 04:54 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Everybody knows, eh? God, another one who swallowed Their propaganda hook, line and sinker. Listen, I keep it short, because I gotta change location soon - here is some advice: The conspiracy you read about, and especially, the conspiracy everybody knows, is not The True Conspiracy. It is propaganda planted by Them, things They want you to believe. I can't go into detail, this is not a secure line. But look at what the known conspiracies do NOT have in common. That is the path to The Truth. You can kiss your quiet life goodbye if you find out, though, maybe your life as such. Gotta go, been here too long already. THINK!
  
  --
  Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
2. Re:It wasn't the DoD... It was Aliens! by Mindcontrolled · 2010-04-21 05:24 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Two people posting "fnord" at exactly the same time? I knew I have been staying on the same computer too long... Nice try, but you won't get me. At least I won't go down quietly, you hear that??
  
  --
  Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
Re: by Dunbal · 2010-04-21 04:45 · Score: 3, Funny

Thank goodness our lawmakers are tackling these important non-existent problems
Surely this is as important an issue as the fact that the island of Guam might tip over...

--
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
Re:A Misdemeanor? Seriously? by HarrySquatter · 2010-04-21 04:57 · Score: 2, Insightful

What's weird about it? Driving drunk has the potential of the drunk person maiming and/or killing other drivers. Implanting a microchip in someone is a non-violent crime with no potential for the maiming or killing of others. It seems pretty clear to me that the former should be punished harsher than the latter.
Read the bill by Shivetya · 2010-04-21 04:58 · Score: 2

http://www.legis.state.ga.us/legis/2009_10/versions/sb235_As_passed_Senate_5.htm
it is very self explanatory.
No one, one any condition, meaning employers too, can force you into an implant.
Frankly I am all for restrictions being codified in law

--
* Winners compare their achievements to their goals, losers compare theirs to that of others.
Frito-Lay implanted a chip in me... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-04-21 05:03 · Score: 2, Funny

...this morning. Actually a whole bag full of chips. Could not stop after only one.
Re:A Misdemeanor? Seriously? by Kozz · 2010-04-21 05:15 · Score: 2, Insightful

Driving home after two beers or smoking the wrong plant is a more serious crime than planning on sticking a microchip under someone's skin for the explicit purpose of tracking them.
Weird priorities.
If you begin comparing crimes, their offense to society or individuals, and then the manner in which those convicted are prosecuted and punished, you're headed down a very long, confusing road. Who should be punished more severely, a rapist or a murderer? OK, what if instead of a murder, it was white collar crime, embezzling $5 million USD. Okay, what about 500 million. OK, what about retirement accounts of millions across the nation? OK, but what if the rapist actually [unimaginable details]...

--
I only post comments when someone on the internet is wrong.
absolutely true story: by circletimessquare · 2010-04-21 05:16 · Score: 5, Funny

there was a little old lady who used to stand on 42nd street and eighth avenue handing out little pamphlets about how the devil was always trying to corrupt you via external means (i love picking up religious literature from the kooks in times square to analyze their words for entertainment value: reference timecube.com). according to her screed, one way was by putting a microchip in a grain of rice you would eat, another way from a stranger shaking your hand in such a way that 666 would be formed in the curl of their fingers, evil eyes, etc.
anyway, one day on the way to the port authority bus terminal i went into a store right near the little old lady to get a yogurt and a can of diet soda. the total came to $3.34, and i gave him a $10. the guy was insistent on me taking my receipt. i went outside and thought i would take another pamphlet from the old lady to see if she had updated her shpiel. randomly and without intent, i gave her my receipt as i took her pamphlet
my receipt that said $10 minus $3.34 change: $6.66
i never saw that little old lady again
coincidence? or was i AN UNWITTING TOOL OF THE DEVIL
absolutely true story

--
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Not necessarily a wack-job... by jddj · 2010-04-21 05:28 · Score: 4, Interesting

This woman sounds pretty nuts.
That said, I've got a colleague, ex-military, NOT a crank, who says the US Army implanted a glass-tube into his hand much like the one pictured - without his knowledge or consent. It was implanted while he was out during an unrelated surgery.
The implanted tube irritated him enough that he was regularly scratching it, and he eventually dug it out of his skin - and was surprised to see the foreign object.
The same guy has never spouted any nutty theories to me, never was paranoid about being tracked - just mentioned this experience.
For my part, I figured it was the Army experimenting with ways to inventory their humans, and maybe to posthumously ID them.
1. Re:Not necessarily a wack-job... by vlm · 2010-04-21 05:40 · Score: 2, Informative
  
  US Army implanted a glass-tube into his hand
  Sure it wasn't a METAL tube like a piece of broken off IV needle? You even mentioned he was in for surgery.
  Also, bone particles? Every couple years for a decade or two, a tiny little shard of bone from a broken molar extraction works its way to the surface of the skin of my mouth, makes a little pimple, hurts for about a day, pops out, and its gone. We're talking tiny little pieces of bone here, like the ball on the end of a ball point pen.
  Finally, your hand is semi-translucent. Hold it up in front of a bright lamp and you'll see what I mean. Also they have a tendency to be blown off in explosions and generally smacked around. I'm not thinking hand would be location choice #1 for an implant, although I suppose it depends on the application.
  
  --
  "Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
2. Re:Not necessarily a wack-job... by Muad'Dave · 2010-04-21 05:43 · Score: 3, Interesting
  
  You mean like this little puppy?
  
  --
  Tiller's Rule: Never use a word in written form that you've only heard and never read. You will end up looking foolish.
Applied to the skin? by vlm · 2010-04-21 05:33 · Score: 2, Interesting

Unlike most slashdotters I actually read the bill as passed.
What does this mean?

'Implant' includes any means intended to introduce a microchip .... or applied to the skin of a person.
http://www.legis.state.ga.us/legis/2009_10/versions/sb235_As_passed_Senate_5.htm
Do they mean something really weird like superglueing a passkey/ibutton to your skin? That's a new one I've never even heard of, and I've been interested in this general area of research for a long time (not for paranoid reasons, but more for medical and UI reasons)

'Microchip' means any ... electronically readable marking,
Ah, so no barcodes, no "mark of the beast" in GA etc. Technically a tattoo parlor inking a bar code would be "implanting a microchip" according to this bizarre law.

Such term shall not include pacemakers.
And there's the out. You'll get all the implants they want, just with a pacemaker feature that is not enabled.

--
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger