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Russian Officials To Investigate Regional President's Alien Abduction Claims
wdef writes "The BBC reports that a Russian MP has asked President Dmitry Medvedev to investigate claims by a regional president that he has met aliens on board a spaceship. Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader of the southern region of Kalymkia, made his claim in a television interview. Mr Ilyumzhinov said in an interview on primetime television that he had been taken on board an alien spaceship which had come to planet Earth to take samples — and claims to have several witnesses. He has been president of Kalmykia, a small Buddhist region of Russia which lies on the shores of the Caspian Sea, for 17 years. As president of the World Chess Federation, he has spent tens of millions of dollars turning the impoverished republic into a mecca for chess players — building an entire village to host international tournaments. MP Andre Lebedev is not just asking whether Mr Ilyumzhinov is fit to govern. He is also concerned that, if he was abducted, he may have revealed details about his job and state secrets."
Why do high profile chess players always have to go completely batshit crazy?
Tomorrow we'll find out Kasparov has invented a "free energy" machine and historians have found a volume of letters from Paul Morphy claiming he controlled the moon.
My work here is dung.
What the hell? Come on aliens! Seriously? America has twice the crazies suitable for testing and ... probing. Russia is so 18th and 19th century. I promise you that for at least the next decade, Americans are the ones you want to abduct.
Mr. President there must not be an alien abduction gap! I propose we take our most popular specimens like Tom Cruise, Ke$ha, Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr. and chain them down in a random field for sampling by aliens.
My work here is dung.
It's amazing the extremes some politicans will go to to cover up affairs from their wives. "You see honey, I spend all weekend with...uh...ALIENS!" In other news, Ilyumzhinov is also planning a hiking trip this weekend on the Appalachian Trail--where his cellphone won't work, so don't even bother calling.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
You'd think that someone fabricating an alien abduction tale would at least get the basics right.
Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader of the southern region of Kalymkia, made his claim in a television interview. Mr Ilyumzhinov said in an interview on primetime television that he had been taken on board an alien spaceship which had come to planet Earth to take samples — and claims to have several witnesses
Unfortunately, those alien witnesses are unavailable for questioning . . .
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
If I'm going to dream, it's going to be of my marriage to Natalie Portman...not of aliens abducting some loser in Russia.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
I don't think it works that way, though. There isn't evidence that using one's brain too much can cause the same kind of damage as pulling a muscle or twisting a knee does in more physical sports. On the contrary, there is a ton of evidence by now that it can actually delay the onset of the various forms of neuro-degeneration in the old age.
But it may be that you already have to be not entirely normal up there in the first place to make it that far in chess.
I was going to give this detailed retort, countering each and every one of your points, but I bruised my brain in the attempt. According to the examining physician, I may never think again...
It gets harder and harder to tell "The Onion" from the news every year.
Please do not read this sig. Thank you.
Maybe for them, the game of chess is the most important thing in the universe.
At least they won't be hostile then. Just insanely boring ...
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You abduct...aliens?
Did he see Farrakhan up there as well?
According to the examining physician, I may never think again...
I know a site where you'll fit right in.
God invented whiskey so the Irish would not rule the world.