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Pentagon Seeking Out Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange

Posted by timothy on from the just-a-few-words dept.

clustro writes "The Pentagon is desperately seeking the 'cooperation' of Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, in order to stop him from releasing over 250,000 pages of confidential foreign policy documents. The documents were allegedly provided to Assange by Bradley Manning, the same solider who leaked a video showing a US Army helicopter killing unarmed civilians and international press correspondents."

15 of 628 comments (clear)

  1. We promise we won't hurt you. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Could you just provide us your GPS co-ordinates? Thanks!

    1. Re:We promise we won't hurt you. by Golddess · · Score: 3, Funny

      Reminds me of a term I heard recently, seagull manager. They fly in, make a lot of noise, shit on everything, and fly off.

      --
      "I'm not sure I like the fugnutish tone you used in your post!" -RogL (608926)-
  2. They know not what they seek! by Cylix · · Score: 5, Funny

    Good luck finding "Julian" as if such a man would have parted ways with his real name. He is a master of 27 languages and knows the local customs as if he recited them as his daily prayers. This is a man who possesses a near chameleon like instinct and can instantly blend into the background anywhere. Only further surpassing his ability to sink into the inky blackness are the hundreds of contacts he has made from here to hoover damn. Hell, even the rocks and streams seem to offer the man comfort if so much as he breathes a heavy sigh.

    I can only laugh when the Pentagon says they want to find "Julian." Just considering the sheer number of hells they'll need to climb down to find the darkest demon who might be able to guess what "Julian" had for lunch just makes me chuckle.

    Either that or the Pentagon can just send him an email.

    --
    "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours." -- Yogi Berra
    1. Re:They know not what they seek! by clustro · · Score: 5, Funny

      Oh come on.

      You know he got lost once in his own museum.

    2. Re:They know not what they seek! by Saeed+al-Sahaf · · Score: 4, Funny

      Good luck finding "Julian" as if such a man would have parted ways with his real name.

      Obviously, he is The Most Interesting Man in the World, and only drinks Dos Equis... Or something.

      --
      "Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!" - Glen Beck
    3. Re:They know not what they seek! by Cylix · · Score: 2, Funny

      Julian says to the Pentagon, "Stay thirsty my friends."

      --
      "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours." -- Yogi Berra
  3. Re:As they should be. by Majik+Sheff · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yup. Now he's an enemy combatant. Now about those GPS coordinates...

    --
    Women are like electronics: you don't know how damaged they are until you try to turn them on.
  4. In Soviet America by Required+Snark · · Score: 5, Funny

    In Soviet America, leaks plug you.

    --
    Why is Snark Required?
  5. Re:Give him a Nobel Prize by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    True. And unlike Obama, he actually did something to deserve the prize beforehand.

  6. Re:As they should be. by Eternal+Vigilance · · Score: 2, Funny

    When did 'we' decide this?

    You don't have clearance to know that.

  7. Re:Give him a Nobel Prize by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    One day, this man should be nominated, and win, a Nobel Peace Prize.

    What, you think he's more deserving than the president of a country which has been involved in more wars than any other ?

  8. Re:As they should be. by Bazer · · Score: 2, Funny

    What if the Pentagon is telling the truth and releasing these documents would cause "serious damage to national security" and people die as a result of your decision?

    He will be eligible to work there?

  9. Re:Obama by Nimey · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's easier to say they're identical than to expend time thinking.

    --
    Hail Eris, full of mischief...

    E pluribus sanguinem
  10. Re:This guy Manning by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    His age is expressed in hexadecimal, making him actually 34, and a badass.

  11. Re:This started over 12 hours ago by mcvos · · Score: 2, Funny

    Don't worry. In a few days, someone will post it again.