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Congress Mulls China's Networked Authoritarianism
eldavojohn writes "Rebecca MacKinnon tipped her hand about her congressional statements on China and how much Americans are invested in China's censorship, delivered today at a hearing on 'China's Information Control Practices and the Implications for the United States.' In an attempt to describe what China is pioneering, she coins the term 'networked authoritarianism.' Of most concern was Baidu, which has two Americans on its board of directors (out of five) as well as a lot of funding from American investors and mutual funds. From her testimony (PDF): 'As I have described in my testimony, the Chinese government has transferred much of the cost of censorship to the private sector. The American investment community has so far been willing to fund Chinese innovation in censorship technologies and systems without complaint or objection. Under such circumstances, Chinese industry leaders have little incentive and less encouragement to resist government demands that often contradict even China's own laws and constitution.' Is Congress genuinely concerned or are they just curious how they can make 'networked authoritarianism' work for them?"
Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.
INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.
CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat
HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.
MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK.
Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most
Dead Nigger Storage Inc is a successful business founded in 1994 by Toluca Lake, Los Angeles resident Jimmie Dimmick, after a misunderstanding with two acquaintances from the local underworld. In an interview made in 2004 with Pulp Magazine, Dimmick stated that the idea for his business originally came from his dealings with a mysterious "Mr Wolfe" several years previously.
Dead Nigger Storage Inc is publicly traded on the Nasdaq stock market under the symbol DEDNIG.
Business Overview
The business focuses on a simple service provision as the basis for their corporate offering, namely the creation of storage facilities specially built to store dead and/or decaying afro-americans. With offices in Alabama; Elko, Nevada; Georgia; Louisiana; Palmdale, California; and South Carolina, Dead Nigger Storage Inc now has more branches throughout the Confederate States of America than both KFC and Big Kahuna Burgers combined.
Originally run from Jimmie and Bonnie Dimmick's garage, the business' growth rate within the first few months of operating forced them into a rethink. In 1998, the Dimmicks purchased Monster Joe's Truck and Tow in Downtown Los Angeles, which has remained their base of operations to this day.
With the catchy friendly slogan of "Storing Dead Niggers is our business" Dead Nigger Storage Inc remains a market leader at the forefront of ethnic minority storage, despite the recent upsurge in the market for companies such as Jews on Ice and the Cracker Barrel.
Very recently, Dead Nigger Storage Inc has expanded into a chain with several branches outside of the United States. Though each branch outside the USA are largely similar to their American counterparts, most customers note a handful of "little differences". For example, in America one can store a decapitated Nigerian. In the Paris branch, however, one stores un Nigirié guillotin. In general, dead niggers are still called dead niggers, but over there they're called les dead niggers and corpse sizes are measured differently because of the metric system.
In 1999 Detroit became the largest Dead Nigger Storage facility in the western hemisphere.
Traditional Methods of Storing Dead Niggers
“You know what they preserve dead niggers with in Holland instead of synthetic petroleum based chemical preservatives? Mayonnaise.”
~ Vincent Vega on storing Dead Niggers
Many individuals have struggled with the issue of dead nigger storage, including Jefferson Davis and John C. Calhoun who favoured the time-attested methodology of dry suspension, a technique that preserved by hanging them in carefully controlled environments for up to 21 days.
Other techniques utilised include smoking, often over specially constructed firepits or pyres. Although this often provides a more pleasurable flavour and aroma, it often led to a complete burning of the subject.
Pulverization is often utilised, either through the use of sticks, or in more extreme case through "dragging", a technique thought to include a pick-up truck. Another practice designed to aid tenderization is referred to as "curbstomping".
Dead Nigger Storage in Popular Culture
Dead Nigger Storage is subtly referenced in 14 separate Quentin Tarantino movies including Reservoir Dogs and the two Kill Bill films. The company also has numerous placements with Tarantino's latin lover Robert Rodriguez' movies, including The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
English Murder Mystery Writer Agatha Christie, referenced the company in perhaps her most famous work, Ten Dead Negroes made into the 1957 film The Only Good Injun is a Dead Injun. Perhaps her most famous reference remains the Hercule Poirot "quote" "Sacre bleu! C'est un morte negro, non?" in The Murder of Michael Donald.
One of the main accusations of racism aimed at George Lucas over his Star War
As shown in your 2000 elections, 48.4% of americans are intelligent. Let those 48.4% move north to Canada or south to Mexico and let the now-corrupt USA rot away. Your founding fathers would be ashamed of today's USA and so should you.