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Heat Ray Gun Fails Final Test; Nixed From War
eldavojohn writes "The heat ray gun to be deployed in Afghanistan has failed its final test and will not be deployed. US military commanders who have had it in the field now have declined to use it. After being tested more than 11,000 times on around 700 volunteers, it failed to achieve satisfaction from the military and will not be deployed."
I guess it didn't have enough settings - I'm sure they were looking for a 'Death Star' setting, for the truly pesky insurgents.
I want to delete my account but Slashdot doesn't allow it.
I'm kinda baffled why anyone in the military thought a heat ray pain gun would help them achieve satisfaction... but who am I to judge someone's kink?
The enemies of Democracy are
say it simply gave you an itchy feeling, no more
ok: then the military should have acted like it was an anthrax ray or something horribly nasty. and then let simple fear in the people it was pointed at do the rest of the work: "get the hell out of here, the americans have some scary new technology that causes your eyes to glow/ flesh to fall off in a month/ all your female relatives to lose their virginity!"
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
"get the hell out of here, the americans have some scary new technology that causes your eyes to glow/ flesh to fall off in a month/ all your female relatives to lose their virginity!"
What, they are going to introduce beer in large quantities?
The "popcorn" setting was ineffective ... everyone knows you cant have a war without popcorn!
Actually, it failed because they were firing a heat ray at a bunch of desert-dwellers. It's not like these guys are going to go, "oh, ow, it burns!" They live in the goddamned DESERT. Burning isn't a sensation, it's a lifestyle.
It's kinda like using pepper spray on a true spice lover. They're just gonna smile and ask you for the recipe before they kill you.
"This post contains words, known to the State of California to cause thought. Wash brain thoroughly after reading."
Ultimately, upgrading your units to use the heat ray is not worth the points cost. Despite the superior strength and AP, you need to be within 12 inches to use it. This is assault range, and at most you are going to get one round of shooting before your opponent closes in. There's an excellent chance you will not get to use it except with bike mounted troops.
The heat ray is ultimately a weapon of opportunity, and you would be better off with the plasma gun for 5 more points. It's rapid fire and gives you a couple good rounds of shooting. Another alternative is a combi-gun with a melta attachment, for all intents and purposes you are going to get to use it the same number of times in a game. Even a standard rapid fire rifle is going to result in more shots against infantry, and the probability of a hit...
oh wait...
this isn't a conversation about 40k, and we are not talking about fantasy SF weapons that don't work. We are talking about real world fantasy weapons that don't work. My mistake!
M
That's 15.7 times each. Being shot with that thing must feel awesome. You'd think the military would have caught on once the volunteers started queueing up for the fifth or sixth time.
To strategic locations across the US to keep Burger King whoppers warm while awaiting to be sold to customers.
The cold ray failed as well.... It seems the troops were firing it at themselves to keep comfortable and keeping beverages cold instead of fighting evil...
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
American beer? That is evil. If you are going to introduce them to beer, at least make it a good beer. :)
Or how about beer with alcohol in it. Introducing the native Americans to alcohol worked out pretty well, for the Europeans.
If I were God, wouldn't I protect my churches from acts of me?
Send them to law school?
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Catapulting dead dolphins would be more fun and would better get the point across.
I'm sure the ice beam will be ready for the invasion of the arctic. And the death ray will surely repel the zombie hordes.
Seriously, a heat ray against a desert people? That's like throwing sand and large ocean waves at Hawaii. You might as well invite them back for warm tea in a room without air conditioning.
The ______ Agenda
In case you aren't, you've just tried to critique a concise, insightful summary of what's wrong with Israeli policy (and US) with a bunch of meaningless fluff.
Please, allow me to give you some _real_ anti-Zionist sentiment. Fuck Israel! Fuck those shit-for-brains hardcore fundamentalist asswipes who are still stealing land, shooting protesters, starving children, and crying in public "poor us, poor us." I'm gonna Godwin-by-proxy, but you-know-who with the armbands and the 'stache was a long fucking time ago - there's a lotta dead Palestinians on the roadside leading from now to way back when - that old check has been cashed, spent, shredded, and long forgotten.
So fuck you. Fuck Israel. Fuck sending them money. Fuck sending them military hardware. Fuck backing them at all. Any Arabs wanna invade? Fucking go for it! Not our problem, any more than whenever any random shithole country Alpha invades another random shithole country Zeta. Who gives a fuck? Really?
You know who does deserve our backing? Canada! Heck of a place. Damn decent country. Hardly ever invades anyone. If they do, you know they're gonna say sorry. Not perfect, but who is? We could learn something from them. Like manners.
But Israel? Not so much. Israel, not so friendly. Awfully self-righteous. Smug. Sanctimonious. They don't deserve to be wiped off the map, but still, helping them beat up their snot-nosed neighbors isn't really doing anything for our own interests. Let's bring back Realpolitik, at least it made sense of a sort...
-- How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics.