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Govt To Bomb Guam With Frozen Mice To Kill Snakes
rhettb writes "In a spectacularly creative effort to rid Guam of the brown tree snake, an invasive species which has ravaged local wildlife and angered local residents, the US Department of Agriculture is planning to 'bomb' the island's rainforests with dead frozen mice laced with acetaminophen. While it might not seem difficult to purge an island of snakes, the snake's habit of dwelling high in the rainforest canopy has so far thwarted efforts to rid the island of the pest. Eradicating the snake is a priority because it triggers more than 100 power outages a year at a cost of $1-4 million and has driven at least 6 local bird species to extinction."
They dropped the gorillas to stomp the lions, the dropped the lions to hunt the dogs, the dropped the dogs to chase the cats, they dropped the cats to catch the mice, the dropped the mice to kill the snakes, but I don't know why they swallowed that fly.
For a saint...
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
And have a headache, just grab the nearest dead frozen mouse.
I eat only the real part of complex carbohydrates.
I guess all those warnings about how Tylenol can damage your liver are true!
Just spread some rumour to the Chinese that the rare "Guam strain" is good for erectile dysfunction, "general health" or whatever, and it'll soon be close enough to extinction. ;).
When the Ice Zombie Rats who are incapable of feeling pain attack?
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
Now the entire island will smell like rotting mice and snakes... Good Job USDA.
Then they can drop smarter dead frozen mice to kill them as well. Er, well, or something like that.
I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking island!
Didn't think so.
On the surface, an Aussie and a redneck might seem to have a lot in common, but when us rednecks get bored for sport, we just go shoot up stop signs, powerline insulators, and the odd cityslicker's cat or fluffdog. When an Aussie gets bored, he casually sets in motion a chain of events that will ravage ecosystems across multiple continents -- then sits back, drinks beer, and watches it all go down.
You gotta hand it to them Aussies, man.
"First they came for the snakes,
but I didn't eat because I don't eat Tylenol-laced frozen mice...."
Oh wait, thought this was Y.R.O. ... nevermind.
Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he'll say "WHERE'S MY FISH, YOU IDIOT?"