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George Lucas to Resurrect Dead Movie Stars?
According to his director friend Mel Smith, George Lucas has a plan for upcoming movies more insidious than a whole Gungan cast. Smith says Lucas is buying the rights to old movies in order to put dead actors in his films. He says, "George has been buying up the film rights to dead actors in the hope of using computer trickery to put them all together, so you'd have Orson Welles and Barbara Stanwyck alongside today's stars." Even if Smith is lying, it makes you wonder who long it will be until Hollywood starts to recycle actors as well as scripts.
If Orson Welles doesn't crawl out of his grave and strangle this arrogant, money-grubbing motherfucker with his own intestines, then at least we finally know that the dead are *truly* and *forever* gone.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Interviewer: Mr. Lucas, fifteen years ago you made Episode III and a lot of people thought you were done with cinema. ...
Lucas: That's right, I had found that children appreciated my advanced work far more than any adult so I was doing a lot of Cartoon Network programs after that.
Interviewer: So what caused you to return to the silver screen?
Lucas: Well, I was sitting at my ranch watching some old Akira Kurosawa films -- looking for some plot or scene I had missed that I could possibly turn into a Star Wars movie -- and I got up to retrieve another sandwich from my Carl's Jr. dispenser in my living room. The machine was several treacherous feet away from the couch and as I got up, my snuggie caught on the ottoman made of hate mail and death threats. Well, I fell and a disc slipped in my spine.
Interviewer: That's right you were in the hospital for several months.
Lucas: Yes, and as I lay there calling for help in serious pain, an apparition of Ed Wood appeared to me. 'Use the cash, Lucas' he said. And I immediately understood that I had primarily ruined careers of living people when today there were whole sloughs of dead actors whose careers I could ruin with advanced computer technology.
Interviewer: Ah, yes, so at that point
Lucas: I started buying the film rights to a lot of dead actors and actresses.
Interviewer: Which led to Katherine Hepburn playing Princess Leia in the Star Wars Holiday Special II last year.
Lucas: That's right, as well as Bela Lugosi having a classic lightsaber fight with Charlie Chaplin.
Interviewer: Well, I think it's clear how you maintain such a hated profile.
Lucas: Well, you know, I try. I try. And I often remind my adopted children that they're what keeps me going. Even though at times it's hard, I can look into my son's eyes and he'll say with so much emotion, "Stop dad, just please stop, people don't want this. Please, please stop." And that keeps me going.
My work here is dung.
Will the same technology work with porn? What am I saying... That was probably the original intention.
an adaptation of Frankenstein would seem appropriate.
I am officially gone from
Don't we have plenty of dead actors nowadays on our screens already ? Aren't people like Keanu Reeves (or Hayden Christensen, fergossakes) lifeless enough for you ?
In Soviet Russia, our new overlords are belong to all your base.
I don't know if this counts, but I'd pay $5 for a movie involving a resurrected JarJar Binks and the guy from Temple of Doom who rips out beating hearts.
Who's with me!?
Hello?