Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Microsoft Seeks Do-Let-The-Bed-Bugs-Bite Patent

Posted by timothy on from the you'll-feel-a-slight-pinch dept.

theodp writes "In its just-published patent application for Adapting Parasites to Combat Disease, Microsoft lays out plans to unleash 'altered parasitic organisms' on humans, including mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, bed bugs, leeches, pinworms, tapeworms, hookworms, heart worms, roundworms, lice (head, body, and pubic), and the like. 'Irradiated mosquitoes can be used to deliver damaged Plasmodium to individuals,' explains Microsoft. 'Instead of contracting malaria, an individual receiving the damaged Plasmodium develops an immune response that renders the individual resistant to contracting malaria.' Don't worry about runaway breeding, advises Microsoft — 'a termination feature [that] can include programmed death' makes this impossible. As David Spade might say, I liked this movie the first time I saw it — when it was called Jurassic Park."

7 of 176 comments (clear)

  1. Microsoft? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    I didn't know they had a germ warfare division...

  2. Blue Screen Bugs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    'a termination feature [that] can include programmed death'

    I'm confident Microsoft can get that part right, it's their core competency.

  3. Dirty hotel managers says... by istartedi · · Score: 5, Funny

    So, you call down to the manager to complain about the bedbugs. The manager says, "They're not bugs, they're features".

    --
    For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares"?
  4. Enough Bugs by guttentag · · Score: 3, Funny

    Seriously, hasn't Microsoft unleashed enough bugs into the world, in places we really, really don't want them?

  5. Re:Microsoft? Not SBRI? by maxwell+demon · · Score: 5, Funny

    In this case, the bugs are the feature.

    --
    The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
  6. Re:history must have some prior art by Greyfox · · Score: 4, Funny

    Microsoft has been sucking our blood for 3 decades.

    --

    I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?

  7. Microsoft? Do what you're best at! by hoggoth · · Score: 1, Funny

    MSoftie: "The latest report is in. Our software is riddled with viruses. Bugs everywhere."
    Gates: "I thought we were the best at software! What's the meaning of this?!"
    MSoftie: "Apparently we are the best at viruses and bugs..."
    Gates: (ding!)

    --
    - For the complete works of Shakespeare: cat /dev/random (may take some time)