Osama Bin Laden Reported Dead, Body In US Hands

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Osama Bin Laden Reported Dead, Body In US Hands

Posted by timothy on Sunday May 1, 2011 @03:33PM from the check-the-long-form-certificate-to-be-sure dept.

Reader Tom Hudson, and now several others, have submitted the news that Osama Bin Laden is reportedly dead, and that his body is in the hands of the US military. A statement from President Obama is expected shortly. Watch this space for more details. Update: 05/02 04:01 GMT by T : More coverage at ABC News, at CNN, and at Al Jazeera. The reports say that Bin Laden was actually killed about a week ago by a bomb in Pakistan, and the time taken to confirm his identity via DNA testing helped delay the news. In downtown Austin, Texas, in the time since the story broke I've heard what sound like numerous celebratory gunshots.

24 of 1,855 comments (clear)

Awesome by LearnToSpell · 2011-05-01 15:34 · Score: 5, Funny

Will you stop grabbing my balls at the airport now?

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Haida Manga
1. Re:Awesome by tyrione · 2011-05-01 16:00 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Try talking to them in a sexy voice to let them know you're getting aroused. I bet they'll back off then.
2. Re:Awesome by c6gunner · 2011-05-01 16:20 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Will you stop grabbing my balls at the airport now?
  No. It's been my lifelong dream to fondle the sweaty nutsack of an overweight dungeons-and-dragons playing basement-dweller. You can't ask me to give up that right!
3. Re:Awesome by sorak · 2011-05-02 01:30 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Chances are that you would be prosecuted for sexual harassment if you did such a thing.
  Only in America could a sexual harassment complaint begin:
  
  so i was feeling his sack when he started making unwanted sexual advances. I told him, "hey buddy, let's keep it strictly professional. I don't know what kind of crazy stuff you're into, but I just want to stick my finger up your ass and go home. It's been a long day"
where's the long form? by trybywrench · 2011-05-01 15:34 · Score: 5, Funny

I want to see a long form death certificate

(stolen from fark)

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I came to the datacenter drunk with a fake ID, don't you want to be just like me?
1. Re:where's the long form? by recoiledsnake · 2011-05-01 16:05 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Are you a deather now?
  
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  This space for rent.
Netcraft confirms it... by thelenm · 2011-05-01 15:38 · Score: 5, Funny

Netcraft confirms it: Osama bin Laden is dead.

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Use Ctrl-C instead of ESC in Vim!
1. Re:Netcraft confirms it... by LynnwoodRooster · 2011-05-01 16:15 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Don't worry, Dvorak's column later this week will tell us why Netcraft is wrong...
  
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  Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
America!!!! by Yorban · 2011-05-01 15:41 · Score: 5, Funny

AMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERICA fuck yeah! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS-FoXbjVI
Celebrity Apprentice by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-01 15:45 · Score: 2, Funny

For anyone else who missed the end of the Celebrity Apprentice because of the speech, Hope got fired.
Sad Chapter by bradrum · 2011-05-01 15:45 · Score: 4, Funny

Can we please forget this sad chapter in our history? Thousands and thousands have died, trillions spent, and liberties seemingly irrevocably lost.
I shed a tear and will not celebrate this at all
Re:Mission Accomplished by artor3 · 2011-05-01 15:47 · Score: 5, Funny

Of course, that's how boss battles work, isn't it?
World War 2 ended when a prisoner escaping from some castle gunned down Cyborg-Hitler, after all.
yay by MobileTatsu-NJG · 2011-05-01 15:47 · Score: 5, Funny

rm -f /bin/laden

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"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)
1. Re:yay by CamD · 2011-05-01 16:13 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  #!/bin/sh
  rm -f /bin/laden
  pause 259200
  rm -rf /
2. Re:yay by Nerdfest · 2011-05-01 16:36 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  chmod +x /bin/laden
Re:bye bye bin by Kagura · 2011-05-01 15:52 · Score: 5, Funny

R.I.P Osama Bin Laden - World Hide And Go Seek Champion (2001 - 2011)
Rest In Hell by a_nonamiss · 2011-05-01 15:57 · Score: 4, Funny

"Hey, where are my virgins? ...And what is Hitler doing with that pineapple?" - Osama Bin Laden

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-Arthur
Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules
Re:bye bye bin by SpockLogic · 2011-05-01 15:58 · Score: 4, Funny

bye bye bin.
I won't believe this until I see his death certificate ........ long form.
Hey you two by symbolset · 2011-05-01 16:01 · Score: 4, Funny

Get a room.

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Help stamp out iliturcy.
Re:bye bye bin by recoiledsnake · 2011-05-01 16:07 · Score: 5, Funny

Bin Laden really shouldn't have used his real address on PSN

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This space for rent.
Re:Mission Accomplished by gmhowell · 2011-05-01 16:12 · Score: 4, Funny

Of course, that's how boss battles work, isn't it?
World War 2 ended when a prisoner escaping from some castle gunned down Cyborg-Hitler, after all.
That's only VE day. You forget about VJ day when a giant monkey the Americans stole from some jungle island killed a giant lizard/dinosaur thing.

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Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
Re:bye bye bin by PopeRatzo · 2011-05-01 16:45 · Score: 1, Funny

Buzzkillington, is that you?
I just saw Donald Trump on Fox News.
After taking credit for the killing of bin Laden, Trump said he wasn't going to believe he was dead until he placed his fingers in the wounds in Osama's hands and side.
In other news, the GOP has released a statement condemning Barack Obama for taking so long getting this done.

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You are welcome on my lawn.
Re:War is not for trials by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-01 18:29 · Score: 2, Funny

In a real war trials are madness, you cannot fight real bullets with lawyers not matter how many lawyers you have.
Are you kidding? Just send the lawyers in as a shield!
Re:Mission Accomplished by Hognoxious · 2011-05-01 19:16 · Score: 2, Funny

buried in an unmarked grave wrapped in bacon?
That's a gratuitous and unnecessary insult.
What harm have pigs ever done to you?

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Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."