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New Bacterium Lives On Caffeine
Kozar_The_Malignant writes "A newly-described species of bacterium, Pseudomonas putida has been found to live on pure caffeine. The little jaspers metabolize caffeine into carbon dioxide and ammonia. They were found living in a flower bed on the University of Iowa campus, not in the drain of an espresso machine as one might expect. The paper presenting the research will be presented at the American Society for Microbiology meeting in New Orleans this month where caffeine metabolism will have to contend with the traditional ethanol metabolism."
But when I ingest caffeine it just makes my pee smell like coffee.
Nobodies Prefect
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Word is they were pretty hard to find at first, on account of them vibrating right off the slide.
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Pretty soon they'll start infesting coffee and energy drink factories. Then we're really fucked.
It's called the Sales Department.
...are they good programmers?
There's no -1 for "I don't get it."
And what does its close cousin, Pseudomonas Pendejo, live on?
This changes my stance on evolution. Now I am 99.999% certain that I evolved from this particular type of bacteria.
The eternal struggle of good vs. evil begins within one's self.
And it explains all the dupes on Slashdot - stories breed like bacteria.
You can't just go around metabolizing people's caffeine and expect no retribution. We need that caffeine to survive boring meetings.
Kill it! Kill it with fire! It must be stopped! Don't let it take our caffeine!
"Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies."
They're at a university and they live on caffeine. So they're just like any other university student right?
In a bit of shameless internet panhandling, I accept Litecoin Donations at Lbd2oH9QsthD1GfuUXPyka12YxvWJYnBVf
If they could just get the metabolism loop the run on caffeine in the daylight and feed into the alcohol metabolism at night I would be in heaven!
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
I suggest they locate the coffee machine presumably situated in a room somewhere about said flower bed, and give it a cleaning.
Yours sincerely has been doing it for ages now!
You realize that we're all going to be out of jobs, right?
The free market will decide to employ the most efficient critters at converting caffeine into CO2 and ammonia. The fact that our new overlords will skip the intermediate step of writing code / designing circuits / creating proofs / etc. will be dismissed as "not relevant to adding to shareholder value".
1. Caffeine
2. (intermediate steps skipped)
3. Waste (CO2 + ammonia)
4. Profit!
Nitpick: it's "newly described species", not "newly-described species". A hyphen is used to separate multiple adjectives when they modify the same noun. The word "newly" is an adverb, so it's clear that it modifies the adjective "described". The hyphen is used to disambiguate: "fifteen minute presentations" could be grouped either as "fifteen (minute presentations)" or "(fifteen minute) presentations". If the latter was meant, "fifteen-minute presentations" makes that clear.
I sometimes add the hyphen myself on accident, but it's not necessary.
Because if you drink enough mountian dew... You can see the future.
They shouldn't be calling coders bacteria. Plus, they forgot pizza!
Vote monkeys into Congress. They are cheaper and more trustworthy.
Stay away from my precious!
"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours." -- Yogi Berra
I, for one, welcome our caffiene metabolizing bacteria overlords...
from the spit-it-out-you-wee-bastard department
God invented whiskey so the Irish would not rule the world.
Come on, Slashdot! Pseudomonas putida is not new! Chemists have been using it for the biochemical oxidation of aromatic compounds for decades. The CBB5 designator, as boring as it is, is the new species identifier.
"One swallows the lie that flatters, but sips the bitter truth drop by drop." --Diderot
I know people like to pick on grad students, but to call them bacterium is a little harsh.
Oh for the love of Junior Johnson!
I know I'm short, but come on! I'm not THAT short!!!
Let's see how they like it when this "bacteria" breaks their kneecaps!
So how much heat can these little guys produce metabolizing caffeine? Because if it's substantial, you could feed them coffee grounds, and use the heat to power a coffee machine...
I think I "discovered" this bacterium years ago, he was named harold and worked right next to me...
Well fuck, first Small Pox, then Ebola, now this? Fucking fuck. THE END IS NEAR!!!
You can't handle the truth.
Softwarium Developerium?
They've found a whole species of future mathematicians, though probably not the best. If they survived on pure amphetamines we'd be on our way towards a mathematical revolution.
Eat sleep die
Okay, pal. Where did you come from? RIAA? MPAA? SGAE? Spit it! /. from inside. Definitely NOT a geek.
You are obviously somebody from the Other Side in an undercover job, trying to bomb
In a related note, I drink 2-3 espressos a day, just because I like the strong taste of the carefully roasted beans. And I'm not addicted at all: when I travel to non-coffee countries like England or Japan (we continental Europeans don't call that crap "coffee" but rather "mopping water"), I have no side effects at all: I just live without coffee for two or more weeks.
The U.S. was in the "no coffee" list a few years ago, but looks like some areas are finally discovering REAL coffee (i.e. espresso).
Strength, balance, courage and reason. If you know what's this about, contact me!
So that's where everybody throws their leftover coffee!
Bacterium living on caffeine, or Mac fanbois posing in Starbucks?
I see none.
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
Well, I don't have much experience with bacteria, but based on my experience with other life forms that live on caffeine... as Baldrick would say, "I have a cunning plan, milord."
We just need to get them hooked on powerpoint too.Then they'll spend half the day in meetings to decide
- whether the background should be #C0C0C0 or #C0C0C1,
- who's to blame for one string being 1 pixel shorter in the browser compared to some mockups done in Photoshop,
- why can't the application be ready by next week by just adding a little code to the HTML mockup. I mean, the important part is already done, right?
- why it absolutely needs JAXB to transform the data to XML and back between the data access layer and the GUI, because the boss just read that buzzword in some PR ragazine,
- whether 10 MB of animated graphics per page is almost enough, given that the boss's best buddy has a graphics design agency and is getting the contract for those graphics
- how to fix database performance, given that the IT department won't do either of (A) actually doing their job and tuning that database, or (B) allow someone else access to do it, and (C) has no room in the racks for extra hardware to fix it by brute force either
Etc.
Throw in a few "team building" meetings and the like, and next thing you know, they're needing overtime just to make up for all the time spent in those productivity-building meetings and have no more time or interest in reproducing :p
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
An evil mastermind could destroy the western world by making this infectious - every human with this in their gut will be unable to get the effects of caffiene because the bacteria will have used it all before it hits the bloodsteam.
I had to enable Java to read it.
I attend the University of Iowa and I'm surprised it's living off of caffeine in a flower bed. I would've thought it would have either been alcohol or alcohol-infused vomit. Although, those caffeine-infused beers are quite popular around here.
I guess this means I'll have to start washing my coffee mug, after all.
Wait, what kind of flowers produce caffeine? Or were they being watered with Mt Dew and coffee grounds?
Now it will make your post-digestion/kidney-processed coffee smell like ammonia.
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
If this idea will help improve lives on the affected country then why not. Just consider the factor of what will be the effect and who will be affected.
1) These aren't new, they've prolly been around for about as long as the coffee bean, which might make them older than us.
2) Re: Quote from summary - Someone found them. They didn't find themselves. The sentence should begin with who did the doing. We call this the subject of the sentence.
Utilizing the synergization of benchmark e-solutions to pre-workaround action items!